SmackDown starts on the path to SummerSlam tonight, and it’s about time. What wasn’t predictable at Extreme Rules (AJ Styles retaining the WWE Championship) was deflating (Daniel Bryan getting his ass kicked by the Bludgeon Brothers) or barely there (the one-move U.S. title match). We know we’re getting a Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jeff Hardy rematch tonight for that U.S. championship. Perhaps we’ll also get a sign that Bryan is going to ink a new contract with WWE. A good omen would be seeing him not get pinned cleanly in a tag-team match even though his partner is the guy suffering through a sledgehammer-related injury.
Intro: We review Hardy losing his U.S. title and getting his junk smashed twice on pay-per-view. That Randy Orton low blow looked nasty. Kudos to Nakamura for looking at Orton as if even he thought that cheapshot went too far. Corey Graves notes that Hardy looks “too lighthearted” for a guy who just lost his championship and endured two different men trying to murder his genitals. That’s an apt comment that explains Hardy’s limitations as a performer as well as his consistent appeal to fans.
The Charismatic Enigma informs us that he may make an entrance and wear face-paint like Jeff Hardy, but he does not feel like Jeff Hardy. He feels like something is missing. Jeff tells us emphatically that his heart is broken as he flutters his eyelid pupils at us. Hardy blames Nakamura, “the embodiment of moral turpitude.” He wasn’t thinking clearly when he agreed to compete after the low-blow, but he’s thinking clearly tonight. And Hardy is focused on making Nakamura feel as much pain as humanly possible and reclaiming his U.S. title.
FIGHTING WORDS: “Enjoy the show! Wooo!” – Jeff Hardy channeling Sting during a TV taping promo in 1989.
We view Nakamura watching Hardy on a backstage monitor. Renee Young asks for his reaction to Hardy’s words. Nakamura calls Hardy a sad clown. He feigns crying, then grins widely while caressing his U.S. title belt. He plans to make the clown cry again, then proclaims, “God bless America.”
AJ Styles makes his way to the ring. He was confronted by Zelina Vega earlier today, and accepted the challenge to face her charge. The announce team puts over Andrade “Cien” Almas and his undefeated streak. Now this is an interesting matchup.
WWE Champion AJ Styles vs. Andrade “Cien” Almas
A methodical start sees Almas outwrestling Styles, though not following up on his early success. Almas grabs a headlock and takes Styles to the mat. AJ creates separation, then misses a dropkick as Almas goes tranquilo in the ropes. After watching Cien showboat, AJ takes the fight outside the ring and throws him into the barricade. He can’t sustain offense, as the match comes back inside and Almas rocks him with a running knee in the corner. A second running knee hits only turnbuckle, and Almas falls to the arena floor.
AJ slingshots himself over the top rope to bash Almas with a Phenomenal Forearm on the outside. Instead of going for a pin, he takes Almas to the ground with a dragon-screw leg-whip. Vega intervenes to jaw at Styles, allowing Almas to blindside him. Almas brings Styles back into the ring and grounds him with an armbar. Styles counters and dumps Almas with an inverted faceslam.
Both men take their time recovering. Styles gets the upper hand when they rise, clouting Cien with a clothesline and running forearm. He hits the leaping corner clothesline, but can’t execute ushigoroshi, as Almas wiggles out and blasts AJ with a dropkick. Almas gets his rope-drape backbreaker and slam for a two-count. Cien perches AJ on the top turnbuckle, then dropkicks him. He sets up for the double-knees. AJ springs up and snatches Almas for the ushigoroshi, getting his own two-count.
Styles fails to land the Styles Clash, then gets knocked off the ropes when he attempts the Phenomenal Forearm. Almas goes up top to hit his double-jump moonsault, nearly winning the match. Vega wears disappointment on her face at ringside. Almas tries a suplex, but Styles flips out and staggers Almas with an enziguri. AJ then counters a tornado reverse-DDT with a Pele kick that crowns Almas. With Cien sitting dizzy on the turnbuckle, Styles goes for a top-rope move. Almas trips him, leaving AJ hanging by his legs on the middle rope, and plants a double-stomp to his chest off the top turnbuckle. Almas quickly capitalizes with his double-knees maneuver against the turnbuckles for a near-fall.
Almas slowly makes it to his feet, picking up AJ. He hooks Styles for the Hammerlock DDT, but AJ blocks that move and applies the Calf Crusher. Almas taps after 2-3 seconds. That’s a big showcase for Cien, who wrestled a competitive match against the man who’s been WWE champion since 2017. He wins by losing against the champ that runs the camp.
Result: AJ Styles beat Andrade “Cien” Almas by submission via the Calf Crusher.
Grade: A-
After the match, Styles and Almas stare each other down. An upset Almas rolls to the outside and walks silently backstage next to Vega.
Backstage, a chastened Aiden English walks up to Lana and implores her to let him apologize for exposing the turnbuckle that Rusev hit head-first at Extreme Rules. Lana advises him to back off. She speaks with an American accent except when she’s pronouncing “Rusev”. English pleads for a second chance, claiming he’s always had Rusev’s back. The Bulgarian Brute will make that decision at a later time.
The Miz took home MVP honors in the Major League Baseball All-Star celebrity softball game a few days ago. I’m pretty sure that game took place 20 minutes from my home, and I’m 100% sure I did not attend.
Becky Lynch vs. Mandy Rose
Becky Lynch sidesteps an early pump-knee attempt, then doubles over Mandy Rose with a spin-kick. Lynch hits her springboard kick to Rose in the corner. She gets distracted by Sonya Deville, however, and pays for it, as Rose slings her off the rope when Lynch tries the springboard kick once more. Rose stomps Lynch in the corner, then suplexes her foe for a two-count.
Rose whips Lynch into the corner, then drills her with a dropkick. A second pump-knee strike connects, and Rose gets another two-count. When Rose goes for a short-arm clothesline, though, Lynch ducks and executes an O’Connor Roll and rolling cradle. Rose kicks out of both maneuvers, only to get blasted with a flying forearm and leg lariat. Lynch throws Rose with the Becksploder, then hooks the Dis-Arm-Her for the victory. No sign of fight from Rose during the last 30 seconds of this match.
Result: Becky Lynch beat Mandy Rose via submission with the Dis-Arm-Her.
Grade: C+
Lynch grabs a microphone and tells the crowd that winning feels “freakin’ great.” She says she’s kept working so she can rack up victories, and she’s just getting started. Becky tells Carmella that, “Straight fire is comin’ for ya.” Lynch claims it’s time for Becky Balboa to become SmackDown Women’s Champion again. Such a novel concept to have a wrestler be rewarded for winning numerous matches against other top contenders by being granted a title shot.
Backstage, Paige asks Carmella if she heard Lynch calling her out. Carmella clarifies that English accents give her a headache, and James Ellsworth is not her boyfriend. She requests another Mellabration as a reward for beating Asuka at Extreme Rules. Paige agrees to do so – if Carmella defeats Lynch in a non-title match next week. But, if Lynch wins, Carmella puts up the gold at SummerSlam.
In the men’s locker room, R-Truth appears to ask Tye Dillinger if he’s ready for tonight. Dillinger gruffly tells Truth that he doesn’t need a pep talk before facing Samoa Joe, and walks away. Truth turns to reveal that he’s speaking to someone else via Bluetooth. We watch the recap of Samoa Joe assaulting Dillinger on the entrance ramp before a booked match last week. They’re up next. Ouch. And I complained about the Extreme Rules matches having predictable outcomes.
Tye Dillinger vs. Samoa Joe
Dillinger attacks Joe as the bell rings, kicking him down in the corner. When the fight spills outside, Dillinger shoves Joe spine-first into the announce table. He lands punches to Joe’s head. Joe dislikes this treatment, and chucks Dillinger into the ring-post. Joe rolls Dillinger into the ring and jabs him with right hands. Joe cracks Dillinger with his turn-around enziguri. Asking Tye if this what he wanted, Joe goes for the Coquina Clutch. Dillinger initially blocks the move, but a second attempt brings him to the mat for the submission. Joe looks like his ideal self, a destroyer who would intimidate anyone.
Result: Samoa Joe beat Tye Dillinger via submission with the Coquina Clutch.
Grade: D+
After the match, Joe stares through the camera, his face filling the television screen. We may see more of him in a high-profile SummerSlam match.
Dressed in black, The Miz paces to the ring for a Team Hell No funeral service. He is followed by pallbearers wheeling out a head adorned with a Kane mask and wig. He solemnly and facetiously shakes hands with some fans along the aisle. Brilliant. Miz brings the mask in the ring (which is bedecked with a wreath and blown-up photographs of Team Hell No) as tuneless organ music swells throughout the arena. He addresses the attendees, a fair number of whom are also dressed in all-black.
FIGHTING WORDS: “Thank you all for being here tonight.” The Miz, greeting his fellow mourners before promoting his new reality show and bragging about his softball game MVP award.
Tonight, we pay respects to the worst friends ever. Extending the *NYSNC references for another week, Miz relays that it is now time to say “Bye bye bye” to Team Hell No. He invokes the Grim Reaper’s icy touch before requesting that the audience rise and honor Daniel Bryan and Kane with a moment of silence. They fail to pay their respects. So he speaks from the heart, telling everyone, “I told you so.” He runs down his past criticism of Kane and Bryan, insulting Bryan as a glory-hound. Miz says Bryan knows the truth: his return from injury has been a bust. He destroys his legacy weekly, and only Miz has the courage to tell him he’ll never headline WrestleMania again.
Tired of attending his tag-team’s memorial service, Bryan ambushes Miz from behind. He clobbers the pallbearers, who give Miz enough time to escape. Graves complains that Bryan ruined his own funeral. Miz smiles at Bryan from the entrance ramp.
The New Day gets psyched up backstage for continued combat with Sanity. Kofi Kingston takes on Eric Young next.
Kofi Kingston vs. Eric Young
A high dropkick from Kofi gets a two-count after a feeling-out period. Young drives Kingston down with elbows. When Young bounces off the ropes to increase the tempo, Kingston trips him, then springboards onto Young with a top-rope chop. He clotheslines Young over the top rope. After two false starts, Young reenters the ring, and is summarily thrown back onto the arena floor. Kofi gets cute and misses a baseball slide, and Young makes him pay by slamming his head into the ring apron and tossing him back inside the ring.
Young again tries to up the pace, but Kofi leapfrogs him twice and scores with a jumping back-elbow for a two-count. EY responds by going to the eyes and belting Kingston with a right hand. On the defensive, Kofi uses leverage to pull Young into the turnbuckle. Young proves cleverer by kicking out Kingston’s leg as he prowls the apron, sending him sprawling to the arena floor. Young drapes Kingston over the apron, beating him with forearms, then stomping him.
As Young catapults Kingston’s throat into the bottom rope, Byron Saxton tells us the story of Young failing to earn a WWE contract after a slew of tryouts roughly 20 years ago. He posits that this experience may have helped cause Young’s descent into chaos. I think it merely makes him look untalented. Just tell us he’s a lunatic trying to destroy society. Young executes a neckbreaker, then twists Kofi’s neck. Kingston elbows his way out, only to eat a straight right-hand in the corner. Young mounts the second rope and pulls Kofi off the ground in a dragon sleeper-type maneuver. Upon his release, a weary Kingston snaps off a dropkick, and both men are down.
Kingston rallies to the sound of Xavier Woods’ trombone. He chops Young down twice, and hits the Sanity leader with his leaping clothesline and Boom Drop. He calls for the Trouble in Paradise. Young ducks the move and rolls up Kingston for a two-count. Kingston whips Young in the turnbuckles. EY flips over the ropes and climbs the adjacent turnbuckle, only for Kingston to spring up and hurl him to the mat for a near-fall.
A hurt Young rolls to the safety of Sanity at ringside. Kofi vaults over the top rope (and referee) to crush all three Sanity members. He brings Young back inside the ring, nearly getting the victory with SoS. He climbs the top rope again, only to get distracted by Alexander Wolfe and Killian Dain. Woods and Big E neutralize their enemies, and Kofi goes for another springboard maneuver. When Young dips under him, Kingston executes an O’Connor Roll. Young kicks out, sending Kingston stumbling toward the ropes. Dain seizes the opportunity, grabbing Woods on the outside and heaving him into Kofi as Kingston tries to halt his momentum. A woozy Kingston is easy prey for Young’s Wheelbarrow Neckbreaker.
Result: Eric Young beat Kofi Kingston with the Wheelbarrow Neckbreaker.
Grade: B
Backstage, we see Nakamura appearing to worship his new title belt. Then we see Hardy staring at us with his checkered contact lenses. They’re fighting next. Or just looking at things together while Nakamura makes weird hand gestures.
Next week, Paige will announce whom AJ Styles will face for the WWE Championship at SummerSlam.
U.S. Champion Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jeff Hardy
Hardy attacks Nakamura as the bell rings. Nakamura pushes him away, then throws his low-blow uppercut. Hardy avoids that move and hits Nakamura with a basement dropkick. He uses Good Vibrations against Nakamura. When Shinsuke bails to ringside, Hardy pursues and skies off the steel-stairs to crash into Nakamura. Hardy throws Nakamura inside and climbs the ropes for a quick Swanton Bomb. Nakamura rolls to ringside as we roll to break.
We rejoin SmackDown to find Nakamura nudging a prone Hardy with his boot. He surprises Hardy with a right boot to the head, forcing Jeff to kick out three times after that strike. Nakamura keeps Hardy grounded with a chinlock. Hardy struggles to his feet, freeing himself only to get flung to the mat. Shinsuke mocks Hardy’s dance moves before sticking a boot in his throat. He steps into Bad Vibrations, then snares Hardy in a front-facelock. Jeff breaks the hold, then moves when Nakamura attempts a knee drop.
Hardy calls for Nakamura to be deleted. He rams his head into all four top turnbuckles, then drops Nakamura with a sit-down jawbreaker. A “big” splash gets a two-count. A side Russian leg-sweep – and subsequent pinning combination – gets a near-fall. Hardy calls for the Twist of Fate. Nakamura sends him into the turnbuckle, then kicks him in the back of the neck. A focused Shinsuke hangs Hardy off the ring apron, then buries a knee strike into Hardy’s chest as we take our final break.
When we return, both men jockey for position. Jeff fends off three Nakamura turnbuckle charges, then dives onto him with the Whisper in the Wind for a two-count. Hardy wallops Nakamura with a flying forearm. He executes an inverted-atomic-drop, then lays in a double-legdrop and low dropkick for a two-count. Hardy again signals for the Twist of Fate. Nakamura again counters that finisher, so Hardy improvises with a one-legged mule kick. Nakamura fights back, booting Jeff on a Hardiac Arrest attempt, then driving a knee into Hardy’s gut as the challenger is splayed across the top rope.
Unable to secure the victory, Nakamura pulls Jeff to his feet. Hardy refuses to be thrown with the Reverse Exploder, so Nakamura delivers a single-leg backstabber. A sliding knee to a seated Hardy gets a two-count. Nakamura lays in some additional knees, then lines up a Kinshasa. When he sprints toward Hardy, Jeff corrals him with a slingblade. Hardy goes up top for a Swanton Bomb, but Nakamura again prevents the move, kicking Hardy off the turnbuckle to the mat. Shinsuke goes for the Kinshasa again. Hardy plays matador to dodge that strike, then scores with the Twist of Fate (Stunner version).
Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb flush. When he covers Nakamura, Randy Orton surfaces outta nowhere to pull Hardy to ringside.
Result: Jeff Hardy defeated Shinsuke Nakamura via disqualification when Randy Orton pulled Hardy to ringside.
Grade: B+
Orton repeatedly slams an exhausted Hardy’s head into the ring-steps. Nakamura watches this massacre warily from the entrance ramp. A resurgent Hardy pelts Orton with right hands, but Orton rakes his eyes and sends Hardy into the steps again. He places Hardy’s head on top of the stairs, and stomps Jeff’s skull into the steel. He asks Hardy if he knows why this is happening, then tells him he’ll have to work to find out. Then he pulls on Hardy’s earlobe to attempt to mutilate him. That’s graphic even for people without pierced ears. Orton throws Hardy over the announce table, then yells, “Where’s Shinsuke?” Nakamura has wisely made himself scarce. Orton pulls Hardy onto the announce table and belts him with right hands. He delivers a DDT off the table onto the arena floor as we go off-air.
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