WWE Raw Recap: The One Where Rollins Shows Up At The End

It’s time for a Raw Recap (we watch it so you don’t have to!).

The main bulk of Monday Night Raw this week was dominated by the Stephanie McMahon Vs Mick Foley Authority bullshit, which no-one really cares about because Stephanie won’t stop degrading everyone and stealing TV time.

This time, she told Mick he had to fire someone by the end of the night. Someone from the bottom 10%, as this would show strong leadership. After teases throughout the night, Foley decided to step up and fire Stephanie, who promptly told him he didn’t have that kind of power. If only they would fire me from watching Raw.

Triple H came out, as he is nothing if not a devoted husband, leading to a verbal exchange between himself and Mick. This resulted in a Mandible Claw to The Game before Steph hit a low blow. Seth Rollins returned, sending Triple H out the ring, but The King of Kings would retaliate with a crutch shot to Rollins, before snagging his injured leg in an Indian Death Lock to leave him laying. Because Triple H.

I may guess this could be a way to write off Foley. His departure has been built up over the past few weeks, and this could open the way for a certain Olympic Gold Medalist to step in as the new Raw GM.

Reports indicate Seth Rollins is still not full cleared medically at this time, so his potential Wrestlemania 33 match with The Game remains anyone’s guess.

Heyman and Lesnar opened the show, cutting a promo on finally getting one up on Goldberg, and giving us some Wrestling Maths:

 

F-5 = Lesnar Goes Up = Down Goes Goldberg

 

I wish maths was that interesting when I was at school, because I would have nailed algebra.

Sasha Banks beat Dana Brooke in a very short match. Post-match, Charlotte ran down Dana, leading to Brooke finally turning on Charlotte in a move that you could have guessed would happen middle of last year. Just a shame at this point that there is no reason to invest in Dana Brookes character in any way.

Tony Nese and The Brian Kendrick defeated T.J Perkins and Akira Tozawa in a 205 Live tag match that actually got more than 3 minutes.

It was announced that, on the next episode of 205 Live, there will be a 5-way elimination match to determine to new number one contender to the Cruiserweight Championship. The competitors will be Nese, Kendrick, Perkins, Tozawa and Austin Aries. (The smart money says Aries picks up that win).

In a promo, Kevin Owens promised to spill The Tears of Jericho (Cry it out, maaannn) at Mania 33, before tagging with ‘The Destroyer’ Samoa Joe to take on the team of Sami Zayn and Chris Jericho.

The match ended in a DQ after 3 minutes, because there was too much ass-kicking. I think that was the reason. The heels stood tall after Owens dropped Jericho with a Pop-Up Powerbomb.

Nia Jax complained about not being in the Raw Women’s Championship match at Wrestlemania, but was then given a match with Bayley, the champion, later in the night. Jinder (He’s Still There?) Mahal demanded Foley not fire him, so Foley put him in a match with Roman Reigns. Ooo-wah.

The New Day’s debuted a new segment called New Day Talks. This was mostly to promote the new WWE/Jetsons movie (I hope every single Jetson is thrown through tables) and for Big Show to confirm his entry in the Andre the Giant Battle Royal at Mania.
Alas, it would seem we will not be treated to Big Show Vs Shaq this year.

Enzo & Cass fought Sheamus and Cesaro to determine the Raw Tag Team number one contenders, but the match was interrupted by champions Gallows and Anderson, who beat all four men down.

To no-ones surprise, a tag team match between all three teams for the belts was made for Wrestlemania 33. I don’t understand why Gallows and Anderson thought that was a good idea. It’s as if they’ve never watched wrestling before.

Reigns beat Mahal, after being spooked by a Taker GONG during the match. After the match, Shawn Michaels came out for his yearly pre-Mania appearance. Michaels argued that Taker was in Reigns head, but Roman disagreed, claiming he would retire Taker at Mania.

As he made his way back up the ramp, Reigns was ambushed by Braun Strowman, who hit him so hard I genuinely think Roman was slapped into a different Universe in which he is John Cena, and ice cream bars exist. As of this writing, Romans body has yet to be recovered.

Austin Aries defeated Ariya Daivari in a short match. I can’t help but feel that Aries should be winning matches like this more dominantly, given his in-ring introduction to many casual Raw watchers is so recent. Neville watched from backstage, holding the new Cruiserweight belt.

Big Show beat Titus O’ Neil, after chokeslamming him not nearly enough times.

Sasha Banks continued to tease a heel turn, telling Bayley not to listen to the ‘haters’ who say she is not a deserving champion.

Bayley beat Nia Jax via DQ, after Jax wouldn’t stop putting the boots to Bayley, ignoring the five count. The crowd didn’t much care for this. It’s a shame, as anyone who watches NXT will know these two are capable of putting on decent matches.

The only thing really worth watching from this Raw was the end segment between Foley,Steph and Triple H, with the (kind of) return of Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns being absolutely BRAUN’D to shit. Other than that, not massively worth your time.