I’ve met a lot of women that date douchebags. Why do they stay with them? I have no idea. Perhaps they do not know that they are dating douchebags. Perhaps the men do not realize that they are themselves douchebags. I hope that this article will help women identify douchebags and avoid them. I also hope that it will help douchebags become self-aware and make serious life changes or just skydive without a parachute.
Be careful. Douchebags are running rampant in every sports bar, college town, and white suburban neighborhood. Avoid them at all costs. Or rabbit punch them in the neck. If you feel any burgeoing desire to become a douchebag, however, merely follow these 5 steps:
1. Look the Part, Be the Part
If you are going to be a douche, you need to be identified right away. Wear trendy brand name shirts like Tap Out, Affliction, or Ed Hardy. Actually just never wear collared shirts; professionalism and looking clean is for nerds. Also never trim your facial hair and have a cheap haircut, preferably in a style that resembles a troll-doll or anything else that hasn’t been fashionable for over ten years. Massive amounts of hair gel is optional.
For extra points, wear a snapback hat. Don’t brush your teeth too often either. Don’t forget to get a tribal tattoo sleeve down AT LEAST down one arm, that way people can clearly identify you as not only having never travelled, but following trends without blinking, either.
2. Act the Part
Looks are half the battle. In order to be a douche, you have to be an alpha male. Constantly make fun of your friends and be vengeful if they retort. Go to the gym and tan as often as you can or do the opposite by doing nothing but eating, getting high, and playing video games. Remove common courtesies from your actions; remove please and thank you from your vocabulary and replace it with the abbreviation “bro”. Walk down a corridor in the middle so no-one will be able to get past and then complain when people bump into you. Just be a complete dick to everyone you meet. Start a lot of fights.
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