WWE Great Balls of Fire 2017 Match Card and Predictions

Looks like we finally made it. If any further proof were needed that Vinnie Mac is a certified madman, then then naming of this PPV should stand a massive, huge, flashing siren.

According to reports, the name Great Balls of Fire (GBoF) was chosen simply because Vince found it “hilarious” and – as we know – whatever Vince wants, he gets. It’s the same odd, puerile sense of humour that found creative telling Seth Rollins to call Chris Jericho “sparkle crotch” a few months back. Vince reportedly had the same reaction to that word. How he has made it this far and amassed so much money is truly baffling at times.

But now to more important matters. GBoF (despite the handicap incurred by the unfortunate name) could spring a surprise and be the best PPV card of the year, certainly so far. The build up for the majority of the matches – the two main attractions in particular – has really whetted the fan’s appetite for some bruising encounters.

 

Universal Championship Match

Brock Lesnar (c) vs Samoa Joe

Admit it, you’re not 100% sure how this is going to play out, are you? The build for the main event has been exemplary and has shown Joe not just as a worthy opponent for the human cliff face that is Brock Lesnar, but there is some serious doubt as to whether the defending champion is going to retain.

This match is the shot in the arm the Universal Championship has needed since it was created last August and it finally shows the belt as something worth fighting for; not just an afterthought that a 53-year-old Goldberg can win in 22 seconds.

The past three weeks have presented Samoa Joe as man with everything to gain and nothing to lose. He’s floored, choked out and hunted down Lesnar on consecutive RAW broadcasts, much to the fans’ delight. Lesnar’s smug mugging and reliance on past achievements shows him as a vulnerable, aging prizefighter looking to cement his place at the top for a little while longer.

Whatever the result on Sunday, a rematch at Summerslam must happen. Don’t expect a clean win for either man here. A DQ, double count out or no contest looks the most likely outcome. Should WWE revert to type and have Lesnar win in seven minutes with 12 suplexes and an F5 then more fool them for throwing a big money feud down the drain.

WINNER: Brock Lesnar via DQ or Joe not relinquishing the Coquina Clutch.

 

Ambulance Match

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

Braun’s hollering, cavernous cry of “I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!” when it comes to dealing with his affairs with Reigns has become something of a meme. It’s served to underpin and typify a feud that at first looked like yet more Superman booking for the former Shield member, but has done more as a showcase for the self-proclaimed Monster Among Men.

This feud was almost derailed entirely when Strowman broke his elbow and faced a reported six months on the sidelines, so he’s either working through some real pain or he has the regeneration powers of Wolverine. His return to RAW – springing from the back of an ambulance during Reigns’ match with Samoa Joe – caught one of the biggest pops of the year. The big man’s star is truly in ascendancy.

Herein lies the problem. Neither man can really afford to lose. Reigns – as the designated superhero of WWE whether you like it or not – still needs the wins and the momentum to build up to next year’s probable clash with Lesnar at Wrestlemania. Strowman simply needs to keep looking like the monster that he is.

The Ambulance Match looks set to be an end to their rivalry – for now – but you should expect a Reigns win. As long as they make Strowman look almost impossible to put down – let’s see multiple chair shots, finishers, a real struggle just to get him off his feet and into the back of that vehicle – then both men should come out of this looking good.

WINNER: Reigns by…ambulancing?

 

Seth Rollins vs Bray Wyatt

As good as the two marquee matches are, and as much as you know the card itself is good, there a couple of bouts that make you realise how little you care. Sadly, this is one of them.

Wyatt is now a man who runs his mouth with all these pretty, gothic words and subtexts, then gets soundly beaten in double quick time when it comes to the crunch. He’s gone through chance after chance and had his momentum halted every time. One can’t help but wonder if losing the world title to Orton at Wrestlemania in a match more forgettable than an amnesia convention hasn’t slowed him down entirely, if not for good.

Again, the omens don’t look good. The feud is lukewarm at best, the two having been stuck together simply for its own sake. The build up has been remote and distant, and neither has excelled or given fans a taste of what could be.

Still, if it isn’t a Rollins win then colour me shocked.

WINNER: Rollins by pinfall.

 

Intercontinental Championship Match

The Miz (c) vs Dean Ambrose

Please just make this the last time these two fight for a good while. Please? The feud between these two former world champions had already been taken to breaking point on Smackdown, and so for it to continue immediately over on RAW was a baffling decision.

Sure, we’ve had Ambrose dressed as a bear, the entirely avoidable Ball family saga and Miz giving it the best he’s got with some cutting, personal promos, but the one thing we’ve lacked throughout is some memorable matches. Ambrose has phoned it in to an embarrassing degree since dropping the world title in late-2016 and Miz – such is his current upward curve – deserves much better.

WINNER: Miz by pinfall. Let’s just end this. Please.

 

30-minute Iron Man match for the RAW Tag Team Championships

Cesaro and Sheamus (c) vs The Hardy Boyz

Another feud that has gone on just a little too long. While the Hardys have brought the nostalgia and fan reactions to this rivalry, it’s Cesaro and Sheamus that have done the dog’s work when it comes to carrying matches.

Sure, Matt and Jeff – the latter in particular – have put themselves through the wringer over the years, but they are so far off the pace of their contemporaries that you can only hope common sense prevails and sees the Irishman and his bald Swiss friend retain the belts.

The stipulation is a little strained and out of nowhere, but it should add some much needed tension to proceedings. A win would do absolutely nothing for the Hardys, so let’s see the right choice being made.

WINNER: Cesaro and Sheamus.

 

Cruiserweight Championship Match

Neville (c) vs Akira Tozawa

Calling it now: this will be match of the night. The build up has been rushed, a little too quickly cobbled together, but the two of them together could probably put on a clinic while blindfolded.

Yours truly covered the current Neville quandary on this very site recently, but it bears repeating: the King of the Cruiserweights finds himself in a tight spot creatively and will need either some good luck or clever booking (luck it is, then) to make sure he doesn’t get lost in the mix once again.

As a result, this is perhaps the toughest match of the night to call. Both could use the win, and neither would suffer too much from a loss. At a pinch, it will probably be Neville scampering away with the purple belt and setting up a second encounter at Summerslam next month.

WINNER: Neville by pinfall.

 

Enzo Amore vs Big Cass

Tag teams breaking up and feuding always begs the question: who will be Shawn Michaels and who will be Marty Jannetty? In the case of Amore and Cass, neither is going to be Shawn Michaels, but then neither will be Jannetty either.

Their break was a long time coming and while there was a mild swerve regarding the circumstances (we all expected Cass to be the mystery attacker, of course) it was a matter of when, not if.

That being said, it’s surely all about Cass here. Amore has always been the weak link in their partnership, and simply isn’t strong enough to deal with the big man’s arsenal. One match is all this should need, but there will probably be more.

The future looks brighter for Cass – remember when he was in the four-way for the vacant Universal Championship? – but you do have to wonder how Amore will fare once the dust has settled on this one.

WINNER: Big Cass by pinfall.

 

RAW Women’s Championship Match

Alexa Bliss (c) vs Sasha Banks

I can’t be the only person who finds Sasha incredibly boring, right? It’s fantastic that she’s helped to spearhead a revitalised women’s division in WWE, and large sections of the female audience – particularly the younger ones – adore her, but the act is old and everything feels largely forgettable.

Compare and contrast with Alexa Bliss, who plays the role of the pouting little stinker to perfection – all sarcastic tones and wide-eyed ‘who, me?’ facial expressions – and marries that to some rather exciting in-ring ability.

A win over Banks would cement Bliss as the new head of the women’s division on RAW and bring some stability and conviction to a title that spent most of the past 12 months hot shotting from waist to waist.

WINNER: Bliss by pinfall.