That time that Matt Warrilow interviewed Dave of Mutilation. Face-to-face, in person, for real (honest).
Dave of Mutilation is taking the world by storm. And by taking the world by storm, I mean some people have heard of him. Not loads though, but his 8-bit covers of Pixies songs are something to behold. Illustrating their pop sensibilities, whilst combining it with cheap keyboards and auto-tunes, Dave’s debut album ‘Here Comes Your Man, Man’ is something that’d get any kind of party going. Well, maybe not ANY party, it’d be a tad inappropriate at a wake.
I arranged to interview Dave a few months back, but with him living in a ramshackle treehouse in downtown Boston, getting together was always going to be difficult, and to be honest I had kind of given up. But one day I got a note under the door of my flat, with just an address, a time and date and a picture of Dave.
I went to the address on time (well, 20 minutes late, Pointless was on) and was hugely surprised at his choice of location of our meeting. He had arranged our interview to take part in a seedy bar just outside Soho. I wandered in and was immediately met by the sight of men in crotchless pants, whipping each other whilst wearing dildos round their necks.
Fair to say I didn’t expect this as a meeting point. After all, I was told that since his terrible burns injury (which I was told by his management not to ask ANY questions about otherwise I too may end up with similar injuries), he had become more reclusive. But there was Dave, surrounded by bears, having a whale of time. There he was, pouring champagne onto the naked backs of big, hairy men and lapping it up (both the drink and the party atmosphere). If it wasn’t for the burns covering his nose, I’m sure he’d be snorting anything within reach right up there. It’s fair to say my introduction to Dave of Mutilation in a real life face-to-face meeting where we locked eyes (honest) was going to be an interesting one.
After our introductions (where he asked me to take my shirt off so he could ‘throw mother fucking Chocolate Gateaux at your man tits’. I politely declined) we sat down to delve further into the mind of Dave. He drank straight from the champagne bottle, I ordered a pint of London Pride, and we began with our real-life conversation we had face-to-face (honest).
MW: Hello Dave, how are you today?
DOM: I have good days, I have bad days. Today is a bad day.
MW: That’s great to hear. You don’t mind me calling you Dave do you?
DOM: That’s my name, numbnuts.
MW: Fantastic Dave. Just fantastic. So, in 15 or more words, describe your sound. You know it, I know it, but some people may get the wrong end of the stick and say ‘Hey, there is this Dave guy, I hear he likes mutilating people’. What do you say to those people?
DOM: I would say suck my balls, buddy and keep the change.
Spiritual. Sensuous. Sensational. Sleek. Sloppy. Sick. Surreptitious. Sausagey. Sideways. Savage. Sardonic. Staind. Slaying. Show tuney. Stuffed. Slimey. Stewing. Sexual. Sacred. Safe. Sallable. Sagacious. Salacious. Shafting. Salient. Salutary. Sanctimonius. Saucy. Savory. Sassy. Satisfactory….
MW: With hindsight, I should have said 15 words or less, as that was pretty bloody long, and boring, and involved a lot of S’s…so anyway, Have you ever before been mixed up with someone who mutilates people?
DOM: Yeah all the time actually. My friend Creg (or ‘Craig’ to you limeys) is a butcher who also has third degree burns on his face and ass. We get mistaken quite often as he also cuts hair for a bit of extra cheddar.
MW: That’s a funny story Dave. Speaking of mutilation, I watched ‘Silence of the Lambs’ last night, have you seen it?
DOM: Yeah man, that movie blows. I like anything with Paul Rudd in, and any of the Friday movies. That Iced Tea dude is one funny dude.
MW:  Oh you should watch it, it’s great. Jodie Foster has a lisp. Do you have an opinion about people with lisps Dave?
DOM: More power to ’em buddy. I find lisps badass and sexy.
MW: Oh, that may be a controversial stand there Dave, I may have to edit that out. So are you a bit pissed off at the fact that just when your sound was starting to hit our UK shores, those Pixies lot decide to get back together, release new stuff and start touring here?
DOM: I couldn’t give a chargrilled turd on a Tuesday whether or not those major league d-bags were playing at all. They died in ’93 when they split the first time. The time I set myself ablaze, for the first time. I can’t do that again…I might…but I won’t. Will I? Probably.
MW: Stealing your thunder right yeah? Do you miss Kim Deal?
DOM: She sucks dude, was she in the fucken Proclaimers or some shit?
MW: Paz Lenchantin though hey? Hubba bubba.
DOM: I like Pez’s, yeah and Hubba Bubba is my favourite gum.
MW: Is it true that you once emailed Frank Black and offered to give him a handjob if he let you lick guitar strap straight after a show?
DOM: Now who the fuck did you hear that from you cheese-fuck? I would rather set myself on fire again than touch that greasy dick’s tiny prick.
MW: Glad we cleared that one up. So aside from Frank Black, who you obviously love, and his sweaty guitar strap, which you obviously want to lick, who is your favourite Black? Black Sabbath, Blackstreet, Men in Black or Roger Black?
DOM: Hmmmmm, good question. It’s a close one between Blackstreet and MIB boooooooooooyy!
MW: Interesting choice. Personally I’d go for Roger Black, remember his flowing hair? Nearly as hubba bubba as Paz. I digress,  do you have plans to work with Kim Jong-Dil (producer of Dave’s self-titled breakthrough album) again after his stint in rehab for Dairylea Dunkers and Crystal Meth?
DOM: Yeh, me n K-J-D go way back and it would be hard for me to work with anyone else. He knows how to get the best from my voice and that dude can party. Shortly after recording the first record he turned up at my apartment at 3am with no shoes on and a tote bag full of Nitrous, needless to say we partied pretty hard for two days straight but I had no idea that he’d gone AWOL from the army again and I didn’t hear the choppers surrounding the apartment until I leaned out of my window to barf. He was talked down from the roof three days later by a small chinese lady. He did his time, he got clean and he came out a better dude. He’s a true friend and a total baller.
MW: And it’s amazing that he ended up marrying that small Chinese Lady. I also love that story of him getting caught wanking to ‘Murder She Wrote’.
DOM: Yeh, thats one of my favourites, he never did get that hat back!
MW: So what’s next Dave? New material? More Pixies covers? Rumours are that you are planning on producing interactive pieces of art set to drone versions of Vengaboys hits?
DOM: Next up is Dave of Metalation, we’ll be rocking hard some of the greatest metal songs ever written by people like Judas Priest, Metallica, Slayer, Maiden etc etc. After that ‘The Burnt Album’, a tribute to Weezer, one of the greatest bands of all time. I’m currently setting up my hair salon in downtown Boston so I’m pretty fucking busy at the minute but you never know what the future will hold. New skin, hopefully.
MW: You really should produce some interactive pieces of art set to drone versions of Vengaboys hits though. It’s what the world needs.
DOM: The world needs that like I need another sponge bath. I mean, I do need another bath, I stink but…fuck, I’ve been getting bathed by my Grandma for 21 years now and I need to move on.
MW: You’re not wrong, you do fucking stink. But thanks Dave, great to meet you face-to-face like we obviously have done today.
DOM: The pleasure was all yours, Dum-Dum.
And that was the end of it. Short and sweet. But that’s all you need with someone like Dave of Mutliation. A forward thinking artist, not afraid to bend the rules of pop music and produce something so different and innovative that the world, arguably, deserves to be his. But if he’s too busy smelling of cat shit, burning himself and cutting some guy’s hair, then I doubt that’ll ever happen.
Despite that, just listen to his ‘Here Comes Your Man, Man’, and try not to smile.
Dave of Mutilation on Bandcamp
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