The Cigarette Vignettes – Cinema

Josh Blockwell’s The Cigarette Vignettes continue with a trip to the cinema.

 

“Come on! The film’s almost started!” I implore Fiona to stop chatting to the usher, I even offer to buy her popcorn, anything to get her into the theatre. “I completely understand, the management structure in this place is totally backward. You should get double pay on Sundays!”  she exclaims. Jesus, give it a couple of minutes and she’ll be outside on a podium leading a union strike. How did they get onto this topic in the space of two minutes? I put my arms around her and remind her that we have a film to watch. I can already see the teenager at the popcorn stand fashioning a rudimentary placard out of big gulp cups. This place is a powder keg of industrial action.

“What’s gotten into you? The film won’t be starting for another ten minutes!” She exclaims. “I just don’t want to miss the trailers. I’m a guy who likes to watch them. I’m sorry but they’re an integral part of the film.” She laughs and kisses my hand, but she doesn’t realise I’m deadly serious. I may even break out in a cold sweat at this rate.

We settle into our seats and the film begins. All the stress in the lobby has gotten to me, I can’t keep track of the plot at all. I wish I could smoke. I have a sneaking suspicion that Fiona has deliberately picked a bad film this week to get back at me for my choice last week. Its all Mark’s fault. If it wasn’t for his glittering critique, I wouldn’t have chosen to expose myself and Fiona to a two hour documentary about the plight of Welsh miners. Sitting here now, I’m certain this film was picked in an act of revenge. A penchant for passive aggression is certainly something that Fiona and I share, but how was I to know Black As Hell, Thick As Grass would be awful?

To make matters worse I notice a guy lighting up at the front of the theatre. This only irritates me further. Firstly, the place is almost totally deserted, why would anyone voluntarily sit that close to a cinema screen? The last time I had to sit that close I had pains in my neck for the rest of the month. Secondly, surely he could more thoughtful with his smoking? Covering the screen with a thin veneer of Marlboro smoke is just going to hammer home the $2000 fine i’d face if I lit up myself. He probably won’t even get called out for it either. What a prick.

Fiona starts to fall asleep on me. “What are you doing? I thought you wanted to see this?” She looks up at me. “I do, but I had classes all day, I’m totally drained. Should we do this another time?” I can’t actually believe what I’m hearing. I think I may actually crawl into the soundproof projector booth and scream myself to death. “No, its fine, you wanted to see this, just…just try and stay awake, yeah?” I say as she falls into my lap. Maybe I should go and talk to the guy at the front. I’m sure he isn’t tired.

“You could have woken me!” I roll my eyes as we walk up the street. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. “You just looked really peaceful, I wanted to let you rest!” I’m fighting a losing battle here. I light a cigarette and consider lying down in front of the next taxi – it might be less painful than this evening.