How To: Be Less of a Dickhead Gamer

Gaming is a growing culture that has gone from the cult to the mainstream within our lifetime. It is certainly unusual for a young man or adolescent to have no games console of any persuasion, (but it does happen (though usually when the light of death appears)). In spite of this there are unwritten rules within the gaming fraternity, that should remain unspoken.

HOWEVER, there are too many people who have a blatant disregard for any well established gaming etiquette –  so I, unfortunately – have to break the first two rules of the club.

It’s always nice to meet your polar opposites online, from the (I can’t believe that I, as a word-snob, am going to write this) noobs who have yet to hone the skills of the game you are playing making for some easy experience, all the way to the people that take the hobby so seriously that they insist on critiquing your performance midgame, which inevitably will degenerate into the ‘that’s what your mum said last night’ pettiness before somebody takes the very, very low moral high-ground.

But the biggest issue I would like to raise with any online gamers out there, is not the way you react to each other, but the way you react to a specific type of gamer. The girl gamer. It might come as a bit of a shock to you, but girls can be as geeky as guys, without doing it to get laid. The question, therefore, is why do so many men not know this? I really hate to say it brothers, but we geeks have been pinned down by the internet-equalitists at BuzzFeed.

Next, when it comes to naming your account, regardless whether you’re on the Playstation Network, or Xbox Live, or anything else, there are some things I implore you to avoid. The first is simpleL please don’t pick a name that revolves around a specific game, unless you’re willing to live with it. Calling yourself SKYRIMISTHEBEST might seem like a good idea, but it never will be. It will be one of those things, like an off-the-wall tattoo, that you will grow to regret, and will soon enough give up trying to explain it to people, instead just agreeing with them about its ridiculousness.

The second, and definitely the most irritating, is the stoner tag. I_AM_B4KED springs instantly to mind, as a gamer I came up against recently whilst playing Titanfall. The thing I think needs to be said about this sort of name, is that although most people of my generation will at least have tried a spliff or two, such a declaration is both immature, pathetic, and carries a childish pang of ‘look at me I’m so badass lol’ about it. If you choose to do anything with your life, that is up to you. Just try to be a mature and well rounded person, rather than sounding like a six year old shouting a swearword in the playground.

My final gripe is simple. Don’t be that guy. I can’t speak for them all, but I have noticed that on the Xbox One network, people who leave their Kinect on seem to forget that the rest of the lobby can hear them. Their outbursts vary from the frustrated fuck you’s, to the godawful, distorted, tinny, and broken up music, or even the parental conversations. Now I’m sorry Johnny, I know you have chores to be getting on with, but I really don’t want to listen to your mother’s complaints at your inability to leave the console mid game. I do the same thing, I just don’t share my stubborn-minded laziness with the rest of the world… until just now, at least.