Pea Bo CAPS LOCKS IN INDIGNATION her way through Crowsnest for her Netflix Nasties.
It’s another week and another Netflix Nasty. What is this, my 11th review? My 11th night of watching some of the worst films my tiny mind has had to try and comprehend and only now have I reviewed a documentary style, shaky cam film. Which is a surprise because there’s an awful lot of them. Thankfully, I happened to choose the shittest one.
The usual tale of teenagers roadtripping through some dirt roads, going to a ‘cabin’ of sorts to ‘holiday’ because someone’s ‘father’ owns something and you know, I have no sympathy for them. They seem like they’re immersed in pop culture. They should have seen the 100 odd films detailing every awful decision they’re making. I’ve seen a fair few films to know if someone says: ‘MY DAD’S GOT A CABIN IN THE WOODS OMG LET’S GO OUT THERE OMG LET’S FORGET OUR PHONES AND FUCK TELLING ANYONE WHERE WE ARE AND WHY ARE WE DOING THIS THERE’S A RESORT DOWN THE ROAD’ to tell them to fuck off and lock myself in my room.
No fucking sympathy.
There are two couples, and a sister tagging along, who spends most of her time killing the vibe and talking about being a virgin. She also happens to be the first one to die. WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE.
As they travel down the roads of Derelictville, a large RV chases and attacks them. It’s like Duel and Herbie had a baby and this baby was not right. Their car breaks down, and their one phone (ONE PHONE. IN THIS WORLD. YOU CAN’T SEPARATE A TEENAGER FROM THE DEVICES GLUED INTO THEIR BODIES, PENETRATING THEIR BLOODFLOW) gets no signal. So, they decide to try and climb the hill with the dark scary woods to receive signal. Really now.
Let’s not forget that one is already dead, the other is now missing, one couple finds out about the other cheating and there are killers on the loose. It’s about time to pack up and go home. I’d walk. I’d just fucking walk home. Fuck this, I’m leaving. Bye guys. I like life, so bye.
So, the usual happens and blah blah and UGH BURN THIS FILM. I want everyone to die and at the end I stand up and clap. My lips curl up into a smile and I clap. Well done, Pea Bo. You made it through.
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