This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write, including ironic One Direction fan-fiction, because for lack of a better phrase, pop music has utterly fucked itself this year. Choosing just ten awful songs from the past 365 days was a trial by combat and my Spotify recommended section is now a who’s who of my own personal shame.
At the risk of sounding like the uncle that you give side eye to over Christmas dinner as he recounts “back in my day…”, a song should have at least some hint of originality to it. 2014 dragged its pendulous balls across my face when I asked for it to at least consider not sampling a track from 1994. It’s heartbreaking that Ed Sheeran is one of the only popular “artists” active this year who hasn’t resorted to samples, but still goes by the “Melody For Dummies” textbook he is so very fond of.
So, to hopefully exorcise myself of this past year’s pop music, I have decided to double the list from last year’s The 5 Worst Songs of 2013 to bring you this, The 10 Unforgivably, Undeniably Worst Songs of 2014. Strap yourself in, hold a loved one close and tell them it will all be okay – this is going to get ugly.
10. Iggy Azalea – ‘Fancy’ ft. Charli XCX
The most offensive thing about this song is no matter where you go, it is there. Going to the shop to get some bread, it’s there. Open up your fridge to put the bread in, it’s there. Put the bread in the toaster, it’s there. Eat the delicious toasted bread and question what a XCX is and it’s there. Matt probably summed it up best with his original review.
9. Robin Thicke – ‘Get Her Back’
The audio equivalent of One Hour Photo, Robin Thicke sank to a new low  of “ew, that guy” with this skincrawling letter of love to his ex-wife. After discovering that he was a serial misogynist, you can hardly blame Paula Patton for splitting up with him but then again, if she had just stuck it out with the egomaniac for the rest of her life, we wouldn’t have to deal with this song. Curse her. At least this album only sold 530 copies in the United Kingdom.
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