Since taking over what would become WWE more than 30 years ago, Vince McMahon has tirelessly promoted his professional wrestling company as “sports entertainment”. That well-worn phrase means that McMahon’s shows encompass far more than just the choreographed grappling that goes on in the ring. Pyro, lighting effects, extravagant video screens, and, perhaps most importantly, killer theme songs contribute to a show that relies as heavily on theatrical stagecraft as it does the scripted wrestling matches.
The perfect theme song tells you everything about a wrestler. Whether it’s “Stone Cold” Steve Austin’s shattering glass, Goldberg’s martial stomp, or “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase’s declaration of his C.R.E.A.M. ethos, entrance music augments each superstar’s persona and sets the tone for their matches. If good enough, a theme song can turn an oiled-up, spandex-clad bodybuilder into the King of Kings, and make the presentation of fake fights transcendent.
Unless it sucks. Lame theme music can hinder a promising wrestler’s character, and turn a middling act into a sad joke. To understand this effect, let’s first look at an example of a WWE theme done right:
Hulk Hogan – Real American
The Superstar: Hulk Hogan.
The Song: “Real American” by Rick Derringer.
Why This Rules: An instantly memorable guitar riff combines with inspired vocals to create a masterpiece of time and place. This song captures the essence of a mid-1980s action hero. Strong, righteous, and patriotic, “Real American” perfectly embodies the Hulkster’s character and purpose.
Sounds Like: American Exceptionalism.
Tells WWE Fans: A Real American fights for his life and the rights of every man. Courage is the thing that keeps us free.
These five WWE theme songs do not, however, fight for the rights of every man, nor do they refuse to take trouble for very long. Each song on this list is so weak/annoying/awful that it harmed the credibility of the performers involved. At worst, this music greased the skids for the wrestler’s slide into irrelevance. Join us as we dissect the worst WWE theme songs of all time.
5 Worst Theme Songs in WWE History
1. Randy Orton – Burn In My Light
The Superstar: WWE Champion Randy Orton.
The Song: “Burn in My Light” by Mercy Drive.
Why It Sucks: Excessive use of the exclamation “Hey!”, as well as words that rhyme with “Hey!”, such as “Say!” and “Me!” (mispronounced as “May!”).
Sounds Like: A lightweight ode for a ruthless, cold-blooded killer nicknamed “The Viper”. Just ask Orton himself whether he hated it:
“I hated that shit for all four years. I hated it from the first day I heard it. They even tried to tweak it a bit and I still hated it.”
After informing McMahon that he indeed hated his entrance music, Orton gave the WWE boss a CD featuring the Killswitch Engage tune “This Fire Burns”. McMahon allowed him to use it for two weeks – before telling Orton that the song didn’t fit his character and giving the theme to CM Punk.
Tells WWE Fans: Somewhere, a teenage boy is snorting back hot tears and vowing revenge on the poseurs who think they own the local Hot Topic.
Finally, Orton convinced WWE to blast the edgier “Voices” during his ring entrances. This new theme motivated Orton to win the WWE Championship and inspire the delightful RKO From Outta Nowhere meme.
2. Mr. Ass – Ass Man
The Superstar: Mr. Ass. After turning heel in 1999, “Mr. Ass” Billy Gunn focused intently on the literal aspects of his ring name. He mooned opponents (and their sisters). He wore black see-through trunks with a thong underneath. And he entered the ring to a song that made his anal obsession cringingly clear.
The Song: “Ass Man”, credited/blamed on WWE and Jim Johnston.
Why It Sucks: The lyrics. Here’s an unofficial transcription of the first verse:
“I love to love ‘em, I love to kick ‘em,
I love to shove ‘em , I love to stick ‘em /
Love to flaunt ‘em, I love to watch ‘em,
I love to pick ‘em, and I’m gonna kick ‘em /
Cuz I’m an ass man”.
In case you fear missing any lyrical progression, the second verse begins with the observation, “So many asses, so little time” and ends with “The best surprises always sneak up from behind.”
Sounds Like: A bluesy session vocalist swallowing his pride for a one-night gig.
Tells WWE Fans: If they’ve got the patience for an extended one-note joke, you’ve got all damn night.
3. Heidenreich – Dangerous Politics
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5If5HNYdfBc
The Superstar: Heidenreich, a towering blond titan with an unstable personality and limited moveset. And who apparently looked like the Great Aryan Hope to someone on WWE’s creative team.
The Song: “Dangerous Politics”, with a guest vocalist that sounds like Heidenreich himself in this TitanTron video. Some say it’s advocate extraordinaire Paul Heyman. You’re about to find out how little it matters.
Why This Sucks: This theme music is one word repeated endlessly. But not repeated repetitively. The menacingly chanted lyrics are, “HEI-den, Hei-den-reich, HEI-den-REICH / HEI-den, Hei-den-reich, HEI-den-REICH / HEI-den-REICH / HEI-den-REICH / HEI-den / Heidenreich”. Later, after a few stray “Hei-denreich” and “HEI-denreich” interjections, this previous pattern of staccato pronunciation resumes, which makes it easier to follow along. Yeah, this almost sounds like something parade-goers would mindlessly intone at a 1930s Na … uh … wait, this song’s called “Dangerous Politics”? C’mon!
Sounds Like: The world’s most tedious fascist march.
Tells WWE Fans: There’s a half-star caliber match coming up next on SmackDown!
4. The Beverly Brothers
The Superstars: The Beverly Brothers, a tag team of “siblings” who looked nothing alike except for their starry purple tights and tasseled capes. Their manager was The Genius, a pompous pedagogue who wore a graduation cap and gown to the ring before reciting his pre-match poetry.
The Song: Generic drivel, composed and recorded by people who didn’t care.
Why This Sucks: Layer upon layer of tuneless, repetitive synths that make Orton’s old music sound like a track off Slayer’s Reign In Blood. The Beverly Brothers’ theme song doesn’t invoke a big-fight feel as much as it does a long stay in the LensCrafters waiting room. This musical structure mashes together at least three failed melodic concepts. Even the most generic heavy metal bash-fest would have been superior to these lethargic keyboard licks piled atop each other like docile garbage.
Sounds Like: Cutting through the Macy’s perfume aisle on your way to the mall parking lot.
Tells WWE Fans: They don’t have to take you seriously because you’re less threatening than a three-foot tall clown riding a tricycle. And that hired studio musicians can never replicate Hall & Oates’ inimitable blend of rock n’ soul.
5. X-Factor
The Superstars: X-Factor, a three-man stable comprised of X-Pac, Albert, and Justin Credible.
The Song: A remixed version of “What ‘Chu Lookin’ At?” by Uncle Kracker.
Why This Sucks: The hideous auto-tuned vocals. A singer who tries to cram way too many words into the track’s meter. Piano/keyboard notes that sound jarringly incongruous in a rap song. And that’s just the introduction. Upon the tune’s debut, Online Onslaught condemned “What ‘Chu Lookin’ At?” as “perhaps the worst theme music ever.” It remains more grueling than an LAX drug bust.
Some terrible theme songs work because they earn the crowd reaction that the performer is seeking. This entrance “music” for the Right To Censor stable is just a blaring alarm siren, but it succeeds by complementing the group members’ heel personas as shrill, moralizing puritans. Unfortunately, this X-Factor song succeeds only in furthering the “X-Pac heat” that the wrestler himself elicited from the crowd. This phenomenon occurs when fans boo a character because they dislike the performer himself. When his “power” trio formed, X-Pac was indeed hated not because he was a wrestling heel, but because fans were sick of seeing him at all. Similarly, the song “What ‘Chu Lookin’ At?” inspired loathing not because of its lyrical arrogance, but because it was uniformly terrible and the WWE faithful never wanted to hear it again.
Sounds Like: The aural equivalent of this gruesome X-Pac injury.
Tells WWE Fans: Even a performer who enjoyed two of the greatest theme songs in wrestling history (with the New World Order and D-Generation X) can strike out hard with the wrong anthem.
READ NEXT: 15 Best Modern WWE Entrance Themes
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