Characters on TV shows have it easy. They have great jobs that pay for massive houses, making their lives risk free and full of melodrama. If they have crappy jobs it usually means they can get away with doing little to no work without any consequences.
It’s enough to make you sick, isn’t it?
Every so often though, TV shows will make their characters work for the worst companies, then put them through the wringer. Here are our suggestions for where not to send your CV next time you’re looking for work.
1. Planet Express (Futurama)
Company owner Hubert J Farnsworth is seeking new staff members to join his eclectic team aboard the Planet Express delivery ship.
Perks: The workload is minimal, with the company managing only ten deliveries per year in the decade ending 3010. This leaves you open to exploring hobbies, like going to the multiball game, or other career choices, such as joining the army for a discount on bubble gum.
Downsides: The company’s slogan is “Our crew is replaceable, your package isn’t”, so be ready for some serious workplace hazards. Watch out for giant space bees, accidental time travel and planets filled with vengeful Amazonian women. Your crewmates may be of little use in such circumstances, being either stupid, homicidal or obsessed with seafood.
2. Buy More (Chuck)
Good with computers but just couldn’t quite get that university degree? Join the IT help-desk of a big box outlet and while away your 20s in a self-deprecating stupor.
Perks: Neither punctuality or work ethic seem to matter much at Buy More. Don’t feel like working? Blow it off by using the company car to go out on a ‘job’. If that doesn’t work, there are plenty of hiding places to choose from in-store. Under the help desk, inside the home theater room, or even a secret underground base paid for by the US government.
Downsides:Depending on which branch you’re employed at, there’s a descent chance of getting shot, held hostage or otherwise inconvenienced by a variety of criminal elements. If this has happened to you it’s likely one of your co-workers is a super-spy with an entire encyclopedia of government secrets in his head. Our advice is to transfer to another branch before you end up trying to diffuse a bomb with an internet porn virus.
3. Dunder Mifflin (The Office)
How much do you love paper? Can you get other people to buy it? Most importantly, though, can you deal with the manager?
Perks: If you’re good at sales, this is the role for you. Working with the best sales team in Pennsylvania, you’ll get to learn from award winners. Other perks, such as Movie Monday and the Cafe Disco are also on offer, as well as team building events like the Dundies and Michael Scott’s Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure.
Downsides: There’s no easy way to say this: your boss is a danger to himself and your job productivity. From ill judged recitals of Chris Rock stand up routines to dropping a watermelon off a roof onto a car, you’ll need to develop strategies early if you don’t want to get sucked into his schemes. The Assistant to the Regional Manager is no better. Be prepared in case he starts a fire just to test the fire safety procedures; he may have wedged the doors shut and heated their handles with a blowtorch.
4. Jupiter Mining Corporation (Red Dwarf)
The Space Corps’ deep space mining operation needs recruits for a tour into deep space on the newly fitted Red Dwarf. There’s absolutely no risk of peril.
Perks: See the new frontier while getting paid for the experience. Explore space and enjoy career advancement as you work. The journey into deep space might take you away from your family, but you can take the astro-navigation exam as many times as you like. Even if you die, you can bounce back as a intelligent hologram.
Downsides: There’s a small risk of a horrifying death if an incompetent technician fails to fix your spaceship’s drive plate properly. Don’t worry though, if you’re in the ship’s stasis pod the radiation won’t harm you. On the other hand, there is a small chance the ship AI doesn’t bother to wake you up for three million years. Should this occur chances of career advancement, or personal relationships, will be highly reduced.
5. Reynholm Industries (The IT Crowd)
Do you have management skills? Can you blag your way through a conversation about computers with a corporate CEO? Reynholm Industries might have a position for you.
Perks: As long as you can pretend to know about IT you should be fine. No one except the IT guys understand how it all works anyway. Just listen to what they tell you – it’s probably true, even if they do tell you typing google into Google could break the internet.
Downsides: The IT guys will resent you and your office is in the basement. Also, there might be someone living behind that mysterious red door at the back of the IT department. The CEO may also be accidentally terrifying and impossible to read at the same time. We’re sorry about that. The company is making lots of money though. A scary amount in fact. It’s almost as if there’s some kind of pension fraud going on.
Actually, forget that. That would be crazy.
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