In their eternal quest to scrape every last splinter from the bottom of the barrel, Sony Pictures has decided to produce a movie about emojis.
Forgetting that it cost them a seven-figure sum to acquire the rights to a bunch of little pictures, it’s just the next step in the chronicled history of Hollywood adapting fucking everything because why not. But why emojis? Why not another facet of modern life, like travelling the tube and accidentally making physical contact with the person sat next to you? That would make a great horror film.
Here are a few other film adaptations I would like to see based on everyday bullshit:
The Terrible Tale of the Last Step on the Escalator
That Weird Shit Cats Get in their Eyes Sometimes
The Lint Diaries
The Hidden Lives of Thumbtacks
He’s Just Not That Into Twilight
Autocorrect
Final Forgetting Your Bus Destination 5
The Likes of Others
What IS That Watery Stuff You Get on the Top of Yoghurt?
Extremely Loud and Incredibly on Fleek
The Curious Case of that Spare Shirt Button You Have No Idea What to Do with, I Mean, Do I LOOK Like A Fucking Tailor?
Emoji the movie will be directed by the guy that did Kung Fu Panda. I am shutting my internet off now. Bye.
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