New contributor Ken Wainwright delivers his conflicted opinion on Elder Scrolls Online.
I crest the top of the hill I have been trotting towards for nearly half an hour and survey the large battle before me. Excitement at the coming glory of becoming a war hero overwhelms me. I am immediately killed by some invisible force and sent back to the far edge of the PVP game map.
This is about 5% of my Elder Scrolls Online PVP experience. The other 95 being taken up by walking, waiting, being confused, having a long piss whilst on Autorun and wishing I had some real life friends. This may sound awful but I can’t stop playing and enjoying the bugged out fucker.
I have loved the Elder Scrolls games since Daggerfall wrapped me in its daedric chains and kept me from kissing girls back in 1996. I could boast about my level and skills to similar wretched souls and feel like quite the sexy wizard. This went on through Morrowind, Oblivion and Skyrim but now I had a chance to stab real life folk in the face and loot their corpse and dress them in silly clothes in real (sort of) life. It sadly doesn’t work like that.
I have Been Playing Elder Scrolls Online for one month now and have bested around 5 real life foes… mostly because I like to hide in nooks, crags and bushes whilst having a smoke and get lucky backstabbing a passing lower level player.
The game itself looks quite pretty and has most of the Elder Scrolls traits in some level. It has the potential to be amazing and gigantic and keep me from leaving my flat for the rest of the summer. This is all potential mind. Right now it has mainly sucked my bank account dry and caused me to shout “WHY AM I STUCK INSIDE A FUCKING ORC FOR THE SIXTH TIME TODAY!!!”. I don’t often shout things like that so kudos to it for adding a little variety to my life and stopping me from spending my cash on toilet rolls and such.
It sounds like I hate ESO but I really don’t. I adore Elder Scrolls and it is lovely to saunter around (bits of) Tamriel showing off my sweet new Bosmer bone pants and pretty, gleaming helmet to the other players running past me at full speed. I just love Elder Scrolls so much that I can see the flaws in ESO and they stand out so very much In ESO after the near perfection of Skyrim after a few mods were lashed on top. These flaws can be ironed out and one day soon I’m sure I will be turning down invites to the pub and family funerals just to get to the next level in blacksmithing or wood elf sexiness. Not quite yet though.
Some of the coverage you find on Cultured Vultures contains affiliate links, which provide us with small commissions based on purchases made from visiting our site. We cover gaming news, movie reviews, wrestling and much more.
