Pea Bo’s Netflix Nasties reach uncharted waters of shitness with The Final which looks just fantastically bad.
Oh man, I’ve done it with this one. I’ve found it. The worst film I have ever watched. OH MY GOD it’s so bad, I don’t even know where to start. I mean, I would start from the beginning, but I was too busy screaming in anger to follow the story.
Imagine someone shitting into a bowl of Mean Girls DVDs while singing to German death metal and eating glass. That’s not it. That’s too good. That’s, in fact, awesome in comparison. Oh, you’re in for a treat. THE ACTING! Oh god.
It started off based in a high school, and you’re introduced to the main cliques. There’s the popular kids, and then there’s the not so popular kids. Also, there’s one kid who talks to everyone. That’s important, remember that. I didn’t bother to remember all their names, so let’s call them all ‘fucking terrible’ and number them.
A group of maybe 5 or 6 fucking terrible actors are bullied by the popular lot, so they take action. In the form of torture. IN THE FORM OF TORTURE. Yes, I had to repeat it. They all go to the party they weren’t invited to, dressed to hide their faces, drugging everyone so they fall asleep and when they wake up, they’re chained together and faced with their masked kidnappers.
Now, in order to get their revenge, they slowly torture everyone. Various forms of torture are performed, all getting the reaction of a sleeping cow on a remote island. The main fucking idiot who’s torturing everyone is unbelievably unconvincing. So unconvincing I was nearly convinced that I had died and gone to movie hell. One scene that angered me the most was when they stole the ending of Audition, down to a girl saying ‘deeper’ over and over while inserting needles into someone’s face. How DARE they steal cinematic gold and replace it with the butt-clenching horror of stupidity.
The kid who talks to everyone manages to escape SOMEHOW, who knows, and runs off for help. He doesn’t get help, he gets kidnapped AGAIN. HHAHAHAHA. And then he gets shot. The poor dude. Totally racial profiling.
So anyway, please don’t watch it. I like you all, and I don’t want you to suffer.
Check out Peatree Bojangles’ fantastic art here.
Some of the coverage you find on Cultured Vultures contains affiliate links, which provide us with small commissions based on purchases made from visiting our site. We cover gaming news, movie reviews, wrestling and much more.
