In a shocking exposé, The Daily Mail today revealed that Jeremy Corbyn eats noodles and snacks on granola bars during Labour meetings.
With what could prove to be the final nail in the Corbyn coffin, the newspaper’s source comes from former aides to the Labour camp who “swear down” that they were in no way biased negatively towards Corbyn. This latest fiasco comes off the back of the party’s biggest ever membership increase, which has appalled and disgusted many.
When confronted by Cultured Vultures in Croydon yesterday, we asked Corbyn to explain how he eats his noodles. “With a fork”. A mealy-mouthed reply. We pressed him for more information, but the Labour leader wasn’t too forthcoming.
“How do I prepare my noodles? What kind of question is that? We’re on the verge of the biggest period of transition in British history and you’re asking me about noodles? Fine.
“I usually just stick them in the microwave in a bowl. When they’re done, I pop them in some tupperware my mum got me for Christmas one year. I make sure to add heaps of salt, so if somebody poisons me, I don’t taste it. I’m done fighting.”
Corbyn then excused himself to resuscitate a dying swan.
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