I’m writing this on my day off, sat in my apartment with a glass of red wine at my side. The working week leaves me so “up” that I’m still carrying a chunk of manic energy around with me by the weekend and it takes a while for it to wear off, a bit like a comedown. Occasionally, outside help is needed to expedite the process, hence the vino.
The last few weeks at the school before holiday time are a tornado of exhaustion, last-minute admin and wrapping up loose ends. The entire staff are running on fumes. The fumes themselves are running off of sub-fumes. We have two weeks to go before we all flop over like ragdoll puppets whose strings have been abruptly snipped.
Normally I write this after something interesting has happened, but this latest despatch is unique because it prefaces a bunch of interesting things that are all lined up but haven’t happened yet. So many notable events are happening so close together, a convergence of climaxes, not unlike the season finale of a TV show. At the time of writing, the following events will take place over the next seven days:
1) My school will host a Christmas party for the adult students. I’ve become very fond of the people I’ve been teaching English to since April. Many of them are lovely and all of them have a story to tell, from the kindly businessmen who are there on company orders to the bright-eyed grandmothers who are indulging their hobby. It’ll be fun to see what they’re all like once they’ve let their hair down and gotten drunk.
2) My school will host a party for the child students. When I first started teaching, kids classes were the one thing that I dreaded above all else. I remember one afternoon where I felt reasonably sure I was going to have a panic attack mere minutes before I went into a classroom. Managing a room full of children is one of the most difficult things I have ever attempted, more so if you barely know what you’re doing in the first place. But it’s funny what eight months can do; I’m so much more comfortable in the front of the little tykes now. They hold my hand in the lobby and everything. Next week I get to dress up as Santa Claus and give out presents for them. The thought of this excites me greatly.
3) I’m going to see The Force Awakens at an IMAX theatre in Osaka. One year ago I watched the teaser on my iPad in a small cottage in Kentish Town where I was staying temporarily. At the time I was still reeling from my break-up and I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do with my life. Fast forward 12 months and I will be seeing the finished product in Japan’s second largest city. Life is funny sometimes, and I mean that in a good way.
4) I’m going to an as-yet-undecided restaurant for the end-of-year staff party. I may not always see eye-to-eye with my colleagues in the workplace but anytime I’ve hung out with them outside of work they’ve been goofy and ridiculous and great fun. There’s been times over the past eight months where some of us have probably felt like shooting each other, but for better or worse we are a team and we have pulled together in the name of a greater good. We have experienced euphoric peaks and persevered through the sulky troughs. Along the way, maybe we have helped each other grow and learn. Or maybe we all still feel like shooting each other.
5) I’m flying back to the UK for a week to visit my loved ones and see in the new year. It feels like I left London years ago, but it’s only been eight months. I wonder how the place will look, how it will feel. I daydream about what it will be like being back in a country where I can converse with people in shops and bars easily and understand the language on all the signs and menus. Will it all feel like a barbaric shithole compared to Japan? Will I be blindsided by culture shock? I also think about what it will be like to be reunited with the friends and family I have missed these last few months. I imagine there will be tears, but this time they will be the good kind.
I cannot believe this year is nearly over. I cannot believe how far I have come and what I have learned about myself. It’s been one of the most extraordinary periods of my life, and it still has a few weeks left in case it feels like pulling any last minute surprises. The next week alone will create memories that will stay with me the rest of my life.
Regular visitors to this column will know that I’ve been up and down a lot. My experience has had its fair share of highs and lows, but as I sit here typing away (the song that just come on my Spotify is Brian Eno’s ‘Here Come The Warm Jets’, soundtracking this all very nicely), there is a feeling that it might all be leading somewhere meaningful, as if the rollercoaster might soon be levelling out and I’ll finally have a chance to get my bearings. It feels like a very long tunnel, but it also feels like there is definitely light at the end of it.
My finale is winding to its close. I’m very curious to see what happens next.
See you on the other side.
CONFESSIONS OF A GAIJIN WILL RETURN NEXT YEAR
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