No, this is not a satirical article, as much as you probably think it’s clickbait. It’s a genuine question. You’re probably thinking it’s an absolutely ridiculous one, and indeed, I have deliberated whether to actually publish this, and while I was writing, I was thinking, ‘Is this really necessary to take on?’ But I ask the question because it’s a relevant one.
I have seen it, and heard it, and not from fresh-out-of-the-closet 18 year olds who are new to the gay scene, but from fully grown men. Maybe that says a lot about the company I keep, I don’t know.
It’s an age old legend that gay men and lesbians really do not get on. But where does this actually stem from? It’s not like we’re in competition for suitable mates. We’ve both probably gone through hardships, particularly in school, where growing up different is pretty much a death sentence at far as social interaction is concerned. But if you look at the places where we hang out, it’s all separate. I mean, yeah, there are gay bars, but when they say ‘gay’, they don’t mean a place for gay women. They mean for gay men. Lesbian bars are a different kettle of fish, terrible pun 100% indeed.
But when did this divide happen, and why? It’s hard to say.
Back in the 80’s, the gay movement was well and truly in force. Anyone who knows their gay history well enough will remember the historic and brave ACT UP, a New York activist group who formed together to battle the stigma of AIDS and demand treatment and respect for those in need. In those days, everyone had a common ground and the same goal – justice and equality. Gay men and women were united for the same cause, battling a war against the powers-that-be who were the ignoring the horror of the AIDS epidemic. It was us versus them, the gays versus the homophobes, and it would seem that this long and terrible war would bind us forever. But now, it’s just not the case.
So could this really be the problem? We’re equal now – we’re not, not even nearly, but we’ll run with it – so there’s no real need to be united for something that there isn’t a need to be fought for?
Perhaps it’s linked to heterosexuals. Men and women are often involved in conflict, whether it’s a cause for respect, differing opinions on certain subjects, sexual charge, or even the fact that women just don’t turn up on some men’s radar – because gay men can discriminate too, y’know, it’s not just hetrosexuals who are against the feminist movement. Lesbian activist Ann Northrop even suggests that it’s easier for gay men and lesbians to get on that it is for heterosexual men and women. ‘Gay men and lesbians lack the sexual imperative,’ she has said. ‘So they can separate more easily and come together with less tension.’
I’m not saying that every gay man and every gay woman have natural antipathy for one another. Men and women can be friends without secretly being opposing warriors. But the unity that was once so powerful between us is all but gone. And I reckon it’s time to talk about it. Preferably in the same bar.
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