5 TV Sitcom Characters Who’d Thrive In A Purge

The Purge is one of the more intriguing action/horror franchises of the past decade, boasting a unique concept ripe for exploration. What effect would legalising crime for one night have on the regular population? Apparently, everyone turns into uncontrollable psychopaths who kill, steal, rape and probably even teabag their trusted colleagues for reasons that seem to defy logic. Rationality can get to fuck when you’re “releasing the beast”.

But I’ve often wondered, especially after that season two Rick and Morty episode–“Look Who’s Purging Now”–which parodied the idea, what would a Purge look like in other worlds? More specifically, which TV characters would totally murder their co-stars come Purge Night? With the no longer recent news that The Purge is getting a TV Show (which goes to show you how long I’ve been sitting on this article), let’s take a peek at a few examples:

 

Malcolm Tucker

(The Thick of It)

Armando Iannucci’s satirical comedy The Thick of It gave viewers a glimpse into the political minefield that is British Politics. It also introduced us to the one-man-swearing-tsunami that is Malcolm Tucker. Director of Communications, Tucker was the man responsible for ensuring that the inept and pathetic MPs towed the party line and stayed on message, utilising fear and intimidation to keep the troops in check. A man with such extreme anger as Malcolm Tucker would need a way to vent, and Purge Night would fit that bill. Ordinarily, government officials are exempt from Purge rules, but woe betide any journalists who dare to besmirch him or his party.

 

Dr. Cox

(Scrubs)

Perry Ulysses Cox was one of many reasons why Scrubs provided 8 Seasons worth of top quality sitcom entertainment. We refuse to talk about Season 9. It never happened; we purged it. Like Tucker before him, Dr Cox was a man of an angry and violent temperament, utilising long rants and classic zingers to dress down his colleagues. This wasn’t because he was a bully, although he did enjoy torturing the interns. He did it because he expected the best from those he worked with, and those who missed those expectations felt the full fury of Cox. Now imagine being the doctor who ballsed up a key procedure the morning of Purge Night. At least all of his patients will have a sudden influx of organ donors.

 

Carl Otis Winslow
(Family Matters)

The portly patriarch of the Winslow family and the initial focus of the sitcom Family Matters, Carl had a lot on his plate. If it wasn’t stress caused by his job as a Police Officer, the pressure of having a family or the fact that one of the children disappeared without a trace between seasons, it’s that rat bastard Steve Urkel. Carl was the foil for Urkel’s ridiculous science experiments, which often resulted in daft and detrimental consequences. They were also completely out of place for the “blue collar Cosby show”, but Key and Peele covered that insanity better than I ever could. Point is, Purge Night is pending and Carl is playing the lab rat no longer. GET OUT OF MY LIFE, STEEEEEEVVVVVVVEEEEE!

 

Newman
(Seinfeld)

“Hello Jerry!” With those two immortal words, TV audiences were introduced to the most diabolical sitcom character in history: Newman! Ordinarily, his occupation as a mailman is qualification enough for him to join the purge brigade. It’s called “going postal” for a reason. But Newman earns a special mention when you consider that he is the Lex Luthor to Jerry Seinfeld’s Superman. The two spend much of Seinfeld’s 9 seasons locked in an eternal blood feud, rivals determined to get one up on each. At least, that’s how Newman sees things. Jerry considers the enigma wrapped in a Twinkie to be an irritant at worst. Purge Night would be the ultimate opportunity for Newman to seize ultimate victory, putting an end to that woeful excuse for a comedian and his inane observations for good.

 

Robert Barone

(everybody loves raymond)

Everybody Loves Raymond. His mother, his father, his wife and kids; Raymond is the apple of their eyes. His brother Robert, however? Not so much. Often the butt of Ray’s jokes and neglected by the rest of his family in favour of the golden child, resentment towards his younger brother begins to show. Sure, Robert cares about his family and his brother, but Raymond is just too good at pushing the big guy’s buttons. One of these days, jealousy and rage are going to get the better of Robert, and the rest of the Barone’s are going to suffer for it. Come Purge Night, there’s going to be a new favourite in the family. Everybody is going to love Robert.