It’s hard not to love Alain de Botton; all of his ventures seem so pure and good-willed, whether it’s his line of books seeking to realign our everyday lives with profound philosophical principles, as in “How Proust Can Change Your Life” or “The Consolations of Philosophy”, or his “School of Life Project”, which seeks to teach us things that often get overlooked in the academic curriculum, or his series of Internet videos on any topic from Plato to sexting. It all seems so pure.
However, nothing seems to excite de Botton more than waxing lyrical on the nature of love, or Love. It was the subject of his first book, “Essays In Love”, which sought to unpick and unpack a fairly standard union between two people by using philosophy, witticisms and general analysis as a lens. The result was unforgettable; in being so rigorous about the finer details, de Botton struck to the core of what it felt like to be in love.
And now, over twenty years later, he returns to that topic in “The Course of Love”; self-described as picking up where most love stories end, this book seeks to analyse a marriage between two people, Rabih and Kirsten, whilst simultaneously acting as a riposte to what de Botton singles out as a reliance on romanticism which has ultimately been our undoing. As he puts it, “love is a skill”. It can be learned, honed, and practiced over a lifetime.
It’s a brisk, knowing read that flies by. De Botton writes consistently with skill and grace about the inner machinations of why we do what we do to the ones we love; why we make love, why we fight, why we are what we are. It’s largely determinist stuff; de Botton singles out reasons for almost everything we do, best encapsulated in a passage where Rabih’s aversion to having the bathroom window kept open is equated to his upbringing. And it’s also firmly rooted in the everyday, but given weight; for example, a squabble in IKEA about which set of kitchen glasses to get is not simply a squabble, but the meeting of two people with entirely contrary worldviews.
If it all sounds pretty heavy, then don’t be fooled; this is a breezy book to its core, and de Botton is exceptionally skilled at turning realism into optimism. We are given our lot in life, and we must make do; but this does not stop us from elevating ourselves in small ways, and much is made of the beauty of a thoroughly mundane life. And the detached prose works well, resulting in nary a boring sentence, and much poetic flourish.
This is undeniably a great book. In unpicking what is common in human experience- cohabitation- it is arguable that de Botton has done a service to mankind. He lays bare unavoidable human truths and comes across as some kind of omniscient architect of human feeling; he just knows these things. The book is wonderful to read, funny and entertaining, and then much later, when you least expect it, startlingly profound. Read it for hope; read it because you can love; read it because you’re human. Just read it.
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