Matt Warrilow barely even tries to hide his disdain for the newest song from Iggy Azalea.
Oh Iggy, you were so close to getting away with it. You nearly tricked me. But I figured you out, I saw what you were playing out.
You had me thinking that this was a fun, bubblegum-y piece of hip-hop/pop, with a cute video that references Clueless. I mean sure, why wouldn’t people love it? It turns out it is clearly the laziest song I’ve heard in ages.
Were you having a quick nap in the studio, only to wake up and realise: ‘shit, we need a song and I’ve only got 30 minutes left to do it’?
Did you shout ‘Oi, The Invisible Men,(Jesus, after producing this song, I hope they become invisible) play me something, quick.’
Did they run over to the nearest keyboard and play the first 4 notes that came into their head? And did you reply with: ‘Whatever, that’s fine. Shit I need to do a rap, pass me that scrap paper and that broken pencil. Something something ‘you want a bad bitch’…something, something champagne, something something about money…I’ll figure it out.’
Did the Invisible Men then pipe up ‘Hey Izzy, do you need a beat over this?’
‘Sure, just do one.’
‘But we’ve only got time for a bass kick at the start of some bars though.’
‘No problem – just stick some extra shit with it, people won’t notice. Oh no, I need a chorus!’
Did you then pop your head out of the door, where stood there along was Charlie XCX, waiting for anyone to let her feature on their song?
‘I need a chorus, can you sing one?’
‘Sure, do you need a melody?’
‘Nah, don’t worry about that. Just sing the same note repeatedly, you know like Gwen Stefani does, but way better than anyone else can. Anyway, we’ll get away with it. Shit, I just remembered, we need a bit at the end of the song to remind people who was singing it, as they are stupid and clearly forget who they are listening to after a 3 minute song.’
‘Ok Izzy, what were you thinking?’
‘How about…’Who that, who that, I-G-G-Y’…’That do that, do that, I-G-G-Y’’
‘But Iggy, that doesn’t make any sense’
‘Doesn’t matter, long as it has my name on it, now press record, we’ve only got 20 minutes left!’
Did you think you’d get away with it Izzy? Well, you almost did. You almost did.
Who just wrote this, who just wrote this? M-A-T-T
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