5 Most Stale Things In Modern Wrestling

Brock Lesnar
Image source: businessinsider.com

Lists, the internet and wrestling are like peas and carrots so far be it for me to challenge the status quo.  People talk a lot about things going stale in the wrestling business, so what better list to make my first than my top five things in wrestling that have become stale?

 

5. The Undertaker

Undertaker and Shane McMahon
Image Source:
Cageside Seats

Come at me bros I’ll fight you in real life. This isn’t to discredit the incredible career of the Undertaker at all; Jesus, one of the first wrestling matches I ever saw on TV was Undertaker as “Mean Mark” teaming with Dan Spivey as the Skyscrapers so his career spans pretty much my entire life. The Undertaker is a gimmick that should have died on sight, but Mark Callaway didn’t just make it work, he’s reinvented it so many times over the years that The Undertaker is now wrestling folklore. He’s the end boss in the video game.

But I feel like in recent years he’s been surviving on his name value rather than evolving or staying relevant. This isn’t due to the streak ending at Wrestlemania 30 either; I feel like he’s coasted a bit since his Wrestlemania 28 match with Triple H. Don’t get me wrong, I love The Undertaker. But these annual appearances and the occasional Summerslam dick punching cameo will eventually lead younger and newer fans to start asking why he’s such a big deal, and that isn’t fair on Mark Callaway. I think a well done, respectful farewell tour is needed so that The Undertaker can leave the world of wrestling being remembered the right way.

 

4. Jim Cornette

Jim Cornette
Image Source:
WWE

Seriously, 1v1 me I’ll wreck you. Jim Cornette is the crown prince of grumpiest men in wrestling until Ole Anderson dies. I listen to his podcast on a regular basis and I will say off the bat I genuinely think he could still make a wonderful booker.  He has a passion for the industry I don’t see in anyone else, he’s still one of the all-time greatest talkers the business has ever seen and on a personal note his absolute hatred for the right wing and Fox News is always a pleasure to indulge in. However, as good as he has been, he could be great for the wrestling industry in 2017. He could match and probably surpass Paul Heyman as someone who truly gets the business.

But the big problem with Jim Cornette is he won’t evolve. As much as I understand and appreciate his legendary hatred for Vince Russo and trash wrestling such as JCW, his reluctance to evolve with the times is starting to become abrasive. This has been laid out in the open lately with his constant haranguing of Kenny Omega and The Young Bucks. Yes, they do comedy wrestling, but Jim seems to overlook that the three of them are immensely talented and have become legitimate stars in a non WWE way in a post WCW era, which is pretty much unheard of.

I agree with him that these guys and a lot of modern wrestlers blow through big spots like they were nothing and that frustrates me as well, but to run them down and write them off is just cantankerous and short sighted. Furthermore, he needs to stop taking every single event in the wrestling business and comparing it to the Midnight Express/anyone who ever wrestled for Mid-South. Seriously. Go and watch any clip on YouTube of Jim Cornette talking about anything and see if you can find one where he doesn’t tie the subject to Bobby Eaton/Bubba Rogers/Tommy Rich/anyone who knows what grits are. I love the Mid-South stuff but the further away it gets chronologically, the more Jim Cornette’s arguments are starting to look like the ramblings of an old man and he is so much better than that.

 

3. Free TNA Championship runs for ex-WWE guys

Drew Galloway
Image Source:
Huffington Post

I’m writing this just after reading about Jack Swagger securing his release from WWE.  My immediate reaction? “God, he’s going to be the worst TNA champion ever!”  You could argue that TNA has only actually made a handful of stars; AJ Styles, Abyss, Braden Walker and Bobby Roode, to be precise.  A handful came in with a big indie reputation such as Samoa Joe, Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards. You could argue that they made Matt Hardy a star, but I’d counter argue that they just let Matt and Jeff do what they like and Matt Hardy made himself a star. But since 2005 TNA has really survived on the name value of ex WWE/WCW talent. In the early days it was exciting; I remember Jeff Hardy showing up in 2005 unannounced to fight AJ Styles and genuinely popping for it. Kurt Angle signing was absolutely monumental and really made the rest of the wrestling world sit up and take notice. I’d go so far as to say Kurt Angle extended the lifespan of TNA with his presence.

But it seems that the lifecycle for any known talent these days is to leave WWE, go to TNA, win a championship, then leave. Scott Steiner, Kevin Nash, Booker T, Christian, Ken Kennedy/Mr Anderson, Drew Galloway, the list goes on. It’s become tediously predictable and it needs to stop. The problem with TNA (Okay, one problem) is it’s too big to be small and too small to be big.  They don’t have the edgy hipster appeal of Ring of Honor or EVOLVE so they struggle to create wrestlers that the hardcore fans can get behind, but at the same time lack the national TV exposure to make any big name sports entertainers.  TNA has become WWE’s kid brother who gets the hand-me-downs and has to make do with them.

 

2. Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman
Image Source:
WWE

Sorry, I don’t get it. The last thing Brock Lesnar did that amazed me was that superplex on the Big Show that broke the ring. His programme with Kurt Angle in the run up to Wrestlemania 19 was amazing but I put that down to Kurt and the fact he is (in my opinion) one of the greatest of all time. I get that he is basically a Panzer Tank made out of meat and if this was WWF in 1989 he would be the most over heel in all of wrestling to job to Hulk Hogan.

But it’s 2017 and what it takes to be a star in 2017 isn’t what it was in 1989, and it certainly isn’t anything Brock Lesnar now has. I don’t buy this nonsense about Brock bringing a “big fight feel”. Sure, he was in UFC but his record was 6-4 (it could have been 7-3 but y’know, he beat Mark Hunt after an illegal run in from drugs). Bobby Lashley’s MMA record is 15-2 and he can put on a much better wrestling match than Lesnar can. The only reason Bobby Lashley would never have gotten the same pop as Lesnar is because while Brock was booked as a monster, Lashley was booked as a smiley man who beat up a dude on a Segway.

I’m pretty sure WWE know this as well. They have Paul Heyman do all his talking and Heyman could sell ice to Eskimos so there’s no challenge there. On the rare occasions Brock does speak, he seems to be allowed to say whatever he likes, so long as he swears to get a pop out of the smarks. Then it’s just a case of letting him advertise sandwiches on his wrestling shorts, only putting him in squash matches and there you have it. However, in 2017 we are fortunate to have wrestlers who can do everything Brock does by themselves and on top of it, can wrestle a decent match.  Much like the Undertaker, Brock is a an empty shell of reputation and that shell is eroding away.

Also, he’s a prick.

 

1. Wrestling Fans

WWE crowd
Image Source:
The Sportster

I’ll be honest, I started this article on the premise that I hate modern wrestling fans and worked backwards. By far the most stale, outdated, tired trope in all of wrestling is not John Cena, the Roman Reigns push, the PG era, Vince or the storylines. Smart mark fans have been a cancer to wrestling since Stone Cold Steve Austin’s “What” gimmick caught on and they are starting to make watching wrestling unbearable.  The rest of this will be addressed to “you”. “You” is the generic smart mark who likes to chant Husky Harris at Bray Wyatt.

It’s part of a much bigger societal problem where people nowadays feel much more entitled, and feel as though they can take a dump on anything they don’t like on the premise they paid their money. While I understand that you have paid your money, you aren’t happy with the goods you received for that money and you want that to be known, you seem to forget that you are in an arena with a few thousand other fans and a few million watching at home who may not share or care about your opinions.

You’re the equivalent of the white trash mother in McDonalds who makes a scene as they forgot to take the pickles out of her burger.  You make a scene and make a noise and people around you aren’t sharing in your righteous indignation, they’re embarrassed to be near you and want to get away from you. Chanting “Chris Benoit” at a WWE show doesn’t make you cool, it makes you a prick. Doing a Mexican wave in a match you find boring is disrespectful and like watching a kid in a supermarket throw a tantrum. In the early 90s I used to be embarrassed to admit I was a wrestling fan because of the product (thanks Mantaur).  Nowadays, I’m embarrassed to admit it because of the obnoxiousness of the fans. Knowing insider news and terms does not make you cool and edgy. The internet is not new.  Anyone with even a mild interest in wrestling could get the same information as you in less than five clicks. If you don’t like the show, don’t go. Stay home and stick to what you’re good at, like trading racial and homophobic slurs on Xbox Live and polluting the comments sections of YouTube videos.

One day I may even fantasy book a smark’s dream wrestling PPV.  Here’s a spoiler; the main event is a fatal 4 way circle jerk between Bryan Danielson, CM Punk, AJ Styles and Kenny Omega where the first one to ejaculate on the original ECW title wins. This card will take place in the old Raw is War set and Drowning Pool’s Bodies will play on an endless loop throughout the whole show.

So there you go – my top five most tired things in wrestling. Do you agree? Probably not.  It’s OK, just chant “FIRE RUSSO” or “CHANGE THE CHANNEL” at me until the sweat on your neckbeard subsides.

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