Let’s Talk About the “S” Word.

Not sex, the one I want to talk about today is slut.

The origin of the word appears to have derived from slattern, a 17th century term for an untidy, unkept woman. As the term evolved, it became slut an untidy, unkept woman OR a woman who enjoys many casual sexual encounters. Nowadays the latter definition appears to have stuck and may be sex* neutral. Even looking at the history, it is frustrating that it is a term just directed towards women… I mean hello, how many women did Henry VIII burn through?! And he had no end of health problems!

* sex as in gender. I use the term sex as they are two different concepts…but more on that at another point.

So let’s look at that definition… A person who enjoys many casual sexual encounters.

I just want you all to think for a second about what it is about that concept that transpires as an insult.

Done?

Well class, can you think of anything? I surely cannot.

There seems to be a stigma that for someone to enjoy casual sex, they must in some way have very casual morals. The issue with this is, it makes sex a degrading concept, something we shouldn’t be talking about. I have a huge issue with this. Firstly, because not talking about sex is dangerous. It can lead, perhaps more obviously, to accidental pregnancy or STIs… but what about the less tangible things? How do we teach our loved ones what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour if we are afraid  to talk about sex in the first place? Imagine being forced into something you weren’t comfortable with because you didn’t realise you could say no. Besides, if we don’t have this dialogue with men (women of course can be guilty of this too but I’m using the popular example here) how do we discuss appropriate, non threatening behaviour towards the opposite sex? I’m not saying that men are born rapists and  we need to teach them not to rape, but we do live in a world where lad culture exists and having the conversation is important.

Secondly, to suggest that people who have casual sex also have casual morals can be highly inaccurate. Frankly, what goes on between two consenting adults is their business. Now of course our actions don’t exist in a vacuum and they do have consequences and part of being a grown up is understanding this and behaving with sensitivity. However, a enjoyment of sex doesn’t automatically mean an inability to consider the feelings of others. In fact, the best lovers are the ones who are mostly likely to consider others. Being promiscuous may often come with a need to be open minded, particularly in certain communities, and people with that openness tend to have a greater ability to understand, rationalise and empathise with emotions.

Of course, there is always the fear that if someone is promiscuous they will be riddled with STIs. This may well have been true in the past, but we live in a wonderful world today where there are so more options for safer sex and a better understanding of issues. Stigmatising promiscuous sex is a very quick way to create a culture where sex is practised outside of the realms of safety. In fact, being able to have an open dialogue with prospective partners about sexual history is not only a means to safety but also a way to have even better, more fulfilling sex.

Talking of, and possibly my biggest gripe with slut as an insult, has anyone ever realised that being a person who has a lot of sex can very well mean that they are having a rather enjoyable and fulfilling time and that this actually kind of a good thing? As with all good things, it needs to be within the realm of safety but why is it that we are allowed to use Slut as an insult, someone to look down upon, but as a society we’re ok with people getting royally drunk every Friday night. Something that is not only incredibly unhealthy for the drinker but also is a lot harder to do within the realms of safety and with contained consequences. It seems our priorities are rather backwards here. Of course, we should look down on the malicious and intentionally harmful behaviour exhibited by some people but this just doesn’t work under the term slut.

So next time you go out of your way to call someone a slut in a derogatory manner, maybe stop and think exactly what it is that you are calling them.