WWE Smackdown Live Recap: The Return Of Naomi

‘Tis the Smackdown before Wrestlemania, and time for all the stars to align before The Ultimate Thrill Ride. Right?

Smackdown GM Daniel Bryan kicked things off to host the contract signing between Shane McMahon and AJ Styles. They take their seats. Shane starts by saying AJ Styles is one of the greatest of all time, but his ego and arrogance cost him the WWE Championship. Shane promises to bring out the best in AJ. Really? I mean, surely that’s the other way around. Shane signs the contract.

This is just a normal one-on-one match, AJ reminds Shane, and sadly the WWE Universe. No advantages for Shane here. This is AJ’s world. Styles will prove just how phenomenal he is. AJ signs as well, and Bryan prevents any physicality here.

Styles refuses to shake hands and walks away. Probably for the best that nothing broke down here, as they already gave away the big McMahon table spot last week. I’m still uncertain what to make of this match, but I’m hoping AJ will carry Shane to something halfway decent.

Becky Lynch and Carmella have our first match of the night, but Alexa Bliss and Mickie James, who were both on commentary, start fighting and bring it in the ring, causing a no-contest. The last few weeks have been selling this idea of everyone fighting for the Women’s Championship, but at the cost of actual wrestling, which really harms any interest you should have for it,

After the break, we return to see a tag team match is in progress, which was very sloppy booking here. Bliss and Carmella against Lynch and James. Teddy Long would be furious.
Carmella and Bliss eventually pick up the win, in a match you should not waste your time on.

Post match, Naomi makes her return and cleans house. She’s back for the Mania match and states they will feel the glow, and dances a bit. Good to see Naomi back. One of the few exciting performers on the Smackdown women’s roster. Just a shame the match has been dumped to the pre-show, which does nothing to help anyone care about it.

The first hour of Smackdown has been dedicated to a contract signing and a pre-show match. That’s how we build to Mania people.

Backstage Tyler Bella tries to get in on the SD Women’s Championship, but is refuses by Daniel Bryan. As compromise, he allows Breeze and Fandango in to a different pre-show match: The Andre the Giant Battle Royal. They gladly accept the PPV paycheck.

Next up, we get the finale of the Total Bellas Bullshit. Robo-Cena, Maryse-Bella and ‘Brie’ and ‘Daniel Bryan’ are all having dinner, despite Cena’s strict dining rules.
Nikki eventually proposes to Cena.

After a commercial break, we get the hotly anticipated answer. Robo-Cena says… No. Marriage will ruin his brand. His hustle, loyalty and respect are only to himself. Miz and Maryse shed their Cena/Bella clothing, and address the camera – The Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards are the closest Nikki will come to having children, and Cena’s life is nothing but bullshit. No punches pulled here.

Back in the ring, Miz and Maryse are super pleased with themselves. Cena and Bella make their way out, looking just as happy. Sticks and stones, I guess.

Cena has been enjoying the humour.

But then, what happens next is nothing short of pure character assassination, as John rips Miz and Maryse apart like a savage for nearly 10 minutes. Just fire everywhere. More than Kane has used to set people on fire in the past, and more than the entire pyrotechnics department of WWE.

He says Maryse has never done anything, and looking for her ‘best of’ on the Network has 0 results, and that she only came back to steal a paycheck and so Miz could be on Total Divas. He calls BS on Miz for criticising Cena making films, when he’s done exactly the same thing, except his movies are bootlegs of Cenas.

He reminds them that they have no kids either, and that Miz might be shooting blanks. Christ, man. Not the groin. 10 years in WWE, and Miz is nothing but a pussy. He calls them the ‘Shhh – IT couple’ and dares them to take a shot, but Miz and Maryse back out the ring.

Holy fuck. They just tore each other to pieces here. No holds barred. Based on promo work alone, Miz and Cena have been killing it, and for my money, have built the most intensity and hype going in to Wrestlemania.

Fire emoji x 10.

Following that is a 10-Man tag team match made up of Smackdown’s Andre the Giant Battle Royal participants.

Slater, Rhyno, Mojo Rawley (fuck Mojo) and American Alpha vs Ziggler, Breeze, Fandango and The Usos.

So, wait a minute, hold on. If The Usos are in this match, does that mean the WWE Smackdown Tag Titles are not being defending at Wrestlemania? Fucking hell. Enzo Amore gets a Mania moment, and the SD tag division gets fed to Braun Strowman.

This ended up being a fun match, and the crowd were in to it. The end stretch was good, except for the part where Mojo Rawley got the win for his team. I hate Mojo Rawley. His tan looks dog shit, and that’s coming from a pale ginger loser like me.

Luke Harper vs Bray Wyatt is our main event. You can tell Harper is a babyface now, because he has clean clothes on and has tied his hair back. He cares about his hygiene and appearance now.

This was a battle of black vests, and was by and large a good match, until the finish. Wyatt gave Harper a spooky stare, stopping him in his tracks. I guess Wyatt still has some control over Harper. Wyatt capitalised with a Sister Abigail to pick up the win.

A shame this couldn’t have been saved till after Mania, since if Wyatt loses to Orton (as many fear he might) then this would have made a fine post-Mania feud for him.

After the match, Orton appears on the big screen. He has that weird table tennis paddle thing with the big red X on it, because mystic object in wrestling need no explanation apparently. Sir Python of the Fire Realm has clearly been watching too much Supernatural, and he drives it in to Sister Abigail’s resting place, and some Adobe Premier effects spark and wriggle about.

Undertakers probably watching this promo and rolling his eyes.

All in all though the Orton/Wyatt build has been a lot of fun, so I’m excited for this match at Wrestlemania.

The only things worth checking out here are the Team Cena/Team Miz segment, Naomi’s return and the Wyatt/Harper main event. The final Smackdown prior to Wrestlemania spent way too much time and effort building pre-show matches and showing the SD Tag Titles won’t be defended. It had absolutely no further build for the Intercontinental Championship, as neither Ambrose nor Corbin were on the show, which is very, very stupid.

Overall, a not-good go-home Smackdown, sadly.

 

Talking Smack

Over to the saving grace of WWE TV each and every week, Talking Smack with the Renee Young and Daniel Bryan. I need them to be my Mom-mom and Pop-pop. Please.

They begin by offering their condolences to JR’s wife, who passed away this week.

Bryan says there’s a lot of stress going in to Mania. As GM he did his best to make sure Smackdown can be the best it can going in to the “Ultimate Thrill Ride”.

AJ Styles is the first guest. AJ is feeling good going in to Mania. Bryan asks why he didn’t shake his hand like in the Ring of Honor days, but Styles says it was bad timing, as the crowd booed it.

AJ says he is a winner and will find a way to win. He has the advantage going in to this match. Bryan says Shane has Muay Thai training and boxing training, but Styles isn’t afraid of Shane. He will embarrass him. McMahon will have no tricks in this match.

AJ feels he should be in the main event, and reminds Bryan he has not yet received his one-on-one rematch for the WWE Championship. D-Bry makes a note of it, and even writes it down, at AJ’s request.

Bryan says he takes Styles point of view – that maybe Shane can’t hang with him – but Shane has a skill of pushing people to a next level.

After talking about Renee’s extensions, they discuss Cena and Miz next. Bryan again states he can’t remain neutral in this situation. He says Miz is great at verbal sparring, but so is Cena. They note how Cena gave Miz a free shot tonight, and Bryan notes that Miz didn’t take it. Cena laid in to Maryse, and Miz did nothing.

Bryan says he wouldn’t care if that man was Brock Lesnar, if someone was trashing his wife he would punch that person in the face. Well said sir.

Our next guest is the returning Naomi. Renee throws to Naomi relinquishing the SD Women’s title. Way to kill the mood Renee.

The video fires Naomi up, and the video made her mad all over again. She talks about her journey to get back in time for Mania. Even though it was only a month, with the rehab and watching Alexa Bliss every week talk trash, it felt a lot longer.

Renee notes that on Wednesday they head to Orlando, Naomi’s hometown. Naomi is going to bring her all, in front of her family and friends, to win back what she never lost. Renee and Naomi share an air high-five, but Bryan’s is “Stank”.

Between the “Sweet Beets” and stank air-fives, Bryan is looking really white.

Bryan makes his weekly mention of “The Big Hog” James Ellsworth, noting he is a wild card with Carmella, and could play a factor during the title match at Wrestlemania.

Moving on, they discuss the Intercontinental Championship, and that Dean Ambrose and Baron Corbin can’t be in the same room at this point. They throw to a split-screen interview they held between them earlier in the day.

Ambrose remains the same cool-headed and humorous dude as always, whilst the  “Cranky Wolf” stays serious and on point.

Corbin enjoys making Dean suffer, and looking in to his eyes to see the moment he breaks. Ambrose is only scared of two things: Tarantula Hawks and Lyme Disease. At Mania, he will kick his ass and steal his lunch money. Ambrose will keep getting back up and hitting Corbin harder.

Corbin will finish the job at Wrestlemania when he takes his title. Ambrose calls Corbin boring. They trade jibes again, but Ambrose finds a TV remote and turns Corbin off, before leaving the interview.

Corbin shows up with Renee and Bryan now. There’s no remote to stop Corbin from beating up Ambrose. Corbin will send Ambrose back to parking lots to get paid in hot dogs and dollars he staples to himself. Corbin will carry Smackdown, and it will start when he wins the IC title. He storms out.

Bryan notes that Corbin said he was the future, but not the present, and feels that Ambrose is the present.

Young and Bryan wrap up the show, with Bryan screaming “THE ULTIMATE THRILL RIDE”. It’s almost like he’s mocking it or something.