If you are fortunate enough to live with a wrestling fanatic, you may have witnessed the love/hate relationship many of us have with pro wrestling. I will happily moan about a certain story being shit, whilst currently buying the next pay per view. My flatmates however have been pretty sheltered from my wrestling Tourettes, that is until one of them foolishly agreed to watch this year’s Royal Rumble, and in doing so enlisted the rest of my flat.
I understand that you may have never seen a wrestling match before, or if like many people past puberty, haven’t seen a match in a good few years, so this is my quick, brief guide to the WWE Royal Rumble 2015. It’ll cover major plots and obviously a drinking game, and if you find that you’ve become converted, I’ll even be doing some predictions and then a follow up after the big event itself (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).
I’m not going to cover the entire roster of wrestlers here as that would be mind numbing for all of us, however, I’ll cover the major matches you’ll be made to watch.
Like so many shows, you will see the good guys and the bad guys (“Faces” and “Heels” if you want to impress your friends). Currently there is one major group of ‘bad guys’ called The Authority and is comprised of HHH, Steph McMahon, Kane, Seth Rollins and The Big Show. These people basically run the show, and this group of people will most probably be sabotaging the Royal Rumble and various other matches. Basically, if they’re in a suit or followed by a group of people, you should probably boo.
The group of ‘good guys’, as it currently stands, are all fired. However, they will either all be reinstated next week or something will happen in the PPV. But on the off chance that that doesn’t happen, be prepared to listen to your wrestling friend weep into their beer about the lack of Dolph Ziggler or Big Red Rowan.
There are only two ‘major’ matches in a rumble: the Royal Rumble itself and the championship match. The Royal Rumble match is basically a match where 30 men enter the ring in succession and the last one to not be thrown over the ropes is the winner and gets a title match at Wrestlemania, simply put. The wrestlers who enter can range from regular wrestlers to ex wrestlers to women and occasionally people dressed up as various animals (don’t ask). This however makes for an excellent drinking game and will be the portion of the night that will be the most fuzzy for the die hard drinking gamers.
The next major match is the Championship match. This match is against Brock Lesnar , John Cena and Seth Rollins. Now, if you don’t at least know who John Cena is, please back away from the computer and seriously evaluate your childhood before reading the rest of this.
Brock Lesnar will be accompanied to the ring by Paul Heyman, his manager. A manager in wrestling basically makes sure their wrestler wins (guys with managers tend to be bad guys).
So there’s a very basic understanding of what you will be watching the end of this month, but don’t worry, below is the drinking game to keep you sane. And if you do suddenly feel the urge to become a wrestling guru, feel free to check out the Royal Rumble predictions and aftermath as they are posted.
ROYAL RUMBLE 2015 – THE DRINKING GAME
Tear up some paper and label the pieces 1 to 30, then place them all in a hat/bowl/mug/whatever. Each person draws a number until there are no numbers left. It may be worth you writing down the wrestler as they come out on your piece of paper to avoid drunken arguments about whether Dean Ambrose was entry number 7 or 17.
ONE SIP OF YOUR DRINK IF YOUR GUY -Gets eliminated -Runs to the ring -Is a racial sterotype -Clearly on drugs (i.e Steroids) -Has abnormal features (really tall, insane hair, a dwarf, etc) -Is wearing a mask -Is bleeding -Enters and gets eliminated before the next wrestler enters the ring
EVERYONE FINISHES THEIR DRINK IF: -A legend comes out (you’ll know due to the obligatory swooning from your wrestling chum(s) ) -A current champion comes out -When the commentators mention how long a wrestler has been in the ring -When the commentators refer to a move as ‘vintage’ or ‘classic’ -Someone interferes with the match who has either been eliminated or not called at all
EVERYONE TAKES A SHOT WHEN: -A female wrestler enters the Rumble -A female wrestler eliminates someone -A female wrestler gets eliminated