Single of the Week: Vulgarians – ‘Wet Juice’

I don’t imagine there are many dieticians out there who would recommend a vulgarian diet. Now, you might be asking yourselves what even a vulgarian diet is. Which is, of course, understandable. I mean, given that no dieticians out there are going to give it a recommendation, it’s hardly going to be the latest fad diet. There aren’t any books out there peddling its intricacies for your cash money.

The vulgarian diet is like an extreme version of the one that little boys are made of. You know, snips and snails and puppy dogs’ tails, with its polar opposite being that of little girl creation; sugar and spice and everything nice. Well, the vulgarian diet is even more so the polar opposite of sugar and spice and everything nice. It is a diet solely consisting of all things vulgar, of very vulgarity itself.

Now, you may be asking, ‘if snips and snails and puppy-dogs’ tails makes little boys, then what on Earth would its more extreme version make?’ Well, a band, and the kind of band who had to be ‘dragged from a cold, damp industrial warehouse in Hull’ so as to proceed in churning out the kind of rock that crawls in sludge between violent outbursts in the swirling murk of the smog. Kind of like the Blob transforming into an unhinged Jack the Ripper intermittently.

If the end result of the vulgarian diet is Vulgarians and the music they make, then I can’t possibly see why more people aren’t recommending this diet. When you listen to ‘Wet Juice’, which is your Single of the Week this week (see, I got there in the end), you’ll be wondering the same thing too. Its treacle trundling bass lurks and lurches along amidst clanging and twanging, metallic spider web guitars, B-movie horror synth sounds, distorted drives, and an angry zombie drawl.

Okay, I get why no one recommends that diet now. One group of Vulgarians is enough.