Bloodstock Festival: The Newbie’s Guide

Bloodstock Festival

We’ve had some spectacularly revolting weather of late, weather perfect for some Sabbath poses in the wind and rain, but not for going out and having fun. Luckily, festival season will be on us before we know it, so it’s time to make some plans! 

Will 2016 be your first Bloodstock experience? Festivals can be daunting, but you needn’t worry. Bloodstock is renowned as one of the friendliest festivals in the world, and there’s always festival-goers and amazing staff to help you out if you need a hand or are a bit overwhelmed. Here’s a guide to help you make the most of this wicked weekend! 

What to Bring/Leave at Home 

Bloodstock festival

Whilst it’s not as notorious as the trek from the car park at Download, the walk from the car park to the entrance is horrendous when you’re carrying a lot, so DON’T bring more than you need.  

DO bring a chair
This year, I’ll be following my own advice. Yes, chairs are available on site. Yes, the chairs are reasonably priced, but they WILL fall apart, and probably within an hour of buying them if experience is anything to go by. Unless you want to be contorted into a gnarled steel frame, being garrotted by raggedy canvas every time you need a sit down, bite the bullet and buy beforehand.

DON’T bring valuables
Whilst Bloodstock is a lovely environment, every year career criminals turn up to enjoy the technical buffet laid on by people who insisted on bringing their laptop (yes, this does happen) or SLR camera for candid shots.

A crappy mobile phone is recommended (the immortal Nokia 3310 is a good shout) to avoid any tears over it going AWOL, but make sure you take a WRITTEN list of numbers in case you lose that as well.

DO bring a range of clothing
The last few years at Bloodstock have been gloriously, but the trauma of 2010 hasn’t been forgotten by many of us who nearly drowned in that torrential rain. Generally, the nights are bitterly cold, too. You need boots (waterproof and comfortable boots) and a jacket. Whilst you’ll be hard-pressed to find a band t-shirt that ISN’T BLACK, opting for lighter colours will keep cooler during the day.

Think light layers – you can add and take away light garments as needed to avoid sweating bullets or freezing your horns off. 

DON’T bring perishable food
Many people swear by this but most people are too pumped up to sit and eat a load of fresh food on the first day, and it will spoil in the tent. Take loads of snacks (dried fruit and jerky are great for energy, vitamins and minerals), but tins will suffice when you need to refuel.  

DO bring toiletries
Some metalheads report finding the grime and earthiness of the camping almost enjoyable, but with a hangover and blistering temperatures, no-one wants to be buried in your armpit as you fist pump through your favourite band, you mucky pup. Sleeping in a tent can be a sweaty and muddy affair. Brushing your teeth and having a wash is a refreshing way to start the day off, and y’know . . . keep your friends closer than thirty feet.  

DON’T bring glass bottles 
Searches are conducted at the gate, and your precious brew will be confiscated! Decant any booze in a glass bottle into a plastic one, and then seal it up with duct tape. For hardened drinkers, the only alternative is chugging a bottle of Jägermeister in the queue . . . which we don’t recommend. 

DO bring baby wipes
Simply put, they can wipe away any number of sins.

If you’re a smoker, DO bring enough lighters and cigarettes to take down Parliament
Most people find themselves smoking way more than usual, cigarettes are outrageously expensive (and often in short supply) and offering someone a light is a great way to make friends. Attach a lighter to a keyring or lanyard, or consider it gone by the end of the first night. 

What to Do

Bloodstock festival
From experience, the most important thing to promise yourself to do is to take it easy. Even if the stars align and you could see every possible band you’d like to –DON’T exhaust yourself trying. DO know your limits; pick the top bands you want to catch each day and commit to seeing them. Consider anything else a bonus! Besides, relaxing with friends between bands at the campsite are some of the best times. 

If you’re a small group going for the first time, or you’re a lone pilgrim facing a festival on your tod, DO join the Facebook group designed to arrange the Bloodstock Loners and Newbies camp site. Don’t worry about it saying 2014 – it’s arranged every year. These people are a lovely bunch, and many of them opt to all camp together now because they get on so well. It’s a welcoming and safe environment – you’ll have some help pitching your tent and will have a blast!  

DO stay hydrated. I had a revolting hangover on the Friday last year, and it really takes the shine off. Booze and sun exposure can be a dangerous combo. My golden rule is DO make every third drink a bottle of water – you keep a nice buzz but don’t go under. 

DO discover some new music. Last year, I saw Villainy, a blackened thrash/crust band hailing from the Netherlands. I’d never heard of them, but I happened to be stumbling past the Sophie Lancaster tent when I caught a sweet riff. It blew my (non-existent) balls off. I can’t get enough of them now, and I happened on them by pure chance. Do some research to see what might be your bag, but keep an open mind.  

DON’T allow your skin to burn! Don’t be fooled by overcast skies and milder temperatures; you’ll get a lot of sun exposure if you’re outside all day. You’re risking sunstroke if you don’t wear a hat and wear sun cream, and your tent will be like a greenhouse if you’re thinking you can sleep it off. Urgh. 

DO discover the majesty of Clashfinder. In week or so leading to the festival, head to clashfinder.com and print off at least four copies because at least two will end up beer-soaked or lost. Starting each day off forging a rough plan with camp mates is a great way to make the most of the weekend.  

DO arrange a meeting point! Every year my group of friends meet by the dodgems after a band so we don’t waste valuable drinking time trying to find everyone.  Like me, are your friends hairy folk mostly clad in black t-shirts and camo shorts? If yes, pick somewhere distinctive, lest you end up walking around looking for them like this.

Don’t Miss :

  • Meeting your neighbours! I really cannot overstate this. Having some acquaintances close by means that any likelihood of camp sabotage from external invaders is massively reduced. Plus, what’s more enjoyable than getting to know people from all over metaldom?
  • Having a go on the dodgems. Watching a load of metalheads zoom around in tiny, neon-illuminated vessels with their knees bent up around their ears is hilarious, and it’s a great way to break up a day traipsing around in the sun.
  • A night in the Sophie Lancaster tent. This is where the party happens, and it’s great fun to have a headbang to metal favourites, but if I hear “The Book of Heavy Metal” ONE more time . . . !
  • Bin jousting! You might end up with a broken arm, you might end up the leader of men. To determine this, you must head to Midgard campsite, mount an industrial bin and remain standing when your opponent bashes into you at high velocity.
  • Getting lunch from the Hall’s Dorset Smokery. Every year, the highlight of my weekend (only half joking) is my smoked salmon, garlic mayo and salad wrap. The food is Thor-worthy, and their fresh ingredients are a great pick-me-up!

It really is a fantastic experience, and one I cannot recommend enough. The bands are brilliant, and the crowds are even better. You’re guaranteed to make some friends for life, and probably end up embarrassing yourself by wearing a Borat mankini and shaving your legs. Enjoy!

MORE MUSIC

Some of the coverage you find on Cultured Vultures contains affiliate links, which provide us with small commissions based on purchases made from visiting our site. We cover gaming news, movie reviews, wrestling and much more.