The Wet Plank was filled. A few groups filled up the tables, draining their own pitchers and eating popcorn. The bartender was tearing up the janitorial closet looking for darts that some college kids wanted to use.
Noel Young, the guy I nearly hit, unbuttoned his flannel shirt. I celebrated him joining our group with a round of Blue Moon—the non- “Wisconsin swill” that I promised Brendan— then it was back to pitchers.
Noel’s presence allowed me to rest my trap for a bit. He detailed his own adventures traveling the country, writing, and working shit jobs. Each ended with him returning to his grandma’s place.
“Before I came to town, I stopped at this place called Dinosaur Gardens,” he said.
“That place is still around?” I asked.
“I went there to remind myself that I was once a spontaneous child. The weeds and fading paint jobs remind me that I’m now a cracked, nearly shattered adult.”
We laughed. Some beer dribbled down Tony’s beard. He used a napkin to wipe it off and blow his nose.
“Is Paul Bunyan still nearby?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I was in a haze after coming out of the Dino Garden.”
I filled my glass. “During Thanksgiving—I think, maybe it was Christmas—we were watching some old film at my Grandma Fiona’s house. Somehow, the footage from Paul Bunyan got mixed up with some wedding footage. I was like, ‘Wait, you guys got married at Paul Bunyan?’”
More laughter. I added that it was like a ghost wedding. Noel put his head on the table. His body shook, shaking the table. I patted him on the back went over to the jukebox. I scanned through, looking for some Hank Williams Sr. to troll the college kids with.
“I got a quarter left,” the girl next to me said to her friend, who was holding a plastic rifle.
“This thing barely cocks anyway,” the other girl said, putting the rifle back in the holder. They walked away, with the clock for them to continue their session of Big Buck Hunter Pro counting down. I fiddled with my dollar. When the timer reached zero and showed the high scores, I went to the bartender and exchanged the bill for quarters.
Brendan drained the rest of the beer in the pitcher. I showed them the palm of my hand, the quarters neatly arranged.
“I will face anyone at this table to a game of Buck Hunter!” I said.
Percy raised his hand. Noel shot up from the table, his chair falling over. His fingernails raked against my hand. He took three of the quarters and headed towards the game.
“A new challenger has appeared!” I said. Brendan, Tony, and Percy looked at me strangely.
I walked over to Noel. He put two quarters into the game, then handed me the other one.
“All right, good,” I said. “I was just about to say that two players is too distracting, at least to me.”
“Same,” Noel said, picking the left rifle. “I didn’t want to argue with you about it. No offense, fellow human.”
He chose the Keyser, West Virginia stage. “That’s one way to potentially prevent a conflict,” I said.
“Be aggressive in your ways.” He pumped the rifle. “It works.”
First part of the stage, he floored a buck with one shot. He nearly ran out of ammo in the second part before he got a buck. He hit a doe in the third part.
“IT DIDN’T EVEN GO DOWN!” Noel yelled.
“I know, right?” I said. “If you’re gonna lose points, the game should at least let it hobble away to show you hit it.”
The guys were standing beside me. The bonus stage came up. Noel shot wildly at the ducks.
“Get closer, man,” I said, pointing towards an imaginary line on the floor, “unless you’re a really good shot.”
“That’s a bullshit way to play,” Noel said.
“The woman who played before us thought that gun you’re using was fucked up.”
The stage ended. “No, they just sucked.”
The next stage was Maple Ridge, Minnesota. Noel missed all the deer and lost another point. He got two bucks next stage. He missed again and the game ended.
“It’s my time now,” I said, cracking my knuckles. Noel glared at me, shoved the rifle into my hands, and stepped back.
I cocked the gun. It froze in place. I cocked it again, and it went all the way back. I held the gun to my ear and shook it.
“Yeah, it’s all fucked up,” I said. “You seriously didn’t feel it?”
“No excuses,” Noel said.
I did what I tried to imagine was an eyebrow raise. I grabbed the other gun, put in two quarters, and chose the bow and arrow. I picked Pike County, Illinois for the first level.
A buck appeared in the center of the screen. I filled it with arrows and it immediately dropped.
The next part began. A buck slowly walked into view. When its upper body was clear, I shot frantically.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Noel yelled as the buck dropped
“Huh?” I say, lowering the gun. “What’s up?”
He pointed to my feet. I moved closer to the screen.
“Whoops, I guess its instinct.” I said, smiling. “I’ve always played pretty close the screen.”
“Then move back.”
“Come on, man, I’m not THAT close.”
“This isn’t fair!”
“Chill the fuck out,” Brendan said.
Tony pointed to the screen. “Eyes on the game!” he yelled.
All the deer were running. I emptied my arrows, but didn’t drop any of them.
“Serves you right,” Noel said.
“Fuck the fuck off,” I said. The bonus stage began. I fired on the ducks and moved closer.
“MOVE BACK!” Noel yelled, stomping his foot.
“Again, fuck off.” I continued firing.
I smashed into Tony and Percy. I recovered, holding my side, to see Brendan standing off with Noel, who was waving around a pocket knife. The nearby college kids ran to other side of the bar.
Noel made jabbing motions. Brendan grabbed a pool cue and tried to swat Noel with it. He hit his hand, sending the knife to the ground. Percy and Tony rushed Noel and held his arms.
Percy asked me if I was all right as I walked passed him. I didn’t answer. I socked Noel with a right hook. It felt like I shattered my fist. I shook it off, grabbed Noel by the collar, and wound up. He slapped my arm away, fell to the ground, then sprung up.
I felt something enter my armpit. Noel backed away. He held the knife in front of him, dripping with blood.
I dropped to the floor, holding my armpit and trying not to curl into myself. I watched Tony punch Noel, who dropped the knife again and fell into the Brendan and Percy, who drug him outside. The door slammed shut, and I saw Brendan, Tony, and Percy’s heads bob up-and-down through the window.
The bartender was on the phone. One of the college guys was kneeling next to me, asking me where I was stabbed at. Another student came up with a napkin dispenser. He gave me a handful of napkins, which I shoved into my armpit. I requested more until I couldn’t feel my skin rub against itself.
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