I finally understand why Michael hated Toby in The Office with such a singular passion. Zipper, someone in a bunny suit whose sick goal is to ruin my island, has committed the ultimate HR faux pas: he has made my entire existence eggs.
Cute for roughly five minutes, Bunny Day is a new event in Animal Crossing: New Horizons available from now until too far from now that sees you hunting down eggs at the behest of a pseudo-rabbit who arrives at your island uninvited. Promising some grand reward for following his orders (the sociopath’s MO), players can find eggs around their island that can be used to make special Easter-themed recipes.
I say “can find eggs”, but you will find eggs. Whether in trees, water, or in balloons, the eggs are inescapable, the eggs are your life now. When I speak, a jumbo pack of eggs rolls out; Zipper calls them “Throat Eggs”. When I shower, the water is yoke. When I dream, eggs. When I egg, eggs.
This would be fine as a supplement to everything else in New Horizons, but the eggs are everywhere that conventional science says they should not be. Want to chop wood? Too bad, eggs. Want to fish? Enjoy your eggfish. Want to plant thousands and thousands of Bells to grow as a money tree? Sorry, pal, your retirement fund is now entirely eggs.
To make matters worse, every single recipe I’ve found to date has just been “the normal thing but now with 200% more eggs”. Who would want to sleep on an egg bed, worried that cracking the eggs may hatch yet more Zippers? Unless you are going for a theme of Easter where everything you own is eggs, I can’t see many people actually bothering with it.
I am not alone in my immediate hatred for Bunny Day, which is threatening to turn many’s island getaway into a “get away from me, you goddamn egg bastard” instead. Whether players are trying to murder Zipper with nets (please let me know if this is possible) or digging holes for the protein pisshead to be overwhelmed by, one thing is clear: Zipper needs to get gone.
So, who could Zipper be? Is it Tom Nook, who has suspiciously not acknowledged that there is a big rabbit running around trying to undo all our hard work? Is it Mr. Resetti, vengeful for having nothing to reset this time around and intent on resetting our dopamine levels to zero? Or is it Satan? I think it might be Satan.
Regardless of who is trying to evade FBI capture, Bunny Day needs to be gone. When an event is so poorly balanced that the community is beginning to miss collecting sea bass to the point of extinction, you know something is wrong.
Animal Crossing: New Horizons is available now exclusively for Nintendo Switch. Cultured Vultures would like to publicly post a bounty for Zipper, dead or alive before the Bunny Day event ends on the 12th of April.
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