Don’t even think about buying him socks again, Susan. No, Billy, chocolate isn’t going to cut it this time and besides, you know that Sue has been watching her figure all year. Your gifts are getting boring and predictable. Do you really want yet another Christmas day of poorly masked disappointment? Wouldn’t it be nice to witness some genuine surprise? Yes? Then read on…
1. Adopt A Goat In Their Name
Why not adopt a goat in their name? Who wouldn’t want to have their own little goat friend that they don’t have to clean up after? Or any cute animal, really. Bonus points if they get sent letters, photos or a soft toy.
2. Buy Them A Furby
Possibly more of a cruel prank than a heartfelt sentiment, a Furby is sure to provoke a reaction from your proud 90s kid friend. Although, you do this at your own risk. It may provoke traumatising childhood flashbacks of the creepy voice from inside the locked cupboard demanding to be fed.
3. Be Coordinated
Use Google maps to find the coordinates of a place that holds special memories for you and your partner or best friend and have them engraved into jewellry for you both. It’s special because it’s unique to both of you.
4. Be Crafty
Hama (or Perler) Bead art is a simple yet addictive craft. With one big box of beads, you can make multiple unique and personalised gifts, using patterns found online for inspiration. I have made jewellry, keyrings, beer mats, figurines of The Avengers and so many other items this way.
5. Be The Gift
No, I’m not talking about meditating for hours until your soul finds the answer to your gifting conundrums, I’m saying that if you live far away from a close friend or partner, you could probably just don a massive bow and turn up on their doorstep. Obviously this one requires a little scheming to ensure that they’re in the right place at the right time.
6. Get Trippin’
Depending on your budget, you could plan a fun day out or romantic city break and wrap up the leaflets as a hint. The memories will be infinitely more awesome than a physical gift.
7. Name A Star After Them
Perhaps it’s time to buy your partner that big rock that they’ve always dreamed of recieving. Not an engagement ring, but a big twinkly space rock! Thanks to International Star Registry, you can name a star in honour of your loved one.
8. Yarn Bomb
Wait until they’ve drank themselves unconscious on Christmas Eve and assemble your guerilla knitting squad to ‘yarn bomb’ their stuff. All of it. After all, love is not about convenience and the fashionistas say that winter is all about the chunky knits.
9. Steal A Panda
Pop over to a zoo such as Edinburgh/Toronto/Somewhere in China, tame and saddle up a panda and ride it over to them. I’ve always hoped for such a gift and I’m sure others have too. Note that the taming part is a very important step if you intend on keeping your face in tact.
10. Commandeer A Pirate Ship
Find the most luxurious wooden ship possible, claim it as your own, stock up on rum and whisk your nearest and dearest off to the Caribbean… Look, I said that these gifts would be unexpected, not feasible. Get off my back.
You’re welcome, Billy and Susan. Now put down those Bridget Jones DVDs and shameful Christmas cracker undies and do something memorable for your loved ones this year.
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