Selected Poems by Joshua Mackle

Drown

My mind wants to talk to me
But I don’t want to speak.
My tongue is nailed down to my throat
My voice is shy and weak.

Sadness comes alive
And dances, tapping on my brain.
Thoughts are bristling with energy,
My pleading is in vain.

I don’t want your happiness,
Take it to a new dimension.
I don’t have the time, the money,
I must call an intervention.

I edge closer to insanity,
And it grabs me by the waist.
Seduces me into a trance,
Holds me in it’s tight embrace.

I will not succumb to you,
I have a secret weapon.
It will numb you to the very core,
It will hit and maim and deaden.

I don’t want you in my life,
I want to stop the pain of living.
I just can’t afford the strain
Of the mentality you’re giving.

I will not let you swim
In the pool that is my soul.
I’m going to let you drown
I don’t need you to feel whole.

I won’t let words tame me
Like an arrow to my heart.
I’ll stare back without worry
And I won’t be torn apart.

I will bury all these memories
And cover them with dirt.
I won’t linger over these tears
And won’t let my hurt…hurt.

I will drink until the room is spinning
And ’till darkness I descend.

We don’t have to start this
If we never let it end.

______________________________________

Invisible

One day, I’ll be more
Than just a part of your imagination.

One day, you’ll see that life
Isn’t just black and white.
The colours will come alive.
Some hide in the shadows.
Some fade.
Some merge together to
Try and make a rainbow.

One day,
I’ll shatter every illusion
That you have about me.
And then you won’t treat me
Like I’m glass.

One day, I’ll take over.
I’ll become as clear as ice.
Not transparent.
Not looked through like a window,
A window you stare through
Every day,
Yet never wonder what goes on
On the other side.
I’m just one-way glass to you,
An empty, hollow room
Engulfed in shallow darkness.

And this day, this one day,
You won’t treat me
Like my soul is hollow.
And one by one, I’ll make you fall
And I’ll shatter each and every one
Of your illusions…
Like…glass.

One day you’ll notice me,
Except it will be too late.
Because someone you love
Might not still be here.

But there’s still time to change.

It only takes one day.

_____________________________________

Split

He sits alone in his room
He’s afraid of the light
I supply the feelings
He provides the spite.

He despises everything
His hair, his face, his skin
He wants to see if painkillers
Do what they say on the tin.

Music is his salvation
The words revive his soul
It’s the only thing about him
That he feels is still whole.

He’s started coming out with me
To nights out and to work
I don’t like introducing him
My friends think he’s berserk.

My parents don’t see him
Even when he’s here
I can’t tell if it’s ignorance
Or plain and simple fear.

I know I shouldn’t hide him
But it’s not like he’s a friend
Just someone I have to live with
Until his life comes to an end.

I don’t want to die
But he’s not keen on living
He takes up all my energy
But I have to keep giving.

He has such dirty thoughts
But I’m trying to stay clean.
I don’t want him to change me
Into something obscene.

He’s addicted to this pain
It reminds him he’s alive
But if it turns to numbness
I’m scared I won’t survive.