Desperados REVIEW – Desperately Unfunny

No, this isn't a remake of the Antonio Banderas movie.

DESPERADOS, 2020DESPERADOS, 2020Desp_D24__150.RAF

Listen, with a title like that, and the fact that it’s a romantic comedy, you know from past experience that it isn’t going to be that great. And it isn’t, that great. But I was entertained…somewhat? I don’t know, the film leaves me teetering on the fence, in the way that you might fall off any moment and get eaten by the mutts that await you below. You know, kind of like The Hunger Games. Let me explain.

Firstly, the premise is far-fetched and one of absolute lunacy. Wesley (Nasim Pedrad), after believing that she has been ghosted by Jared (Robbie Amell), this guy she has been seeing, decides to get very drunk with her girlfriends and send him a ragey email about what a douche he is, as well as illuminate his flaws, like having a pencil dick, with all this mostly communicated charmingly through emojis.

As the trio try to lynch off the neighbour’s WiFi to send the email, Wesley receives a call from Jared, who explains that he went missing for five days because he was in a coma in Mexico. Wow, how convenient. Instead of calling it quits, Wesley decides that she will head over to Mexico and get into one of his devices and delete the email. Firstly, ever heard of passwords? Even if you manage to get said devices, you would still need to unlock them in some way? Somehow she is not deterred by this, and Jared’s laptop doesn’t seem to need a password to access it, so what do I know?

Wesley’s best friends, Brooke (Anna Camp) and Kaylie (Sarah Burns), decide to accompany her because they are the bestest, stupidest friends in the whole world. If my best friend wanted me to accompany her to Mexico for such a cockamamie scheme, I would question my taste in friends. Also, this would never happen, because my best friend is the most sensible person I know.

So the three head over to Mexico, go over to Jared’s hotel, and try to break into his room through various badly conceived plans. None of these schemes work, none of them are particularly funny, especially the running gag where a mother thinks Wesley has a thing for her son (disturbing stuff really). I won’t even go into the dolphin scene, because that is the strangest, most violating thing I ever saw on a screen, and mind you, I watched Cats.

At this point, you might be wondering, how was I even entertained? Well, it was entertaining in the most asinine of ways, and you find yourself continuing to watch the film in spite of yourself, a trainwreck that you can’t seem to unglue your eyes from. The only part of the film that kind of works is the relationship between Wesley and Sean (Lamorne Morris). The two don’t get off to the best start on their blind date, but when Wesley is in Mexico, Sean is coincidentally at the same hotel (because rom-com logic). Somehow, Pedrad and Morris have some believable chemistry, and the essence of their relationship, which is being brave enough to show someone else your true, authentic self, is a decent message.

However, that isn’t enough to salvage the other rotten bits. So hey, only watch it if you’re desperado.

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Verdict
Nasim Pedrad's charms are not enough to save this trainwreck of a rom-com, a movie that had the audacity to try and use a dolphin to traumatise me.
4

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