What Nicki Minaj Being #1 Says About the UK Music Scene

Note: This article was written last Thursday and since then Meghan Trainor has retained the #1 spot. My opinions in this article, however, remain unrattled.

I don’t know how many of you follow the UK Top 40, or the mainstream music scene in general. Personally, I don’t really pay a great deal of attention to it these days. Sure, I know who’s around, who’s ‘hot’ and who has about as much relevance as a salad at McDonald’s, but considering I pretty much used to know the Top 40 off by heart about ten years ago, in comparison I’m quite indifferent to it. However, thanks largely to Digital Spy, I always know who is #1 on the charts every Sunday. And it has recently come to my attention that Nicki Minaj is currently on board to take the #1 spot this coming Sunday with her new single, ‘Anaconda‘.

Quite honestly, this makes want to slam my head into a brick wall until there is nothing left but brain and blood.

If you haven’t heard ‘Anaconda’, then I consider you a very lucky person indeed. It pains me somewhat to have to do this, but here it is for your listening…errr, whatever the opposite of pleasure could be described as…turmoil, anguish, despair…

I’m not even referring to the video here, though I may briefly combat that later on. The song itself is complete and utter dirge – you’ll notice that it’s simply a re-jigging of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s ‘Baby Got Back‘, which isn’t exactly what you’d call a classic, but at least has some degree of comedy to excuse the fact that it’s – and let’s be real here – a terrible song. ‘Anaconda’ doesn’t have that privilege, mainly because Nicki’s rap doesn’t make sense and has absolutely no logic behind it. The entire song is built around the sample.

There are many arguments that are being brought up in Nicki’s defence. ‘It’s a FUN song, it’s supposed to be FUN, lighten up, it’s all FUN!’ is one such argument. Now, there have been some great #1 hits this year, some really, truly fun hits. ‘Rather Be‘ by Clean Bandit is one. ‘Hideaway‘ by Kiesza is another. None of those two songs relied on a sample from a novelty 90’s hit. None of those two songs featured the word ‘motherfucker’ once. None of those songs contained a nonsensical rap without any form of direction or point. You see where I’m going here? ‘Rather Be‘ and ‘Hideaway‘ were genuinely credible songs with a catchy earworm hook and an actual message. The message in ‘Anaconda‘ still remains to actually be seen.

On that note, many have defended Nicki’s excessive use of profanities in the song, not to mention her sexually provocative performance. Some have heralded Nicki as a feminist, as a figurehead for woman who celebrate their sexuality, as someone who doesn’t care about the rules set for women. By and large, I have a problem with this. I’m not saying that every single woman who steps into the fame game has to be a role model for people, whether it’s 14-year-old girls or confused gay men in their twenties. However, when people start spouting the ‘feminist’ angle to shield someone from criticism, deserved or otherwise, that gets my back up.

To try and explain this as best I can, I’m a fan of a singer called Imogen Heap. Recently, she released a video for her song ‘Entanglement‘, an ode to her boyfriend in which she is shown having sexual intercourse with. In the video, she is shown in various stages of undress and in different forms of sexual contact. But here’s the thing: not once does it cross the line into ‘vulgar’ territory. Why? Because of the way it’s done. Yes, there is a lot of bare skin and a lot of intimate moments, but it’s done extremely tastefully and without a hint it being forced. In comparison, Nicki’s aggressive ‘twerking’, crotch thrusting and consequential lap dance for Drake in ‘Anaconda‘ looks somewhat embarrassingly overt.

Now, I’m not at all suggesting that Nicki shouldn’t allowed to do this; she is a free person, she is an independent woman and she can do whatever she pleases with her body and with whomever she chooses. But for people to try and pass this off as some sort of empowerment theory, or as poster for feminism and liberalisation, is at best, misguided, and at worst, utterly hysterical. It’s nothing but exploitation, an opportunity for her to grab headlines in order to get recognition for her music. In my humble opinion, if your music is good enough, you shouldn’t need this sort of mass hysteria.

And while I’m on the subject of profanities and inappropriateness, may I direct you to the lyrics toward the end of the song:

Yeah, he love this fat ass
Yeah! This one is for my bitches with a fat ass in the fucking club
I said, “Where my fat ass big bitches in the club?”
Fuck those skinny bitches,
Fuck those skinny bitches in the club
I wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the motherfucking club, fuck you if you skinny bitches. What? Yeah!

Now, if you would, reverse this. Imagine if, say, Madonna were singing. Imagine if she said someone along the lines of ‘Fuck those hippos in the club, I wanna see all my skinny ass bitches in the club!’ What kind of uproar would that generate from people? I have spoken in the past about my view on the battle between fat and thin women and how it’s acceptable to call a woman ‘skinny’ but not ‘fat’. This, my friends, sums up my point perfectly. It’s seen as empowerment when a women makes a reference to how much she’s packing in her arse and degrading skinny women. The worst thing is is that the current UK #1, ‘All About That Bass‘, by Meghan Trainor, whom Minaj is battling for the top spot, also tackles the subject that is ever so popular at the moment, which is ‘I am a large figured woman and I am proud, and skinny women are disgusting’. Nothing like double standards, is there?

This has turned into a bit of an uninitiated rant, which wasn’t entirely my intention. I will end on this note: I’ve never liked Nicki Minaj. I’ve never understood her appeal and have never comprehended why is so well liked, particularly in the gay community, and especially when there are so many other talented women who actually deserve success. This has confirmed my antipathy. But worst of all, it makes me question music buyers who actually think that this sort of music, that I wouldn’t even class as suitable trash for nuclear waste, is an acceptable representation of a UK #1 single.

Nicki Minaj, you are an abomination to music. And anyone who spent money on this? Hang your head.