Millions of pieces of paper have revealed that corruption and greed are not, in fact, myths.
The shocking truth came after documents were released in the biggest leak since Santa’s naughty and nice list of ’84 was published in the News of the World when Mr. Claus’ phone was hacked.
The leak originated from a country everyone thought was a type of cheese.
Information included in these documents incriminates lots of people everyone believed to be truthful and good-willed.
The accused are alleged to have their money stored in a variety of future-proofed assets such as Barbie Dolls, IKEA book cases, and those toy remote control helicopters that always look like they’re about to kill someone.
A backbench MP who wishes to remain anonymous, said: “I thought politics was full of honest, hard-working people who never did anything wrong.
“The government seems so good at looking after the people, especially the vulnerable minorities, that I assumed they were transparent in how they spent their money, too.
“I’ve not been this shocked since I was told the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real.”
Another anonymous backbencher said: “I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school. I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.”
One of the accused said: “That money was just resting in my account.”
It is unclear if they were providing a defense, or merely referencing Father Ted.
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