Speaking Out Against Bullying

Apparently it’s currently anti-bullying month in the UK. No, I didn’t know either. In high school, if you thought you were being bullied, you got to drink a nice cup of juice and were asked if you would like to do your lessons in an isolation block (or inclusion as it was fondly known), the block where the bullies tended to be. I should know as I was bullied throughout high school, and in fact, I was bullied in primary school for a time. Nothing major, I just wasn’t seen as conventionally ‘cool’ which let’s be honest, I’m not.

I’ve never really talked about any of this to anyone, from my parents to my boyfriend, it’s not something I’ve ever been inclined to share as it’s a part of my life that made me feel weak and helpless. Those are characteristics I’ve never wanted associated with my name, but as I’ve gone through college and I’m now in university, it feels like the right time to discuss this on a wider platform than the angsty, anonymous blog in the depths of the internet that I penned as a very deep and emotional fifteen year old.

During year five is when I remember first forming bonds, I made my ‘best friend’ and I also made my ‘sworn enemies’. The first time I remember realizing that I perhaps wasn’t going to fit in with the conventional ‘popular’ clique was during year five. I remember that I was bigger than the other girls, not so much in weight but I was a broad kid, and that I was starting to develop and got my first period during this time. Something that now, isn’t a big deal, but then you’d of thought I’d given birth to the devil in the school playground. It was own clothes day, I was in white pants and got my first period… Obviously. People tormented me about it, but it then seemed to give them permission to torment me about other things too, it was like as soon as they found one thing that made me different it then became totally cool to just torment me for almost any reason. It wasn’t nasty though, I was in a school of 70 odd kids, if one child was bullied it stuck out like a sore thumb and was dealt with. The real nastiness didn’t come until high school.

Throughout the majority of high school I wet the bed, and on rare occasions, myself. It wasn’t something I did voluntarily, it just happened due to a medical condition which involved my bladder not being connected properly and as my doctor and Google kindly pointed out: ‘I’ll grow into it’, which I did. Just not until college. My parents were supportive, they tried to make me as normal as possible but when you constantly piss yourself, it’s going to sometimes show in school, and it did on three separate occasions, but that was enough. The comments I got were comical at times, but always degrading. It got to the point where I wouldn’t make it to second period without someone telling me something lovely about myself that I didn’t already know, like ‘eugh you piss yourself’ or my personal favorite ‘go get a shower’’, but it didn’t stop the name calling and it didn’t stop the petty remarks made about every aspect of my life from the clothes I wore to the way my hair was and as always, my weight.

It used to genuinely upset me, especially the weight comments. I was a size 14, which right now is a size I can only dream about, and on reflection was a totally normal size for a girl going through puberty. It took me to some really dark places, especially given that I was starting to finally wet the bed less and less and just feel better about myself, it’s like they sensed that and just moved on to something else. I went through a time of thinking of all these creative ways to show I was upset and show them they were hurting me and that they needed to stop, but I never did follow through will any of them as I’d seen others go down that route and get ripped to pieces. So, I did something better, I got into college, became president of the biggest Further Education Union in Wales and the youngest female Student Governor and now I’m at a really good university.

I used to really be ashamed of the fact I was bullied throughout high school, I’d just laugh awkwardly in college if it was mentioned in conversation and just resort to ‘meh, I was never bullied’. It was a stock response, something I just instantly went to. It shouldn’t be, and it certainly isn’t the kind of message I want to send to my little brother or in the future, my children.

Bullying comes in all shapes and forms and I perhaps wasn’t as brutally bullied as others, in fact I personally know people who had it worse than me and that maybe fueled me to sit silently throughout school. But, that should never be a factor. Each incident of bullying is important, regardless of how trivial you think it might be.

Bullying is never something you should be complacent about, ever. There’s so much help out there from Childline to Anonymous adult helplines. There’s so many resources, and you don’t have to go through it alone because whoever you are, you’re great and if other people don’t ‘get’ you, fuck ’em, because I guarantee that you’ll get to heights that they can only ever dream of.