5 Dream Matches For A CM Punk Wrestling Return

CM Punk is my favourite wrestler. His summer of Punk back in 2011 was revolutionary, even if it never quite succeeded in transforming a creatively stagnant WWE. What Punk did succeed at was making me a wrestling fan again, only to split like he always said he would. It was bittersweet, but now a British wrestling promotion wants to pay him a million dollars to come back, and it must now happen or I will go on strike.

I know. It’s a totally selfish asshole thing to want. It’s pretty clear from Punk’s own words that his love for the business was worn to the bone over years of backstage politics and bad communication. The guy’s rich enough to never have to wrestle again, and there’s no reason he would want to. Hell, if he doesn’t really love wrestling anymore, I’m sure most of us wouldn’t want him to. When you pay millions of dollars to bring back a guy who’s mentally checked out of wrestling you get Brock Lesnar.

But still. This is CM Punk we’re talking about. He was a trailblazer. The success of indie wrestling today is, at least in small part, thanks to Punk and his big mouth. So which indie stars would deliver dream matches with Cookie Monster Punk? Here’s our Punk-dream-match-menu:

 

Kenny Omega

Omega said earlier this year that CM Punk was the only guy left who could make a meaningful addition to Bullet Club. With the acquisition of Marty Scurll, Omega was proven wrong. But imagine if Punk instead went toe to toe with Kenny the Cleaner in New Japan Pro Wrestling?

Punk Vs Omega would be a money main event. Both men are immeasurably charismatic and their mix of styles could add up to a true spectacle. Omega’s frenetic energy can make any match great, especially if he has something to prove. And while he doesn’t quite match up to Omega’s Wrestle Kingdom 11 opponent Kazuchika Okada, CM Punk is a gifted in ring storyteller. Gods of wrestling, make this happen.

 

Matt Riddle

One man left wrestling to pursue MMA. The other was spurned by UFC only to find new life as a pro-wrestler. It’s a story so straightforward it’s almost a waste of time even writing it down.

Matt Riddle is relatively new to wrestling, only debuting in February 2015. If anything, though, that would only make this match more intriguing. With UFC looming so recently in both men’s past, an MMA style match full of mat wrestling and striking could blur the lines between work and shoot.

We’ve seen CM Punk do this before againsts Brock Lesnar in WWE, and it might finally stop the old timers complaining about all the flippy shit in indie wrestling.

 

Will Ospreay

Speaking of flippy shit, the idea of this bout intrigues me more than all the others. CM Punk walked away from WWE in 2014, but his last indie appearance was way back in 2005. That means he’s not wrestled on the indies for 12 years. Exactly what he’d make of how it’s changed, and how he’d digest Ospreay’s stuntman-killing-the-business offence would be too fascinating to pass up on.

Fortunately, underneath all of Ospreay’s backward over-the-ropes summersaults he’s actually one of the most naturally gifted young wrestlers on earth. He sells great and his chain wrestling game is legit. There’s another easy story to be told here, too: the new blood of independent wrestling battling to earn the respect of an indie legend – even if it does mean adapting to CM Punk’s more grounded style when necessary.

 

Marty Scurll

Neither CM Punk nor Marty Scurll are the beefiest of guys. In the 80s, they would have been one-and-done squash match fodder for Hulk Hogan or Ultimate Warrior. Luckily, looking like a Greco-Roman god doesn’t matter anymore. Scurll makes the list because of what he and Punk could do with crowd interaction.

Scurll is a pantomime villain. It’s practically in the name of his gimmick. His offence is tailored to work the crowd and he’s a natural at it. Punk, meanwhile, is an audience puppetmaster. You can count on one hand the number of wrestlers who can make a crowd hang on their every word and action the way CM Punk could.

This match could be like the very best house show battles, simmering with audience interaction and homages to past wrestling icons.

 

Tetsuya Naito

I’ve compared CM Punk and Tetsuya Naito before, but it’s a comparison which bears repeating. Each man’s heelish persona is distinct, but their impact on the fanbase and their respective wrestling companies feels obtrusively similar. Both men shook up the status quo, and fans went rabid for it.

Seeing the two square off would be fascinating, not least because something tells me their ring styles would mesh well. Again, both men are excellent storytellers, and watching them try to one up each other with who can show the most disrespect feels like a tale waiting to be told.

Also, I want to see CM Punk do the thing where it looks like he’s going for a suicide dive, but then does the LIJ pose with the fist in the air and the pretend finger monocle.

At this point I’m supposed to ask you who you’d like CM Punk to face in a possible comeback. I know you’ve got that one name you’re positively giddy about suggesting, so get on with it.

For my money, some honourable mentions would be Adam Cole, Keith Lee and Zack Sabre Jr. Spurt your grammatical meanderings in the comments below.