8 Reasons Why Being Ill is the Worst Thing Ever

Hi world. I’m fed up. I’m pissed off. 

I’m ill.

It’s just the time of year really isn’t it? University students will soon be dropping like flies to the horrid freshers flu and the change in seasons brings about a change in temperature that plays havoc with us all. So if you’re joining me in reaching for the tissues and hiding under the duvet, then this one is for you.

1. There’s only so many times you can blow your nose before it hurts… like really hurts.

Seriously, this is a huge grudge for me. When you reach day 2 or 3 of the sneezes and your nose is running and then dread fills your every fibre. You know you have to reach for that tissue. You know what blowing your nose means. The agony, the burn… coarse material against your irritated bothered nose. You wish you didn’t have to but it’s either that or have snot dripping off your face and you kind of feel disgusting enough as it is. You reach for the vaseline… brief, sweet, relief.

Then ACHOO.

And it starts all over again.

*sob*

2. It turns even the most cheery annoying go-getter into an apathetic mess.

It doesn’t matter how motivated you were yesterday, how long your to do list is… when that illness strikes, that’s it. Bed for you. I’ve made the repeated mistake of leaving my glass of water on the desk about a  minute from where I sleep. This is agony. This is torture. My throat is raw and now I have to move. I reach, feebly. Surely now, if ever, is the time to discover I can use the force… but no, no amount of praying to Yoda moves it.

I fall back on the bed.

Kill me now.

3. Illness has no consideration for your personal commitments.

Seriously. I have a very important job interview this week. Do you understand that germs? BUZZ OFF! No? Sticking around? Fine. *grumbles and pops lemsip like a wreckhead pops ecstasy at a rave*

Seriously, illness takes no consideration for what might be going on in your life. Here are just some of the exciting things germs can make you miss.

 Birthdays. Weddings. Anniversaries. Dates. Awards ceremonies. Funerals (well not your own.. in fact, that’s the one time they come in handy)
End of season sales. Celebrity signings. Festivals. Holidays. Aliens landing.

That one time the cat did that thing that was “aw so cute” and “incredible” and we’ll be talking about it for ages even though you weren’t there because you were ill….awkward.

4. Turns out TV CAN get boring.

TV is one of the few solaces when you’re ill. Entertainment with minimum input from you, especially in the day and age of on demand and Netflix.

However…and those of you with a full time job may struggle to believe this…TV can actually get very boring and repetitive after a while.

Which leaves the sick person with an issue. Too ick for video games, no energy for hobbies, head pounding far too much to read… what does one do for entertainment?

5. You feel disgusting.

I don’t know, maybe there are some interesting fetishes out there that cover this, but personally there’s something about being head to toe in my own sweat whilst shivering and just knowing I smell. that I find disgusting. So not only do I have to feel like crap, but I have to deal with the fact that second to Hitler rising from the dead and prompting the second holocaust, I am probably the most unappealing concept on this planet right now.

*sniffs* someone love me, please?

6. All the pains.. that come from nowhere.

What is with those horrible nervous aches and pains we get when we’re ill? They’re the worst. I’m already suffering enough without some intangible pain that I can’t do anything about apart from pop paracetamol with crossed fingers. I’m accident prone and as a result, when something is hurting I know what to do about it. Yet these pains, all you can do is sleep and grumble. Bleurgh.

7. You lose your usual comfort habbits.

I couldn’t drink tea yesterday.

I need tea. If there is not tea inside of me there is no me and all the world spirals off into a horrible terrible world where bad things happen and minds get lost and marbles and thrown out and babies dropped and evil children sing demented nursery times and time starts melting and salvador dali has an orgasm and jizzes melting clock faces everywhere.

It’s not good.

8. Everything tastes horrible.

Why is it, that when you’re ill, the only thing that tastes half way decent is heinz soup? Because let’s be clear here, that shit is NASTY. I cannot stand it, unless i’m ill and then it’s the best thing on this entire planet ever. I love cheering myself up with food but when everything taste like crumbly death it’s kind of hard to enjoy it.