The Greatest Royal Rumble (aka Saudi Sausagefest 2K18) is in the books. Fortunately, the most ignominious moments did not belong to SmackDown. Put aside the Titus O’Neil incident, which was the funniest event in wrestling history. There were botches galore on the Raw side, the scariest of which was Bobby Lashley appearing to drop Big Cass on his head during a vertical suplex. The most groan-worthy mistake belonged to Jinder Mahal, who exposed the business by selling Jeff Hardy’s top-rope miss. Hopefully, this clumsiness stays in Saudi Arabia, while the female wrestlers are once again allowed to be seen and heard.
Intro: We watch a grainy replay of Braun Strowman shot-putting Shane McMahon off the top rope and through a table at the Greatest Royal Rumble. Watching it with us on a backstage television, Paige announces that Shane won’t appear tonight (much like she didn’t appear at Saudi Arabia). Paige decrees that AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura will fight in a no-disqualification bout to ensure their WWE championship match at Backlash has a clear winner.
– Miz stands in the ring for Miz TV. The host looks resplendent in a red-leather-with-chains ensemble. Coupled with that headband and hair, Miz looks like one of Cobra Kai kids who reached the sensei level. Big cheers for him in Montreal. Miz reminds the audience that he took their province’s pride and joy (Maryse) and brought her to Hollywood. He further turns the crowd by banning Daniel Bryan from Miz TV after he no-showed the segment last week (not really his fault).
– Miz gets serious when warning Seth Rollins that he would take back the Intercontinental title at Backlash. He transitions to the other secondary men’s singles title by introducing his guest: U.S. Champion Jeff Hardy. The Charismatic Enigma defends his championship at Backlash against Randy Orton.
FIGHTING WORDS – “I would shake your hand, but you just high-fived all these dirty people out in front.” – The Miz to Jeff Hardy. Agree 100%.
– Hardy rattles off Miz’s worst characteristics (obnoxious, annoying, etc.) when asked whether he thought Miz would beat Rollins on Sunday. Miz retaliates by bringing out Orton. He tries to stir the pot between Orton and Hardy. Orton doesn’t take the bait, saying that they did the same thing to each other the past few weeks and were now “cool.” Miz tries to create controversy again, bringing up Orton’s place on the SmackDown top ten list. God forbid anyone ever mention that again on penalty of torture. Then Orton slams the final nail into that ill-conceived experiment:
FIGHTING WORDS: “I don’t think anybody cares about any SmackDown top ten list.” – Randy Orton, the voice of the people
– Miz keeps trying to engender conflict, accusing Hardy of costing Orton his match last week. Hardy points out that Sunil Singh entered the ring and distracted Orton. Randy turns his attention to Hardy, telling him that he’s reclaiming his title at Backlash. Hardy tells him he can try.
– Shelton Benjamin interjects himself into the proceedings. He tells Orton he doesn’t deserve anything, and that the Backlash title shot should belong to him. Orton attacks Benjamin as he gets into the ring. Miz goes after Orton, with Hardy evening the odds. Jeff hits the Whisper in the Wind on Miz. That’s a great move when it connects. Orton and Hardy hold the ring as we take our first break.
U.S. Champion Jeff Hardy and Randy Orton vs. Shelton Benjamin and the Miz
– This match has been booked and started since we went to commercial. Orton and Benjamin trade blows. Hardy tags in for a double ax-handle, then tags back to Orton. A boisterous Montreal crowd chants “Brother Nero”. Hardy shrugs, then claps along.
– Benjamin nails Orton with a wheel kick, causing the Viper to spit out a loogie/tooth/gum. Orton looks motivated to help his 2002 classmate. Miz tags in to lock up Orton, who drops him with a back suplex. Hardy makes the semi-hot tag to unload on Miz with a running forearm, double leg-drop, and low dropkick. When Miz counters the Twist of Fate, Hardy socks Benjamin, then rolls up Miz for a two-count. Hardy counters the Skullcrushing Finale with a victory roll pinning combination.
– Miz kicks out and tags Benjamin, who quickly eats a Twist of Fate. But, when Hardy goes to the top for a Swanton Bomb, Miz grabs his leg. Jeff fights him off, but the interference allows Benjamin to regroup and rock Hardy with a running knee. Miz takes advantage by shoving Hardy to the arena floor.
– Benjamin stays on Hardy with a suplex. He and Chad Gable appear to be better-positioned to break out in their respective singles divisions following the brand split. Miz tags in to level a seated Hardy with a running boot. It’s fun to watch Hardy sell a tag-team beating like he does here. And it’s fun to watch Benjamin pick him up in a Styles Clash position, then just carry him around the ring toward his corner.
– Extended chinlock from Miz. Jeff elbows his way out, then barely kicks out after Miz DDTs him. Benjamin tags in and trash-talks Hardy. Jeff lands a sitdown-jawbreaker, but Miz tags in to prevent the hot tag. As Miz attempts a running corner-dropkick, Hardy springs forward to rip him down with his clothesline/takedown maneuver (similar to a slingblade).
– Both men tag out, and Orton lights up Benjamin with clotheslines and a powerslam. Miz intervenes, only to get tossed from the ring and dropped on the table with a back suplex. Orton reenters the ring, dropkicking Benjamin, then front-facelocking both Benjamin and Miz with a double rope-drape DDT. Orton pounds the mat, then snaps off an RKO. Hardy accepts the tag and smashes Benjamin with a Swanton Bomb for the win.
Result: Jeff Hardy and Randy Orton beat The Miz and Shelton Benjamin when Hardy pinned Benjamin after a Swanton Bomb.
Grade: B
The instant after his team is announced as the winners, Orton swoops in to RKO Hardy. Benjamin got a mere week to celebrate after his biggest singles win in 14 years.
– Renee Young interviews the Iconics backstage. Peyton Royce shows off her horrible Renee Young impression. Billie Kay directs Young to “go chase a moose.” She introduces SmackDown Women’s Champion Carmella. The champ puts over the Iconics’ victory against Becky Lynch and Asuka last week, then vows to beat Charlotte Flair again at Backlash. These three women will wrestle Flair, Lynch, and Asuka later tonight.
– Tom Phillips praises Daniel Bryan’s performance at the Greatest Royal Rumble, in which he competed for 76 minutes in the battle royal. He says the WWE medical staff would not let Bryan wrestle tonight due to fears of a chest infection. The production team runs an interview with Bryan, conducted after the rumble, in which he claims he wasn’t tired at match’s end. Corey Graves puts over how “furious” Bryan must be for the medical staff to prevent him from wrestling on SmackDown.
– The Bar walks through the backstage area with their SmackDown contracts in-hand. They yell their catchphrase and chance upon the New Day. Xavier Woods rings a bell, prompting “Mr. Bootyworth”, a guy in a tuxedo t-shirt and top hat, to bring out a platter of pancakes. Bootyworth hands over a bottle of baby oil, which Big E proceeds to rub on his chest. Cesaro sends the pancakes sky-high. Sheamus challenges New Day to a fight; Big E accepts histrionically. Sheamus clarifies that he’s challenging “Short Stack”. Woods accepts by telling Sheamus that “your soul is mine.”
– Rusev Day hangs out backstage, no doubt wondering why they’re still heels. They’re greeted by a visitor. Lana shows up, wearing a Rusev Day t-shirt. Guess she’s done all she can for Tamina. Aiden English takes his leave. Lana starts talking and…she’s not speaking in a Russian accent! Why!? Instead, she insinuates that Rusev is being held back by English. The real-life couple smiles knowingly at each other. I don’t think the solution here is to jettison English from the act and refashion Lana’s ravishing Russian persona.
– Big Cass walks to the ring. He gets confrontational about being from New York City, confirming that New Yawkers treat tourists with arrogance and condescension. Cass tells the world that a real WWE superstar is 7-feet-tall and super-strong. He calls Bryan small and weak, like the fans. He contorts his face to promise that his bout with Bryan won’t be a five-star match; it’ll be a five-second match. Cass calls out Bryan to fight tonight. Big “Oui” chant from the French-Canadian crowd.
– A little person wearing a flowing wig and fake beard shuffles to the ring. He throws up the index fingers for a “Yes chant”. Cass tells “Bryan” that he looks taller than usual, and asks if he’s wearing lifts. Fake Bryan throws leg kicks at Cass, who calls cut on the scene and credits “Montreal’s own, Pierre LaFleur” for his stagecraft. Cass makes a big scene of telling LaFleur to play to the crowd and soak in their cheers. Naturally, he then kicks the tiny thespian and rains down right hands on him. The crowd chants “Asshole” at Cass as referees order him away. A strong reintroduction for Big Cass after his serious injury last year.
– Styles stands center-ring to speak with Young. Apparently, Nakamura wants an apology for AJ’s post-match attack in Saudi Arabia. Styles says he wants to retain his gold, but Shinsuke is more interested in “the wrong jewels.” Deft line. He refuses to apologize to Nakamura, declaring that he should’ve left him “sucking sand in the Arabian desert.” He calls Nakamura a coward, and warns that he can break the rules, too.
– Styles tells Nakamura to show his face if he wants an apology. Instead, Samoa Joe surfaces. He tells Styles that he should be focused on Joe’s upcoming match against Roman Reigns at Backlash. Furthermore, Joe tells Styles that he’s coming to take the WWE championship. Cheers for that pronouncement. Nakamura’s music plays, and Joe turns around and gears up for a brawl on the entrance ramp.
– Naturally, the camera finds the ring just a split-second after Nakamura sneaks in and low-blows Styles. Nakamura stumbles slack-jawed around AJ’s body. He waits for him to rise, swipes at his head a few times, then runs around him (looking drunk as hell) to feign a Kinshasa. Then he gets serious and strikes with a Kinshasa. Loads of personality from Nakamura, who gets in Styles’ face after that move. He vamps around like a lankier Dr. Frank N. Furter before someone finally hits his music.
– This tease with Joe confronting Styles makes a Nakamura title victory seem less likely at Backlash. Unless Joe is going to eviscerate Styles during that fight and cost him the title this Sunday. Also not sure how a no-DQ match settles the Styles/Nakamura feud. Their match at Greatest Royal Rumble ended in a double count-out. This stipulation could increase the chances of a title-winning nutshot this coming Sunday. Regardless, this will be their third pay-per-view singles match in less than one month, so it’s likely time to move on regardless of who’s got the belt.
– Backstage, Lynch fumes at her team’s loss last week. Asuka encourages her to forget about it; tonight, they’ll hit back three times as hard. Charlotte enters the scene to watch Asuka yell out, “Avengers, assemble!”
Xavier Woods vs. Sheamus
– Sheamus pushes Woods around to start. Woods fires back with strikes, then takes out the knee of Sheamus with a low dropkick. A discus forearm and dropkick knock Sheamus from the ring, and Woods soars onto him with a somersault dive over the top rope.
– Sheamus takes over after Woods gets caught up in a pancake-related brouhaha with Cesaro. New Day needs to phase out this part of their act. Sheamus whips Woods face-first into the bottom rope, then continues manhandling Woods with the Ten Beats of the Bodhran. They botch an Irish curse backbreaker, then execute it.
– WWE replays the move in which Sheamus whips Woods into the bottom rope. That slow-motion replay really underlines how Woods wrapped his left arm around the strand to prevent his head from taking the brunt of impact. That’s likely not what the production team was looking to accomplish.
– Woods backflips out of an atomic drop, then kicks away at Sheamus. The big man bulls him into the corner, but misses a shoulder-tackle, hitting the post instead. Woods executes a twisting elbow-drop, using the top-rope for leverage getting a two-count. Woods follows up with a shining wizard to the jaw.
– As Woods climbs the top rope, Cesaro again sticks his nose into the match. Big E grabs him for a Big Ending, but Cesaro dips out and throws him into the ring-post. Cesaro struts around after ducking a Kingston leap, but gets caught by a wrecking-ball dropkick from Woods. Xavier leaves the ring to trash-talk the Swiss cyborg. Sheamus capitalizes by heaving him into the ringside barricade. Sheamus rolls Woods back into the ring. He barks at Kofi, then finds himself hooked by a Woods inside cradle for the three-count.
Result: Xavier Woods pinned Sheamus with an inside cradle.
Grade: B-
– The camera finds Paige watching a backstage monitor. Fortunately, something happens. She exclaims, “Oh, double trouble is here” as the rest of Absolution greet her with a hug. Sonya Deville and Mandy Rose ask her who it’s going to be. Paige reveals that “it’s” going to be Rose, who believes she’s just been awarded a SmackDown women’s title match. Paige informs her that the “it” she’s been granted is a match against Lynch, who the newcomers mocked following her tag-team loss last week. Deville and Rose openly request special treatment. Paige refuses it, calling Absolution dead. Deville and Rose peer down at their useless Absolution cut-offs.
– Zelina Vega cuts a handheld-cam promo. She tells us that we don’t get to know when Andrade “Cien” Almas will debut on SmackDown. When Almas does make it to the blue brand, she pledges, SmackDown will change forever.
Charlotte Flair, Asuka, and Becky Lynch vs. The Iconics and Carmella
– Carmella taunts Flair to start, then tags out to Royce. Lynch enters to take down Royce, then level her with a dropkick. Kay swipes at Lynch from the apron, causing her to lose focus and miss a leg-drop. Kay tags in, Lynch recovers, and Asuka enters the fray.
– Asuka cuts off Kay’s tag attempt. Kay slaps her, which has been a bad idea going back to Asuka’s NXT days. Asuka slaps Kay around, then drops her with a hip attack. Flair tags in to chop down Kay. The moment Kay grabs the advantage, Carmella tags in to beat on Charlotte. The Queen isn’t having it, seizing Carmella for a figure-four attempt. The SmackDown women’s champion screams as she squirms to the ropes. The Iconics pull her to ringside, only to get crushed by a Flair plancha as we take our final break.
– We return to find Royce applying a reverse chin-lock to Lynch. The lasskicker counters a double-team move from Royce and Carmella, then tries to fend off all three opponents. Carmella prevents the hot-tag by elbowing Flair off the apron. Just as Becky dives for her other partner, the Iconics pull Asuka hard to the floor. They throw her into the barricade and the ring-steps. Carmella pulls Lynch away from her corner just as Flair recovers. Undeterred, Lynch leg-presses Carmella to the mat, then tags Flair.
– Charlotte runs over Carmella with a clothesline, then laces into her with chops. Royce and Kay attack Charlotte separately; both women receive overhead tosses. When Carmella tries her luck, Charlotte executes a back suplex, then heads up top. The Iconics impede her, allowing Carmella to trip up Flair, who falls face-first onto the turnbuckle.
– Royce and Kay tag in quick succession, with Royce hitting a spinning kick and Kay getting the two-count after Lynch breaks up the pinfall. Royce tags back in to throw kicks into Charlotte’s midsection as Graves touts their “fetch teamwork.” Nice Mean Girls reference. Carmella tags in and head-scissors Flair off the top-rope for a two-count. She shrieks repeatedly when subsequent covers cannot secure the victory.
– Royce animatedly applies a reverse-chinlock. Flair fights up and backs into her corner. No one is there, so she creates separation from Royce and goes for the figure-four again. When Royce kicks her back into the corner, Asuka rises from the concrete and tags into the match.
– Asuka launches into Royce with a flying dropkick, a spinning backfist, and a running kick to the face. The Empress grabs Royce around the midsection, prompting Peyton to grab hands with Kay and Carmella. Their teamwork is of no avail, as Asuka shoves Royce into her partners, then knocks the illegal women to ringside with a hip attack.
– Royce nearly wins the match with an inside cradle for a near-fall. She hits Asuka with a knee to the head immediately after that kickout, getting another two-count. Peyton misses a spinning kick, allowing Asuka to connect with her own spin-kick. Kay breaks up the pin with Shades of Kay. Lynch asserts herself with a dropkick (which barely made impact) off the turnbuckle. Carmella thrust-kicks Lynch, then absorbs a spear from Charlotte. Flair mounts the top rope and moonsaults to the arena floor onto Kay and Carmella.
– Back in the ring, Royce grabs Asuka for an O’Connor Roll, which the Empress turns into the Asuka Lock. Royce fights the hold, eventually tapping out.
Result: Charlotte Flair, Asuka, and Becky Lynch beat The Iconics and Carmella when Asuka tapped out Peyton Royce with the Asuka Lock.
Grade: B+
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