‘Cuddle Up To Me’ – Professional Cuddling Shop Opens

We all get lonely, such is human existence; perpetually plagued by our own thoughts, only emphasising our inherent loneliness, as we struggle to truly know anything beyond the boundaries of bone that encase our brain. We yearn, and hope beyond hope, for someone who will knows us as well as we know them, and we each in turn know ourselves.

Unfortunately, you are stuck with you – and you alone – and you can thank your highly evolved brain for that. We all deal with it in our own way. Me, I like the sauce. Of course, there is a little thing called love that brings us all a little closer to companionship, which is great for all those happy couples who secretly hate each other. Love or hate, they’ve got that companion-shit locked down.

For the rest of us, sometimes we just need a hug, maybe our hair stroked, or solid evening’s spooning, to have a sense of intimacy, comfort, company, safety, and instance of feeling like we’re not wholly, crushingly alone. SPOILER: We are. It’s awkward though, asking strangers in the street to just hold you, touch you, tell you everything is going to be alright, and assure you contact is real.

Well, one lady is doing something about this. Her name is Samantha Hess, and she is a ‘professional cuddler’. This career path to Miss Hess when she was at an all time low;

“I was at a place where I thought paying someone to hug me and not have ulterior motives sounded like a great idea. I decided why can’t this be a thing that we can easily and safely reach for?”

Taking the idea beyond herself and her own needs, she sought to help others – she would take her cuddling to the solitary masses. At first Hess made house calls as a professional cuddler, but has now established and opened a ‘pro cuddling shop’, where for $60 customers can get an hour’s worth of spooning and “the level of human contact that we want or need in order to be our optimal selves.”

It’s not just all spooning though, a session does have the option of added extras; hair-stroking, hand-holding, caressing, and conversation also available. It should be noted it is, assuredly, entirely above board and in no way ‘adult’ orientated. You know what I mean. I assume for this reason, among many others, there are security measures in place to ensure the safety of the cuddler and the cuddlee.

Whilst I am not doubting Miss Hess’s inspiration, this idea was originally popularised in Japan a couple years back with ‘cuddle cafes’. Though, I will admit this sounds a whole lot less creepy in comparison to the menu options available at Japanese cuddle cafes. I mean, it’s still pretty creepy, and maybe I’m cynical but I highly doubt the integrity of a large portion of the customers. I know, you know, they know, we all know. I also get the impression that there’s got be an exceptionally high obsessive stalker risk involved with such proprietary business of cuddles. People are fucked up.

Nope. I think I’ll stick to running out the clock with alcohol and crushing loneliness. Though, it clearly works for some;

“After meeting Samantha Hess, I feel so much better. Our cuddle time gave me a different outlook on life. I had no idea what I was missing. I am a big fan now and look forward to our next session. She is encouraging, kind and sincere.” – Steve from Vancouver.

If you’re in the neighbourhood, and you fancy feeling comfort on a deep and intimate level, the shop is open Monday to Friday, talking is optional, but pyjamas are encouraged. The website (here) received 10,000 emails in its first week.

I think Samantha Hess has more faith in humanity than I do. I need a hug.