Having a lot of single male friends means there’s barely a week that goes by when a conversation hasn’t turned into some kind of dating tutorial. As somebody who has often bypassed the ‘standard’ dating rituals in favour of acting on (or not acting on) whatever felt right at the time, I can’t truly say it’s something I’m qualified to be preaching on.
However, there are definitely some patterns emerging – certain traits or behaviours that I’ve picked up on that are leading people to ruin their own chances. Whether it’s in person or online, here are 7 ways that you may be self-sabotaging, regardless of gender:
1. You Whine Too Much
I see it all the time on social media. ‘Why don’t they love me? I’m more attractive/intelligent/kind than Bob* is and they get everything.’ It’s probably because Bob doesn’t spend the majority of their time complaining that people aren’t falling at their feet. Bob doesn’t act like they’re entitled to attention.
*Bob is a fictional person of unknown gender.
2. You Undersell Yourself
Sometimes in the dating world, you have to think like you’re selling a product. If a product was screaming ‘Nobody is buying me! I’ll be on the shelf forever!’ (metaphorically, of course), you’d be left wondering what the hell is wrong with it and walking away. Whereas a product that says ‘I’m going to bring something different to your life, take a chance on me!’ is much more likely to sell.
3. You Don’t Have Friends
If you don’t have friends of the gender you’re trying to attract, it can raise some serious alarm bells. If people of that gender don’t even want to be friends with you, it makes you look undateable because it suggests you can’t relate to them on even a most basic level. And so we’re clear, these friends must include people you haven’t slept with or crushed on.
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[contentcards url=”https://culturedvultures.com/5-popular-dating-apps-pros-cons/” target=”_blank”]4. You’re Physically Attractive
…and that’s where it ends. I’ve dated a few guys in my time where friends have told me ‘Wow! He’s so hot!’. Unfortunately these same guys would turn out to be racist, two-faced towards mutual friends or just plain arrogant. The more that you begin to dislike somebody on an emotional level, the less physically attractive they become in your eyes. So, in the words of Michelle Visage – “Stop relying on that body!”
5. You’re Intelligent
…and go out of your way to lord it over everyone. When you’re first dating, the conversation needs to be genuine but light-hearted, not like being sat with a human encyclopaedia that is going to shoot you down on every minor factual error. Many of us have a sarcastic and pedantic side to us, but there are times when it’s better to switch off Chandler mode and just relax. After all, it’s supposed to be fun, not an interrogation.
6. You’re Desperate
Nobody is going to blame you as a singleton for wishing you had somebody to cuddle up with now and again, but there’s a difference between a bit of banter and the unignorable stench of desperation that comes from spamming social media with sexual memes, raunchy model photoshoots and open invites for company at your place.  This is where a little reverse psychology comes into play – people are more likely to want and value your company if they know you don’t desperately need them.
7. You’re Negative
It’s always lovely to see or hear ‘I hate everyone’. Not. The law of attraction states that in order to receive positivity, you need to emit positivity. Or in this case, we could say that if you don’t act like you’re capable of love, you’re not going to attract people with the capacity to love you. After all, who would want to invest their emotions into somebody that’s likely to bite their head off later down the line? To go back to the idea of selling a product, ‘neuro-linguistic programming’ is well known within the business world – through use of positive language, we can vastly improve the chances of somebody buying what we’re selling.
Anything else that should be on this list? Feel free to write in the comments below!
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