Console Fanboy Shocked to Realise It’s Not 1999

Local man Rhys Jackson was recently taking part in his favourite hobby, “chatting shit about Xbox fags”, when, after a quick glance at his calendar, he realised something that chilled him to his core.

It wasn’t 1999.

The avid PlayStation user had been accidentally keeping himself in a chrysalis of sorts, unable to tell the time or that the only difference between Xbox One and PS4 is the shape of a controller. Due to this, Jackson has spent the past two decades arguing with people on the internet about consoles like it matters.

“I was shocked, I really was,” the unemployed, ‘School of Hard Nocks’ (source: Facebook) graduate said when speaking to press. “I’ve spent so long shouting into the void that I failed to recognise the void in my soul.”

“Back in my day, the console wars were a glorious thing. I remember when the original Xbox came out and I said it was an Xcocks, the people loved it.”

“But now? I’ve been commenting on the official Xbox Facebook page to bait people into an argument, hoping it would make me feel something, anything.”

“It didn’t work. That’s why I’m kind of glad to find out about my condition.”

Jackson has said that he will no longer be arguing with people online about which controller gives the least amount of RSI and is instead focusing on building a gaming rig so he can, in his words, “discuss gaming with dignified people in peace”.

UPDATE: Since the publication of this story, Jackson has relapsed and been sent to recovery for peasantry.

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