On Gender, Society and Feminism

Stacey Warner contributes her thoughts on today’s society in terms of where we’re at with regards to feminism.

I generally don’t tend to consider myself a feminist. As a young person trying to find her identity, I did consider myself a feminist but I seemed to somehow give it up around my mid teens. I believe, on reflection, that it was to do with how I found myself calling myself a feminist. I was young and we’d seen out the 90s and the Spice Girls had been touring the world telling young girls that they have “Girl Power”. Out of this I developed an idea that I was a feminist. I wasn’t. I had just been lead to believe that because I had a vagina I was entitled to a super shiny “look how awesome I am” badge. Not a true reflection of feminism, of course, but certainly a concept that I think has been damaging. As I grew older I learnt that really we were all equal and as a result developed an aversion to the notion of “feminism”.

 

I start off with this story because today I felt the true feminist in me stir up from the corner she’d been banished to, to declare her outrage. As I was walking down the street I saw a woman wearing a shirt, it read “Act like a lady, think like a boss”.

Siiiigh.

I get that the idea is act nice and accommodating but be strong, powerful and strategic. Yet I can’t help but the think this woman must be a complete effing idiot if she thinks that shirt is empowering for women when it does completely the opposite. It’s basically saying that the two notions are completely separate and therefor you have to almost make it an intention to embody the two. It denies the idea that women can be both effeminate and strong. That it is something to be accomplished, not just something that can naturally exist. It really doesn’t help, especially considering a popular argument stating that gender inequality is still so prevalent is based on statistics that there are far more men in high paying, authoritative positions than there are women. According to a gov report (www.parliament.uk/briefing-papers/SN01250.pdf), in 2009, despite having a comparatively equal balance of men to women in relation to other countries, only a third of seats in parliament were taken by women.  Just one example amongst many.

 

Honestly, I don’t believe women can ever achieve a sense of equality until we stop teaching women to hate themselves and that loving yourself (and in return, one another) is a positive thing. It’s not only the done thing to be derogatory towards yourself if you’re female, but the expected thing. (See Mean Girls for a brilliant example). Women who dare to show confidence are frequently hated on by other women in society, especially if that confidence is sexual or in relationships. Women seem to have a tendency to look down on themselves so much that a woman who presents herself as in control is seen as a threat- somebody who does well in a career is cold and detached from family and warmth or somebody who doesn’t present themselves as hating how they look is probably a slut and a threat to all honest relationships. (Because clearly men can not control themselves. HEAVY SARCASM.) If women want to feel equality, we need to start feeling a little bit more love for ourselves and for others.

Now, aside from this t shirt being generally quite disingenuous, I really believe it highlights an issue in society that I am becoming increasingly frustrated with. This notion of female or male being described in a series of traits. The only thing having breasts and a vagina makes me is biologically female. It doesn’t make me compassionate, soft minded, a lover of shopping or anything else. Certainly there are biological differences between men and women, men have a genetic disposition to be stronger and having deeper voices for example. But being a man doesn’t mean a person can’t have a natural or learned empathy for other peoples emotions – a trait nonetheless generally considered to be feminine. Equally, a woman who does well in a physical or labouring career is seen as masculine.

 

I find it mentally draining and frankly, damaging, trying to define myself as either female or male in sense of my personality. My friends often call me Steve because I tend to have masculine traits and I’m comfortable with who I am but this necessity to have that fit in a box is frustrating. I discovered the term Gender Fluid and it’s the closest I’ve come to naming it but I don’t see why I should. I am a person and I’d rather be described by what I do in this world rather than the definitions I do or don’t act towards.

To summarise, I long for a world where we can be genetically whatever or whoever we are, but be judged on what we present to the world and respected equally for it.