How Goldberg vs. Kevin Owens at Fastlane Should Go Down

A few days ago, Cultured Vultures’ resident Big Boss Man, Jimmy, wrote an opinion piece on how a 50 year old man shouldn’t go anywhere near the big red belt. And he shouldn’t, for a multitude of reasons.

But that leaves WWE in an unfavourable situation. Should Goldberg defeat Kevin Owens and become the new Universal Champion, WWE will have created a WrestleMania main event match-up that, for the third year in a row, would have an underwhelming build overshadowed by the rest of the card.

And if he were booked to win, it would surely be a squash match. Kevin Owens hasn’t been booked nearly as strongly as Old Man Goldberg over the past few months, and any match over 5 minutes, or essentially the amount of time he’s wrestled since rejoining the company, has the very real possibility of exposing Goldberg and his inadequacies in the ring. But putting the belt on Mr William Goldberg in such a manner has the potential to destroy the Prizefighter’s main event run.

So what is WWE to do? Let’s be honest, they’re probably just going to have Goldberg crush Owens like an insect, but here’s how we’d book it:

Brock Lesnar screws Goldberg at Fastlane.

It’s as simple as that, and here’s why it would work.

Firstly, it gives the Lesnar/Goldberg feud some much needed animosity. Their rivalry has been basically one-sided since the get-go, with Lesnar being humiliated by Goldberg at every turn. A Fastlane Screwjob would give Brock a much needed measure of revenge against Goldberg. Plus, it would give Goldberg a more legitimate reason to hate Brock Lesnar, which can only aid the rivalry.

Secondly, Brock and ‘Berg are already scheduled to compete against each other at the Grandest Stage of Them All. The argument is that adding the Universal Championship to the match helps raise the stakes, but a counter argument could be made that it makes said belt an afterthought. The two men are already fighting each other, regardless of the outcome at Fastlane.

Unless Heyman comes out between now and Fastlane to declare that Lesnar wants the winner of the title match, we can only assume that Lesnar doesn’t care about belt, which has the potential to make the Universal Championship seem unimportant.

But lastly, there are already at least two better uses of the Universal Championship: Kevin Owens vs Chris Jericho, and Kevin Owens vs Finn Balor. The former would be a deeply personal bout between the two best friends that could see Jericho claim (quite rightly) that Owens wouldn’t be champ without him, whilst Owens grows tired of people refusing to take him seriously due to his association with Jericho.

The second potential match, KO vs Balor, has already stolen shows down in NXT. Finn comes back to reclaim the belt he never lost, whilst Owens sets out to reinjure Balor’s shoulder. Ultimately, a triumphant Finn could stand tall at the Showcase of the Immortals, besting Owens and an interference by Jericho to become a two-time Universal Champion.

Either one could be Match of the Night, possibly even the year, but this is WWE we’re talking about. If Vince McMahon wants two super muscled freaks who only work part time to headline WrestleMania, then that’s what’ll happen. Former WWE writer Freddie Prinze Jr probably said it best: These are Vince McMahon’s toys. It’s nice he lets you watch him play with them, but what he says goes.