Hey, Kieran! How are you? What was the last thing you ate and what would you rate it out of ten? The last thing I ate was a burger from Five Guys – usually a place I’m pretty fond of, but it was honestly below par. The onions were fairly dry and the bun itself became pretty soggy from grease or oil or whatever other liquids were back there. Out of ten, I’d have to be real meta and say 5/10. Because I think I’m clever.
What’s your favourite video game? If we’re talking of all time, it might have to go to something classic like Banjo-Kazooie. I must have played that for days on end when I was younger; collecting things just felt so right. A relatively contemporary title would have to be either The Phantom Pain or Bloodborne, though probably the latter as it actually had some semblance of a narrative. Fucking Konami, man.
What drew you to CV? Honestly, it just seemed to foster a community of people who weren’t constrained by restrictions or deadlines. Of course it never helps to submit things late or lack any sense of punctuality, but the freedom to write about whatever you want, whenever you fancy, is just something I found alluring. Couple that with the vast variety of topics people cover and you’ve got a site which caters to anybody who’s ever had an interest in their life. Personally, all the wrestling stuff goes straight over my head, but Jimmy seems to get a kick out of grown, semi-naked men tussling with each other, so good on him.
Where else can we find you? Down the nearest Wetherspoons. A-ha. But in all seriousness: not a whole heap of places right now. I used to run my own movie/entertainment blog, but it’s been dead since last May. Currently I’m happy just writing for Cultured Vultures and cracking on with my Uni degree, but who knows where I’ll be in a few year’s time; I’ve been dabbling with screenwriting more and more lately, so perhaps I’ll eventually pen something that know-it-all internet critics like myself can tear apart.
Who would win in a fight: a kangaroo with one punching hand or a crocodile missing half of its teeth? How is this even a question? The kangaroo every time. First of all: kangaroos notoriously kick the shit out of their opponents as opposed to punch them. Second, what if the crocodile is missing its entire top row of teeth? Then it’s just half-gumming a kangaroo’s foot that’s been squarely lodged down its throat. Usually people say things like, “I’d pay to see that fight,” but this just seems sad. It would be like watching a kickboxer fight an elderly man who’s lost his dentures.