The Ten Count: Undertaker and HBK Bring Back the Spirit of ’97

While the Hell in a Cell pay-per-view continues to take shape, the only superstars promoting the Australian Super Show-Down event are two part-timers and a retiree. And they may have done more to sell that event in one segment than the full-time roster did for Hell in a Cell in the other five hours of WWE main roster programming this week. Here’s the Ten Count of what caught our eye on Raw and SmackDown:

 

1. End of an Era Reignited

Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker stole the show on Raw with a memorable in-ring confrontation. Initially, Michaels displayed his cheekiest behavior, telling the crowd he “can almost guarantee” that the Attitude Era combatants would give them something they will never forget (and only the Heartbreak Kid could get away with complaining about WWE’s brutal travel schedule via his 98-hour flight-time estimate to get Down Under).

But the Undertaker snuffed any air of nostalgia with a shot of cold hard reality. He made this match personal, telling Michaels that he took a piece of his and Hunter’s souls, and “your egos can’t handle it.” Taker really nailed Michaels when he told HBK that the real reason he hadn’t competed since his WrestleMania 26 retirement match was that Shawn knew the Undertaker would tombstone him back into oblivion if he resurfaced. Triple H should bring a similar intensity to his response on Monday night. This match no longer feels like an exhibition contest (e.g., Triple H vs. John Cena at the Greatest Royal Rumble); it’s a fight for each man’s pride and legacy.

 

2. A Moral Monster

Braun Strowman’s heel turn doesn’t appear all that heelish as of now. He smartly sought backup to help counter the Shield’s numbers advantage, challenged Roman Reigns to a fair championship match at Hell in a Cell (instead of cashing in after throttling Reigns the past few weeks), and responded to the Shield’s extracurricular beatdown two weeks ago by orchestrating his own post-match massacres. His only sin was telling the fans that he didn’t care what any of them thought of his actions. That’s the sure sign of a bad man.

 

3. Breakin’ The Law

The Shield’s arrest was hilarious in light of the decades of attempted murder that have gone unpunished in professional wrestling. Witness, for instance, the Undertaker himself trying to embalm Stone Cold Steve Austin alive. Or Taker and the Berzerker nearly mirroring the final confrontation between Stannis Baratheon and Brienne of Tarth. While those heinous acts were committed with legal impunity, The Shield was not so lucky. Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and Seth Rollins appeared before a “judge”, were “formally arraigned”, and “charged” with a litany of offenses that included “inciting a riot.” Fortunately, they made bail, no doubt with the financial help of this fine institution.

 

4. Protect Ya Neck

While it’s good to see the Bellas back wrestling again, no one needs to see Brie nearly kill herself while mangling the same high-spot twice in one match. She should take the between-the-ropes dive out of her repertoire. Furthermore, the Bellas ought to pivot away from gratuitous backstage promos effusively praising newer talent, and work some more Twin Magic on the dark side.

 

5. Rocco 2.0

It’s been 26 years since WWE undercut a monstrous Paul Ellering tag team by chaining them to a goofy, diminutive mouthpiece. That streak ended when Drake Maverick sauntered to the ring alongside Authors of Pain on Raw. Maverick has always been electric on the microphone, and may add a critical component to AoP’s presentation. But he needs to burn and bury the ashes of his Authors “gear” before next week’s broadcast. Anyone watching could be forgiven if their first thought was that WWE powerbrokers were taking the piss out of the Authors with that ridiculous look. Seeing Maverick dress the same as his charges reminds me why baseball managers shouldn’t wear uniforms – or, more appropriately, why Jim Cornette did not rock the same sartorial style as the Midnight Express.

 

6. “Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?”

Congratulations to Kevin Owens on perfecting the George Costanza method of quitting your job, then showing up the next week like nothing happened.

 

7. Talking Smack

The Miz and Maryse dominated this week’s SmackDown broadcast. The self-proclaimed “It Couple” conducted no fewer than four promos in the two-hour program, even cutting short their dinner plans to verbally lace into Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella. Miz encouraging Bryan to fight him in an empty arena would have worked better if that challenge (ostensibly made to save Bryan from being whipped in front of millions of people) wasn’t being recorded and shown to … millions of people later that day via cable television and the Internet. Nonetheless, WWE placed a lot of trust in Miz to carry this episode and promote a marquee feud moving into the next pay-per-view.

 

8. Straight Fire over Natural Selection

Fans still seem intent on cheering Becky Lynch over her former bestie – and current SmackDown women’s champion – Charlotte Flair. And why wouldn’t they? Most of us are not genetically engineered to be perfect athletes. We can more readily empathize with that perfect athlete’s jealous, less-talented friend. Plus, there is greater love to be expressed for Becky Balboa, an underdog who wears her heart on her sleeve, than for the preternaturally gifted inevitability that is Charlotte Flair.

 

9. “Oh, Wennn-deee!”

Samoa Joe called out the WWE Champion by speaking directly to that champion’s wife and daughter. No one in today’s wrestling landscape cuts a more intimidating, “real” promo than Samoa Joe. AJ Styles responded perfectly: he said that “the talking stops” when you threaten a man’s family, and he handled his business. This feud has caught fire, and should culminate in a hellacious match featuring two wrestlers who have been tearing down the house against each other for over a dozen years.

 

10. Speak Up (Not you, Andrade)

While Joe and Miz led the SmackDown field with their promo abilities, the rest of the roster’s mic-work ran the gamut from impressive to atrocious on Tuesday. Before delivering a fine opening bout against Bryan, Andrade “Cien” Almas sounded incomprehensible when given a handful of lines to spout off. It’s a bad sign when even Corey Graves asks what you said instead of just inferring that you’re insulting/challenging your rival.

By contrast, the IIconics’ (sic) promo prior to Peyton Royce’s match with Naomi was brutal by design. Their brash Australian accents and horrible impressions ensure that no one cheers them as annoying heels. On the opposite end of that vocal spectrum, Jeff Hardy sounded as focused and determined as he’s been in years during his Hell in a Cell promo package. Randy Orton was similarly featured well (in part due to the creepy musical accompaniment in his video). And R-Truth can still pull off WWE-style comedy in short bursts. His backstage shenanigans with Carmella (and other Carmella) helped build him into a suitable main-event opponent for the Miz. We’ll see if the A-Lister gets the win back next week over his erstwhile tag-team partner.