Why We Need to Talk About the V Word

I have been thinking a lot lately about something very special. It is, in fact, that wonderful, amazing, slightly intimidating thing between my legs.

Yes, yes, it’s one of those sex positive articles from me again. I have a tendency to get up on my soapbox and shout ‘orgasms for all’ at the top of my lungs. I do think we, as a society, are getting so much better at talking about sex and sexual issues. Case in point, the waiting time at Dean Street Express* actually saw one of my friends be turned away.

*Dean Street Express… I could write a whole article on how amazing this place is. You can do STI tests there (and if you’re sexually active, you should be doing this frequently) and it’s all cool and sci fi -ish, check it out.

There’s one thing that still remains a mystery to a lot of us though and that is the vagina. From simple things to the comparatively low number of women who orgasm to female ejaculation being banned as it’s “urine”. There was even a viral article recently of an image of period blood being blocked on Instagram, although boobs are often left untouched. The vagina is almost a being unto itself. Trust me, I have one to know. It smells like one thing one day and completely different another day and not one of those smells does anything to make me feel less self-conscious about it. We don’t even talk about vaginas enough to remind each other that it’s all perfectly natural and that our vaginas are ok as they are.

It hadn’t occurred to me just how difficult talking it is talking about vaginas until I, aka she-who-likes-to-pretend-she-is-all-sexually-powerful-and-wise, was among a group of sexually liberal friends discussing various sexual topics. I came to a point where I needed to find a word for ‘vagina’ and immediately I had one of those moments. My heart stilled. My mouth dried up. I had no idea what to call… it.  I wanted a word that didn’t make me sound afraid to talk about vaginas, but one that wasn’t derogative or childish. So I went for my favourite, totally-won’t-make-things-awkward option. Vajayjay.

Yes. I know. I know.

In all fairness it just made people laugh but it raises a valid point. What good names are there for your down there bits? Vagina sounds so clinical and if we’re going to be all scientific, there’s much more down there than just my vagina. Then there’s cunt, twat, pussy… except we use those as insults. I don’t really want to associate my genitals with unpleasantness – a history of misogyny has done enough of that, thank you very much. Heck, even my three favourite terms I have issues with. “Vajayjay” sounds like something from an MTV Twitter update: “OMG LOL, CHECK OUT WHAT RHI RHI HAS DONE TO HER VAY JAY JAY!”

“Foof” sounds like something your great Auntie Maureen would call her puppy dog and “Lady Garden” sounds just a bit…well, bushy. So without decent terminology, how are we ever supposed to start? The thing is, we should be talking about this. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about our lady bits and we definitely shouldn’t be afraid to be proud of our lady bits.

Because the media, because popular culture will tell us 101 reasons why we should be ashamed. They will tell us we shouldn’t have hair. Or we should have hair, but it should be this shape. We should be ashamed of our periods because they’re disgusting. We should definitely do everything we can to hide the fact that we have them. I’m not saying we should walk around waving used tampons and shouting “bask mere mortals in my menstrual blood!” but I’m not ashamed I have periods. I have them because one day, should I want to, I might contribute to the human race by producing offspring. That’s not disgusting at all.