When I was 13, I came out as bisexual. Deep down, I didn’t think that I was. But when you’re 13 and every single day is a repetition of name calling, taunts, and regular punches to the ribs as you walk down the school hallway, it’s far easier and safer to cling to that last shred of normality that you sense is slipping away from you. I knew I liked girls, even thought about them, but not in the same way that I thought about boys. So at 16, when school finally ended, I gingerly stepped all the way out of the closet and declared myself to be gay.
Upon reading this, I bet there a lot of people who think, ‘So there we have it! Bisexual is just the last stop before gay! So there isn’t such a thing as bisexual after all!’ And you’d be wrong. The story I just told you? It’s mine. And I’m one person out of several million in this country, and seven billion all over the world. No matter what you’ve been told all your life, no matter what phases you’ve gone through in school that you may or may not have grown out of, no matter how many television programmes you’ve seen that tell you that it’s not real, bisexuality does exist.
Bisexuality, along with transgender, is the ‘B’ in LGBT that often isn’t spoken about, and therefore isn’t massively understood, not even by gay people. Personally, I can’t see what’s hard to understand about liking both genders, but that’s just me. Just look at the comments that get thrown around when someone says they’re bisexual. “They’re just greedy”. They’re “going back into the closest” when they date someone of the opposite sex, they’re “coming back out” if they’re not. They must have serious commitment issues. Surely they can’t be trusted, because they like both? It’s so, so ridiculous. But it’s a very real issue.
I have said this once before – well, more than once actually, but I have to say it pretty often because people just aren’t quite getting it, but gender and sexuality are not binary. It’s based on a spectrum. Even heterosexuals experiment and explore. The difference between them and a bisexual person is that a bisexual person often develops regular romantic and sexual connections between both genders, whereas with heterosexuals and experimentation, it’s merely a passing curious phase. And get this: either is perfectly natural.
Unfortunately, the general consensus is that bisexuality is just a ‘phase’ and that people are merely confused. Cara Delevingne, the hottest model of the moment, gave an interview with Vogue this year in which she discussed her sexuality. Sadly, it wasn’t worded particularly well, both by her – she stated that she only had erotic dreams about men, and that she was only bisexual because women accepted her craziness – and the person who interviewed her, who hinted that her bisexuality was “just a phase”, a hurtful and inaccurate statement that bisexual people have heard all too often.
Bisexual people are just that: people. Humans with real feelings, real emotions and real relationships. They’re not a science experiment for people to prod and gawp over. They’re not going to go away. And they’re not going to change for you, or anyone.
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