We’re in the Fastlane on our Road to WrestleMania, and it’s time for the SmackDown superstars to give us a reason to be excited for the Show of Shows. In the years gone by, Fastlane has been an incredibly dull PPV, with Goldberg’s Universal Title win over Kevin Owens and the end of Charlotte Flair’s PPV winning streak being the only memorable moments of the event’s history.
Looking at the card lined up for this year’s show, it actually looks pretty good on paper. The Usos will relive their greatest rivalry against The New Day, Charlotte Flair has a worthy contender to her title, Bobby Roode will square off against Randy Orton for the first time ever, and Shinsuke Nakamura will go one-on-one with Rusev. The only let-downs seem to be the random as hell women’s tag match, and the main event six-pack challenge for the WWE Championship, which is a mad thing to say given the talent involved.
One other thing that’s niggling in the back of our minds is that the time for shocks and surprises is officially over once Fastlane approaches. We’re too close to WrestleMania to have Vince McMahon swerve us and say, put the WWE Championship on Baron Corbin (not that we really want that to happen). The chairman’s plans are all set in place, and we here at Cultured Vultures believe this will be a very predictable Fastlane PPV. Here’s how we think it will all go down.
Becky Lynch & Naomi Vs. Natalya & Carmella
This match is the ultimate definition of ‘filler.’ Has any fan asked for it? No. Does any fan want to see it? No. Does the storyline hold any intrigue whatsoever? No. Will it last longer than five minutes? I sincerely hope not.
To be completely honest, I don’t even know what the context is surrounding this match. I think someone is upset that Carmella is on Twitter, and Natalya thinks having a cold is what’s stopping Ms. Money in the Bank from winning matches.
Whatever’s going on, Carmella will be the one to pick up the win in this match. As the Money in the Bank contract holder, she needs to look like a danger to the SmackDown Women’s Champion, whoever that may be after Fastlane, but she just ate a loss a few days before the PPV. The laws of wrestling usually mean that any free TV loser becomes a PPV winner so Carmella is our top pick for this horribly thrown-together bout. Whatever happens, I really hope this won’t carry on all the way to WrestleMania.
Prediction: Carmella & Natalya
Shinsuke Nakamura Vs. Rusev (with Aiden English)
The reason for why this match is taking place is beyond silly, but my love for the big “Bulgarian Brute” knows no bounds. In fact, I actually found myself applauding Rusev for challenging Nakamura on SmackDown this week because Rusev standing up for his friend, Aiden English, is so incredibly admirable. No one ruins Aiden English’s vocal chords and gets away with it!
As long as WWE don’t job Rusev out in the space of a minute or two, they have the potential to put on a seriously good match. It goes without saying that their wrestling abilities are top-notch, and they’re both ridiculously over with the crowd.
Still, Nakamura can’t look weak when he has a ticket to challenge for the WWE Title at WrestleMania, and Rusev is frequently booked as a jobber to the stars. With Aiden English at ringside, Rusev will likely try to pick up a win due to an outside distraction, but “The King of Strong Style” will overcome the odds to pick up the victory, kneeing both English and Rusev in the vocal chords along the way.
Prediction: Shinsuke Nakamura
SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match
The Usos (C) vs. The New Day
The storied rivalry between The Usos and The New Day was without a doubt one of the greatest feuds of 2017, and definitely one of the best tag team rivalries in the history of WWE. Just a few months have passed since the end of their epic tale, and we’re already going back to the well. There’s mixed feelings towards this match; we know it will be a fantastic bout, but it feels way too soon for the two teams to face off again.
The Usos have been on fire lately, and their promo about always being on the sidelines during WrestleMania season hit home with everyone who watched it. To take the SmackDown Tag Team Championships from them at this point would be the cruellest thing Vince McMahon could do. Jimmy & Jey deserve to be on the Mania card this year, and they’re determined to bring their titles along for the ride.
What’s more, the feud that’s been slowly building between The Usos and The Bludgeon Brothers will all be for nothing if The New Day win the straps at Fastlane. We know WWE drop their plans like flies, but having Jimmy & Jey face Rowan & Harper with the belts on the line at Mania is a money-match waiting to happen.
Expect The Usos to narrowly pick up the victory at Fastlane. There won’t be any shenanigans involved as neither team needs to cheat to win. Once the final bell has rung though, The Bludgeon Brothers might decide to come down to the ring and wreak havoc, finally claiming their right to challenge for the titles.
Prediction: The Usos
SmackDown Women’s Championship Match
Charlotte Flair (C) vs. Ruby Riott (with liv morgan and sarah logan)
Despite all the six-woman tag matches we’ve seen since the introduction of The Riott Squad, the build towards Flair vs. Riott has been pretty good. Neither woman has looked weak by eating pinfalls. Instead, they’ve found a way to make themselves look dominant by picking up victories over the other women on the SmackDown roster. Going into the championship match at Fastlane, both ladies appear to be capable of leaving with the title.
There’s only one problem with Ruby Riott: she’s obviously a filler opponent. Riott has put on some great matches (mostly on NXT), and can definitely put on a show-stealer of a match with Charlotte Flair, but she’s still very new to the company, and was only put into the title scene to bridge the gap between the Royal Rumble and WrestleMania.
Rumours are circulating that Asuka will switch to the blue brand and challenge for Flair’s championship so that Ronda Rousey can be the dominant competitor on Raw. If these rumours are true, then there’s no way WWE will put the belt on Riott when the opportunity for Flair vs. Asuka at Mania is a viable option.
Either way, Charlotte Flair will be winning at Fastlane whether Asuka goes to SmackDown or not. Sarah Logan & Liv Morgan will interfere to stop Riott from tapping out to the Figure Four. Naomi and Becky Lynch will come down the ramp to clear the Squad from ringside, giving Charlotte time to turn the Figure Four into the Figure Eight for the win. It’d be nice to let the two competitors have a fair one-on-one bout, but that’s just wishful thinking on our part.
Prediction: Charlotte Flair
United States Championship Match
Bobby Roode (C) Vs. Randy Orton
The match set between Bobby Roode and Randy Orton is both the most intriguing and disappointing bout on the card. A clash between these two fantastic superstars is WrestleMania calibre, but it’s being thrown away on a B-show PPV. The fact that WWE are us giving Roode vs. Orton on such a crappy stage means they’re going to ruin it with interference to set up another match with an extra competitor thrown into the mix.
Jinder Mahal has been the third man in the feud for the US Title, but his name isn’t anywhere on the Fastlane card. WWE Storytelling 101 dictates that if there’s another wrestler involved in a storyline but you can’t see him, he’ll show up midway through an important match and have the bout thrown out.
It physically hurts to predict the outcome of this match. Jinder will attack Orton just as “The Viper” is closing in for the kill, and Orton will win by DQ. This leaves the 14-time world champ with a victory over Roode, but “The Glorious One” gets to keep hold of the US Title. Orton will demand a rematch, and he will get a second chance at WrestleMania, but Jinder Mahal will worm his way into the bout, making it a triple threat match at the Show of Shows for the strap.
Jinder Mahal does nothing but take away from the importance of Roode’s rivalry with Orton. A clean victory over Randy would cement the US Champ’s standing in WWE, but for some reason, Vince doesn’t want us to have too many nice things all at once.
Prediction: Randy Orton via DQ
Six-Pack Challenge for the WWE Championship
AJ Styles (C) vs. John Cena vs. Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler
If there’s ever been a worse build-up to a multi-man match for the WWE Championship, then I don’t remember it. Owens and Zayn have come and gone then come back again, Ziggler and Corbin came in from out of nowhere, and then Cena popped up because he can’t face being off the WrestleMania card for the first time in his career (FYI, there’s no one stopping you from entering the Andre the Giant Battle Royal Memorial, Johnny boy). For a main event title match with such massive star power involved, there’s been very little reason to actually give a monkey’s about this one.
One of the biggest reasons interest in this match is at absolute minimal is because it’s been nothing more than a catalyst for the eventual blow-off between Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan. They haven’t seen eye-to-eye in a long time, and in their bid to one up each other, AJ Styles has come across as an afterthought. With Mania right around the corner, the WWE Champ should be at the forefront of everyone’s minds.
The only good thing about his match is that AJ is obviously winning and heading to WrestleMania to face Shinsuke Nakamura. Ziggler and Corbin haven’t been built to look like top contenders, Owens’ and Zayn’s friendship is about to implode, and Big Match John is clearly setting himself up to lose (very commendable of him, I must say).
If the rumours are true, Owens and Zayn are going to face each other at Mania, meaning that now is the best time to pull the trigger. My bet is that Sami will hit his BFF with a Helluva Kick to mimic his victory on this week’s SmackDown, but AJ will strike “The Underdog from the Underground” with a Phenomenal Forearm from nowhere for the win. Sami and Kevin have their feud in place, and AJ leaves with the title. Job done.
Prediction: AJ Styles
The card for Fastlane is very impressive at first glance. It’s just a shame that the event’s place in the WWE calendar makes for a predictable show. At least with this PPV out of the way, we can finally get hyped for WrestleMania.
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