Ghosted is a movie that defies the odds, for how can two sexy actors like Chris Evans and Ana de Armas, make something so incredibly unsexy and dull? Not even scientists can figure out what went wrong with this equation, and while I won’t go as far as to say it’s the worst movie I’ve watched this year, it’s certainly not very good either.
Cole (Evans) and Sadie (de Armas) meet at a farmers’ market. She’s trying to buy a begonia, and he’s eager to sell her one, until he realises she wants a plant that requires no commitment. This triggers him – apparently because he’s clingy and takes this personally – so the light flirting becomes actual arguing. Everyone in the movie constantly comments on the palpable sexual tension between them, which to me feels like some mild gaslighting, with the movie trying to trick us into believing sexual chemistry that doesn’t really exist. Evans and de Armas are beautiful people, but that’s not enough in a rom-com. The script doesn’t provide enough material to justify a connection, so we’re just watching two people talk at each other, instead of with each other.
Despite their conflict over the begonia plant, Sadie is strangely still interested to pursue something with Cole. They spend a day together, and we’re barely shown anything. They go to a karaoke joint, an art gallery, and all we get are brief snippets. I want to see them goofing around over karaoke, or bonding in some way, not for the movie to use these moments to dump exposition in the most unnatural way.
After an amazing day that we’re shown nothing of, Cole returns home expecting to be able to see Sadie again soon. But she ghosts him. He can’t understand why, even as his sister explains to him that he’s coming off too strong and clingy. So he decides that the best thing to do is to track her down – he perceives this as a romantic gesture – and try to jumpstart things again. Listen, when a person ghosts you, even if you don’t understand the decision, you should respect it. How are we supposed to root for a protagonist like this? Evans is funny and charismatic, but there are limits to what we can accept.
Cole takes off to London hoping to run into Sadie, but gets kidnapped instead, and learns about her true identity. He calls her a liar, she calls him a stalker, and the movie continues to gaslight us into perceiving all this as sexual tension. The action scenes are as boring as their relationship, lots of guns blazing but nothing really memorable. It truly says something when even Adrien Brody as Leveque the villain brings nothing to the proceedings. None of them are well-developed characters. Every single one of them is coloured with broad strokes, with a singular trait that defines them. Sadie is emotionally unavailable, Cole is emotionally needy, and Leveque likes money.
While I did enjoy some of the fun cameos throughout the movie, I do wish they were utilised better. How can an eye-patched Ryan Reynolds be so unmemorable? Ghosted throws so much at the wall, hoping to make something stick, but all it leaves behind is a mess.
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