7 Positives to Take From the EU Referendum Results

We’re a little bit shellshocked at Cultured Vultures. Most of the writers here were in the Remain camp, so to wake up this morning to the news that the UK has voted to leave the European Union has been, in a word, shite. But things aren’t all shite; your house definitely won’t be on fire and you can still afford to (barely) shop at Spar for the time being.

If you’re struggling to look on the brightside of the results, here are some carefully researched* positives to keep you going.

1. We Still Have Two Years
Nothing is going to change until 2020. That gives us plenty of time for us to build our fallout shelters and/or colonise Mars. Plus, Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson will have probably been outed as Lizard People by then, too.

2. The Whole Country Will Re-Enact The Divide
Did you ever watch The Divide? Good film, that. Pretty sure the United Kingdom will be like this before long. Probably not. Maybe.

3. Twitter Game is Strong
Nothing unites Brits quite like our sardonic sense of humour. We could have ten seconds to live as the bombs drop down on us and we’d still have to fire out some pure fire tweets, as evidenced below.

The GSCE students in 50 years that have to write all this up #EURefResults

— Brad Mattinson (@BradMattinson_) 24 June 2016

This is exactly what we're trying to say, it's unfair to our generation #EURefResults pic.twitter.com/liGVH4Fuas

— kels!., (@kelseyftashton) 24 June 2016

This is like the whole class getting detention when it was only one half that were messing around. #EURefResults

— Usman Ahmed (@TVLovesMe) 24 June 2016

"i'll have a fredo and water thanks" #EURefResults pic.twitter.com/uEQnUezrox

— julia (@arianasgreedy) 24 June 2016

Live scenes from the Euro tunnel. 🇬🇧#EURefResults pic.twitter.com/lPoVRjKYQQ

— ️John Cole (@Saint_Spitfire) 24 June 2016

Brexiters waking up this morning #EURefResults pic.twitter.com/V95zT050Un

— nihilist (@immxlation) 24 June 2016

I am screaming 😩😂 #EURefResults pic.twitter.com/tPLh5puS0K

— Paigey Cakey (@Paigey_Cakey) 24 June 2016

you could punch a random British on the street in the face today and there's a 52% chance that they deserved it #EURefResults

— e is DONE (@lovestoryhes) 24 June 2016

4. Less People on the Christmas Card List
Pandle, Kettering, other places that sound like Tolkien coughed them up, off you go.

5. Canada is Beautiful
Thinking of leaving the UK after Brexit? Canada is a great place to live. Everything is familiarly cold, their wildlife is more exciting, and ice hockey is an absurd, violent sport, perfect for England’s Euro 2016 hooligans. Plus, they don’t lock their doors, meaning all the bank robbers being forced to return from Spain can have an easy transition.

6. Scotland Will Get the Independence it Deserves
You did us a solid by staying and we pulled a dick move by leaving. Go do your thing.

7. You’ll Be Dead Soon. Life is Meaningless. There is No Purpose To It. Our Accomplishments Mean Nothing.
Yay!

*nonsense bollocks that shouldn’t be taken seriously.