Why Slash is Badass

“And, as soon as I could put together the, you know, three or four notes that I made up, like, sort of a rock and roll lick, you know, like a Chuck Berry kind of thing, I was off and running.
Just completely taken over.” – Slash

I established something when I was 15.

Slash is a guitarist.

His main goal, as a guitarist, is to fit as many notes in the motherfuckin’ song as possible.

At the time, me and my friend Jonny were delving deep into alternative cultures, the best Britain had to offer at the time (It has only declined since, so I think we were the last of a great generation) – We were skateboarding, music making, Jackass imitating goons whose days were filled up with watching Kerrang! and MTV2 and making our own home video, The Candoo Kangaroo.

Part Skate video, part throwing-ourselves-down-the-stairs video and then at the end, part Guns N’ Roses Guitar Audition spoof video.

One day I will convert it to DVD so you can all view, but till then I’ll continue with Mega Slash.

So a few months back, I was letting my mind run about Slash, and then it hit me. Slash invariably has his own unit of time. Now the maths might be a bit loose on this one, but it’s tight enough for me.

A Mega Slash unit of time is 64 days. Again, 64 days equates to one unit of Mega Slash time. How did it come to this? I will tell you.

So as I was letting my mind wander, me and my friend Ben were laughing about how long it took for Guns N’ Roses, sansSlash to record Chinese Democracy, then it all made sense . Slash’s goal was to fit as many notes in the motherfuckin’ song as possible – his fingers are lightening, no one could come up with, and play the riffs he plays, no one.

I’ve been a guitarist for 12 years and I’m only just getting round to the Sweet Child O’ Mine solo now. I watched a YouTube video of Slash playing the solo on an acoustic guitar – HOW? How is he that good? He is an ex-heroin addict. Do all ex addicts play that well? I’m not judging him based on his cocktails of choice, but shouldn’t he be withered away now?

The answer – Simply, no! Slash is invincible, he’ll be playing the guitar 15 minutes after he’s dead – IF he dies.
He is the Chuck Norris of the guitar world.

So, as Axl recruited a hareem of hired guns (no pun intended) to fill in Slash’s Snake skin boots, and his own hubris delaying the release of Chinese Democracy, we concluded that because no one could play like Slash, they must have recorded one note per day, for 15 years, edited it all together and emulated Slash.

Studio diaries – Day 43 “Today, we recorded one note – It was the 14 fret on the B string. This album is coming along nicely”

Let me break it down.

The Sweet Child O’ Mine intro is 8 notes across 8 bars. If they rerecorded this at one note per day, it would take 64 days just to emulate Slash’s iconic intro riff – Hence, the unit of Mega Slash is invented.

So that is the reason why Chinese Democracy took so long to come out, that is why Slash will be the greatest (living) guitarist with his own unit of time and that is why we have already had to units of Mega Slash time so far in 2014.

Keep rockin’ everybody.